24 Years Of Makin' It Weird

Listening to John talk to an A/C repairman outside my office door:


John: "You ever see Charlie & the Chocolate Factory?"

Me, looking up: Oh no.

Repair Guy: "Uhh, yeah."

John: "You know Augustus Gloop, the German kid?"

Me: Where are you going with this, John...

Repair Guy: "I... think so?"

Me: ::abandoning all pretense at work and turning wide-eyed toward the door::

John: "That's what I look like when I shave this off."

Repair Guy: ::silence::

Me: ::horror::

John, cheerfully: "Yep, I'm 47, but I turn into a chubby little German boy without the beard."

 

This has been Life With An Oversharing Extrovert, vol. 12.


Also I think this photo series is worth a re-share:

:D

In other John-related news, yesterday was our 24th wedding anniversary!

(This was from last week, I can math, honest.)

In true Yates fashion, we stayed home and worked on DIY projects: give-away pins and stickers for Dragon Con this weekend. Tonight we pack, and tomorrow we leave for Atlanta! Dragon Con is always the best anniversary celebration, can't wait.

If you're also headed to Dragon Con this week, I hope you'll join us at one of the Epbot meetups! We'll give you a sticker or pin, a hearty fist-bump, the secret to laughing at trees together... it'll be good times. The first meetup is Thursday night in the Marriott at 6:30pm, watch my Stories or the FoEs Go To Dragon Con Facebook group for updates.

And everyone else, stay tuned for alllll the fun Dragon Con coverage. We hope to upload daily videos on the Epbot YouTube Channel, so be sure to subscribe there to see them as soon as they drop, plus I'll be uploading silliness along the way in my IG/FB stories.

See you on the other side!

Pun Times With John: The Doc Oc Edition

I've been having a creative dry spell lately, so when these gloves at Dollar Tree gave me a silly idea, I decided to roll with it.

I grabbed a handful of polyfill ("handful," get it?), lightly stuffed the fingers, and hot-glued the gloves overlapping like this:

Then I joined the outside edges to form a tube:

... tucked the wrist parts inside:

... glued the top shut, and added a ribbon and googly eyes.

Boom badda bing, an octopus that has seen things, man.

:D

(I was aiming for cute with the oversized eyes, but definitely landed on the startled and/or horrified side. Um. Oops.)

For the green one I chopped off the glove thumbs and fashioned little ear flaps, ala the Dumbo Octopus:

I Don't Know About You, But I'm Feelin' 23

John and I in the car yesterday:

John: "I know this was my idea, but is driving 45 minutes to buy popcorn the best way to celebrate 23 years of marriage?"

Me: "Wait, 23?"

"Yeah."

"I thought it was 22!"

"Well, it's 22 now, but tomorrow it will be 23."

"Nooooo!"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I was going to play that song later!"

"What song?"

::singing:: "I don't know about you, but I'm feelin' twenty-twoooo..."

::laughing::

 "DANG IT." 

"Awww. I love Taylor Swift!"

"I know! That's why it would've been perfect! Arrrrg, I'm so mad at last year Me. What a missed opportunity."

"Maybe we could use it for something else."

"What else could we possibly celebrate 22 years of?"

::brainstorming silence::

"Yeah, you're right, I've got nothing."

*****

Which is how it came to pass that a little after midnight last night/this morning, I walked dramatically into John's game room and proceeded to blast the chorus of Taylor Swift's 22 on my phone. I did a goofy little dance and screamed "3!!!" over the "2" and, not to brag, but I think it totally worked.

Booya.

By the way, while looking for a picture for this post I realized John and I don't take nearly enough photos together. Remind me to work on that, k? I did find these ones from an old family visit that really captures our overall marriage dynamic (OMD), though:

::trying to pose pleasantly::

::John telling off my brother for making fun of us::

 
::following instructions when told to "kiss her or something"::


Happy anniversary, John, sweetie. Sorry the fancy popcorn sucked. XD

Just remember:

"I don't know about you
But I'm feelin' 23
Everything will be alright
If you keep you next to ME"


Also these marriage donuts are the bomb. Thanks, babe.


 
(The Oreo one has a cream cheese filling that I may actually dream about tonight. NOMZ.)


Your turn! What's the silliest thing you've ever done to celebrate an anniversary? Do you default to special food treats, too? Doesn't have to be a marriage anniversary; other life events count, too!

*****


P.S. Totally unrelated, but I stumbled across this Alien figurine today and it's so stinking cute I have to share:

"Out For A Walk" Collectible Figure

I've been linking the companion book for a while now over on Cake Wrecks, but had no idea this existed! And it's only $9!? I need to figure out which of my friends are Alien fans, stat. Or, I dunno, maybe I should watch the movie myself? (Don't judge, I'm a wuss.)

I try to link all my favorite finds over on the Epbot Amazon store, btw, so be sure to bookmark that for anytime you're bored or need a fun gift idea.

Today I'm Your John (Heyooo)

Last week I had a nagging pain in my left calf, a kind of pre-Charley Horse cramp deep in the muscle that kept me awake at night. I didn't think much of it, figuring it was from all the ladder work I've been doing at the rental. Then I woke up with a pain in my left jaw, an achey stiffness in the joint I've never had before, which also hung on for days and made me spill more than usual, since I couldn't get my mouth open all the way. And of course through all this I had my usual arm and hand numbness that’s been getting worse all year.

If any of that rings alarm bells for you, gold stars. You know some of the warning signs of a heart attack.

Spoiler alert: I did NOT have a heart attack. It doesn't get me at this time. Which I'm only explaining because you look nervous, and also because I want to make a Princess Bride reference.

;)

I didn't have a heart attack, but what I did have was a John. So when I woke up on the 3^rd or 4^th day complaining of leg and jaw pain on the left side and numbness in both arms and hands, he started making calls. I was questioned by a nurse over the phone, and after a few more calls, we were off to an urgent care center that performs ultrasounds.

For the record, I didn’t think anything was seriously wrong. Nothing hurt that much, and my anxiety was relatively in check, so I didn't even have chest pains. Still, when I looked at the tightly reined concern in John’s eyes, and when I put myself in his place, there was no question. If it took all day, I was going in to get checked out.

Thirty minutes later I was chatting with a huge bear of a doctor who looked like a Persian Santa Claus in a paper mask. Five minutes after that, Dr. Claus was personally walking me down the hall to the ultrasound, where a kind attendant assured me it was perfectly fine that I hadn’t shaved my legs in 3 days, and let me listen to the whooshing of blood in my leg veins. Better still, no clots.

I was just cleaning the ultrasound goo off my leg when Santa Bear was back, literally waiting at the door to walk us to another exam room for an EKG. It was the end of the day and we were the last ones there, but at no point did we feel like we were inconveniencing anyone or we were overreacting. And listen, if you have a panic disorder and tend to think every new pain means this is The End, then you know what a gift that is.

For the EKG I got to flash my sexiest full-coverage granny bra (in beige, uh thankyouverramuch) at an attractive twenty-something while he hooked up all the little sticky pads to my chest. I’ve never had to hold my shirt up that long for a stranger, so I didn’t really know the protocol on eye contact. I briefly considered – and rejected – asking for Mardi Gras beads. Finally I turned to John sitting in the chair behind me and joked, “Y'know, I’d’ve worn prettier underwear if I knew it'd be getting so much action today. Aheheheh.”

“Please try not to move,” said Attractive Twenty-Something, eyes on the monitor.

“Sorry,” I whispered wide-eyed, and attempted to sink through the exam table and under the earth while mentally making a note to burn all my beige bras and buy prettier underwear. Except these beige bras are comfy, dangit. They keep the armpit flab in check and don’t show up under tops the way black or white bras do. So maybe I’ll keep the beige ones, and just buy a few rainbow unicorn bras to mix in for medical emergencies. Except I can’t really predict a medical emergency - ergo the name. Otherwise it's more of a medical appointment. So really all I need is one rainbow unicorn bra to keep in the car that I can change into on the way... somehow. YES. Perfect. Glad we got that sorted. Also this will help explain things the next time John goes to get a napkin out of the glove box and a frilly unicorn bra falls out. 

::proceeds to lose the next 10 minutes shopping for "unicorn bra" on Amazon::

::(I didn't find any, but I did find a rhinestone bustier I want to wear under my t-shirt for my next EKG, because unexpectedly dazzling an attendent with rainbow sparkle boobs would be hee-LARIOUS.)::

As you may have guessed from my shopping side track, the EKG was fine. Well, I think it’s fine. For some reason whenever I get an EKG there's always a little something that shows up in the readout which the doctor will point out, circle, and then tell me not to worry about. Seriously. I’ve had 3 EKGs in my life, 3 charts with circled blips on them, and 3 docs saying I shouldn’t worry about this thing they just specifically pointed out and circled. Why. WHY. Did I not tell you I have a panic disorder, Doctor Santa Bear? Must you torture me this way?

Ahem.

In summation, friends, let me leave you with this encouragement: go and get the test. Get the thing checked. Even if it's probably nothing, even if it doesn't hurt that bad, and ESPECIALLY even if you're afraid you might be overreacting. Like you, I'm always worrying I'll seem "hysterical" or be dismissed out of hand, because sadly most of us women have had that experience, at least here in the U.S. HOWEVER. Today I'm your John, k? Today I'm looking you in the eye with care and concern and asking, "What's the worst that could happen if it's nothing? Now what's the worst that can happen if it's something, and you ignore it?"

I wish I could be there to (lovingly) shove you in the car and drive you myself, but since I can't do that, I'm hoping this boring story where nothing bad happens is a reassurance. I went in for relatively minor symptoms, but no one rolled their eyes or dismissed me. And even if they had, the peace of mind John and I got from a clean bill of health would have been worth it.

Let me add that I know medical care here in the U.S. is stupid expensive, even with insurance. It stinks, it's not right, and I totally get it if you're worried about the cost. Nothing I say will make that better, but here's what I do know: money is replaceable. You are not. If you suspect something life-threatenting, go.

Every time you do the Hard Thing and take care of yourself, know that I am so freaking proud of you. Then be sure to celebrate with chocolate or tacos or impulse buys or all of the above, because hard things are hard and you've earned it, dangit.

HIGH FIVE

Finally here's MY impulse buy, since I just want to show it off:

It's yet another giant silicone phone case, because I can't get enough of these dang things. :p

Love y'all, hope you've had a restful weekend. Now let's get out there, be weird, and have fun doing it.

I'm About To... ::Removes Sunglasses:: ... BOW YOU OVER

You know, I'm not sure that title works. ::squints:: I can't tell if you're going to read "bow" like "OW" or "bow" like, y'know.  

 

And even if you DO read it as bow-like-y'know, there's no guarantee you'll think that rhymes with bowl, OR that you're even familiar with the phrase "bowl you over."

Huh.

Nope, definitely doesn't work.

Still leaving it.

So this weekend had A LOT going on. I loved every second of it, love being busy helping other people, but I'm also a little...

Mostly when I look at the to-do list I've been putting off, ha.


First, since so many of you offered such great advice, here's how the party went down:

I complained in my Story that it took forever to tie 3 balloons together, and someone told me Command makes a doo-hickey for that?? Next time.

In fact the balloons in general betrayed me: everything looked so good, but then...

I'm always amazed just how weak ceiling paint it, ug. Next time I'll try painter's tape. After we repaint the ceiling.

The pretties:

I Swear This Is The Behavior Of A Rational Adult

My panic monster woke up from a long nap this week and decided to make up for lost time, so I've been doing a lot of pacing, breathing exercises, wiping my sweaty palms, and juggling. Like, actual juggling. With balls and everything. Although I drop them so much it'd be more accurate to call what I do "throwing balls at myself and missing." 

 Still, it helps.

You know what also helps?

NEW RAINBOW SHOES...

THAT LIGHT UP

Being short can be annoying sometimes, but having the small feet that go with it ROCKS.

Then I made them better with pink rainbow laces:

The tale would have ended there, except 10 days later the lights on one of my shoes went out. UNACCEPTABLE. I can't be flashy on only one side, it'll throw off my groove. So John exchanged the shoes. Except the new pair he brought home had dark mystery stains on them. I stared at them like this:

... and John sighed and went back to exchange the exchange.

At this point things get a little ridiculous.

We Found The Best Way To Celebrate A Birthday During The Pandemic: A DONUT HOP

I never know what to do for John's birthday, but of course this year was especially hard. John doesn't really want gifts - he says he has everything he wants - and he doesn't like being the center of attention with parties or dinners even when we CAN have them.

(Old pic of John snuggling a... something... from a past birthday. ::head tilt:: What IS that?)

So at 2AM on his birthday Monday, I flopped down beside John on the couch and started throwing out the most "John-like" suggestions I could think of. Take-out from all his favorite restaurants for every meal? An all-day video game marathon? A Zoom group-chat with all his international friends?

And finally, half-joking: "We could spend all day delivering donuts to our friends around Orlando." 

John blinked, thought for a minute, and said, "I LOVE THAT."

Then he went to bed.

 

Of course that wasn't enough for me, so I started brainstorming ways to make delivering donuts extra ridiculous. I decided this was sort of like a bar hop, only with donuts, right? And "hop" = bunnies, and bunnies = WE MUST WEAR BUNNY EARS.

What can I say, these are the kinds of logic leaps the mind makes at 3AM.

I found some ears we could pick up in the morning at a local party store, then got to work whipping up some more photo props using free clip art and bamboo skewers:

Ta-daaaa!

My driving estimate was off, since we got started late: we were only gone a little over 8 hours. It didn't feel that long, though.

I had high hopes for this rabbit hat, but alas, 'twas too small. Although if it hadn't been $30, I may have had John wear it anyway, haha.

That t-shirt is my one actual gift to John: it's so HIM. It didn't arrive 'til the day before Halloween, though, so this is his first time wearing it. (His mask is also rainbow cats.)

The store only had 2 pairs of bunny ears left, but we made it work.



Seriously, paper smiles to cover the masks may be the best idea I've ever had, y'all.

22 Years Of Not Being Perfect - But Being Enough

 I spent most of the past 3 days on the couch feeling uninspired and bingeing Youtube videos on how to organize your kitchen. I also ate a lot of non-dairy ice cream. Kind of my version of a bender. 

Anyway, one of those videos walloped me with something profound, and I'm so annoyed by how accurate this is I have to share. I don't remember which of the 50 videos I watched had this in it, but here's the gist:

Perfectionism is a form of fear.

Fear of not being good enough, smart enough - fear of just not being enough.

As a life-long perfectionist who's currently wrestling with many MANY fears, and yet who never equated those two things to each other, can I just say, "OUCH"?

Because ouch. 

Anyway, that's when John came in and found me crying into my Cherry Garcia over a pantry-organizing video. (Sometimes I like to imagine what John's Twitter account would look like if he had one. "Reasons My Wife Is Crying #217: We don't have separate bins for our pasta boxes... I think?")

We had a couple projects I was looking forward to cancel last week, so I got stuck thinking no one wants us to work for them because I'm not doing a good enough job. That I'm not helping enough, not handy enough, not writing enough posts or filming enough videos - just plain not enough. I know that's not true, but I have a hard time believing it's not true. It's exhausting, having a brain like this. Some of you have brains wired the same way, so you know. You've been here. Then we get frustrated at ourselves for feeling this way, but we're too tired to try any harder to not feel this way, right? (Tell me this isn't just me.)

Saturday was our 22nd wedding anniversary, and since I was down with a migraine, my brightest spot was sharing a few old wedding snapshots online. John loves my Story posts, so a lot of times I'm writing these just for him - and watching his face when he got to the two with his favorite songs was the best minute of my day.

 

For this one I had "Tightrope" playing - John's favorite song from Greatest Showman. (I think he might like "Thousand Years" from the Twilight movies even more, but I have to draw the line SOMEWHERE. :p)

Also I look startled there because John snuck up behind me when I was trying to take a selfie, ha.

Next our wedding song:

Real Talk: How We're Doing In Florida's Lockdown, Plus John's Transformation

Yesterday I was reading how content creators shouldn't be carrying on like everything is normal, because that reads as phony and insincere. But on the other hand, as a reader myself, I know a lot of us are social media distancing to keep away from nonstop virus coverage.

I think it has to be a balance, which I'm still figuring out here on Epbot. My goal has always been to share uplifting fandom finds and help you escape for a while, but also to share when life gets messy and hard, so you remember we're here with you.

The truth is, John and I are doing really well right now in isolation. We're at about... 25 days in, I think? I definitely had some anxiety earlier on, but that was largely triggered when we thought a close friend had Covid, and I missed a therapy session that would have helped me talk it out. Our friend's test results took an excruciating 10 days - while she was still getting worse - and the waiting and watching the news sent me to a dark, panicky place of anger and helplessness.  Happily the test results finally came in negative, though - so she "only" has bad bronchitis - and that combined with my getting serious about avoiding the news and resuming weekly counseling via Zoom has left me in a much better, more stable place.

(I've been thinking of doing a roundup of all my favorite outfit photos so far this year. Yes? No?)

John and I tried taking evening walks around the neighborhood to get out of the house a little, but the pollen count is so bad that I was having painful allergic reactions afterward (earaches & sinus pain), even though I'm on Flonase, Zyrtec, AND neti-potting. Arg. At a loss for what else to do, I've resorting to staying inside 24/7 with the windows shut. I miss the fresh air, but my one ear was hurting pretty badly after each walk, and it's better now that I'm staying inside. (Any of you get allergy-related ear pain? What do you take?)

I feel perpetually behind on work, but that's normal; I always feel like that, ha. I'm also very aware of the pressure most of us feel to be doing ALL THE THINGS, as if we're somehow failing if we haven't mastered a new skill or reorganized the whole house yet. I'm trying to be gentle with myself, and let go of the days when I can't make myself do much. I keep reminding myself I still have a job, and it's enough if I keep both blogs running without any major meltdowns. Staying focused is SO HARD, though, now that nearly everyone I know is online and bored. Sweet Stay Puft, I thought the internet was distracting before.

 

I've started staying up all night, since there are less interruptions and distractions when most of the U.S. is asleep. I'm a night owl anyway, so I'm only shifting forward about 4 or 5 hours, heading to bed after I watch the sun rise. I've joked with friends that I'm living my best vampire life, since this is my one chance to live like time has no meaning. Because it doesn't! Seriously, that's kind of freeing, although I'm going to have one mean case of jet lag when the clock actually matters again.

The cats are doing great, and make our lives better every day. Each afternoon John lets them in one by one to climb up onto my chest in bed and get their "morning" snuggles. Usually it's Eva first, and then The Beast:

Recreating The Set Of Sherlock: Building A Screen-Accurate Faux Fireplace & Book Shelves

Two years ago John and I recreated the famous Sherlock wallpaper for our friends Chris and Christie, who are MASSIVE Sherlock fans.

Remember this?

Here's the post if you're curious how we did it. What I wouldn't give to have had a Cricut back then...

Back then we planned to transform their entire living room into a screen-accurate recreation of Sherlock's living room, but due to scheduling and the material cost, the project got shelved.

UNTIL NOW.

MWAH-AH-AHHH

 As a refresher, the other side of Sherlock's living room - across from that wallpaper - looks like this: 

To pull this off, John will have to build three fake wall sections, two custom bookcases, and a MASSIVELY complex faux fireplace that opens up to reveal hidden storage for electronics. (Ok, the hidden storage part is optional, but we're extra like that.)

The fireplace is by far the hardest part, so that's where John started. Since he's almost done with it, I thought I'd share some build photos so we can sit back and ooh and aaah together.

Cool? Cool.

First, here's a fantastic 3D rendering of just the fireplace by Gabriela Vanova, which John has been using extensively as his reference:

He printed out several different angles of this, which has been invaluable since the set photos are always so dark.

Next here's John original blueprint showing how the three wall sections will fit in Chris & Christie's room:

 They have an open-concept house, so this will be on one end of a larger living space. The areas with the diamond pattern are faux walls John will be building out, so the shelving and fireplace will look recessed/built-in.

Because everything depends on the fireplace, and the fireplace tiles dictate those dimensions, that's where John started. First, he made some fake tiles:

John's New Year's Resolution Gets A Thumbs Up - Plus A Quick Squeegineers Update!

On extremely rare occasions I find that John has written something in my drafts folder, completely unprompted. I found this draft a few weeks ago, loved it, thought you guys would like it, too, and then completely forgot about it 'til now. ::facepalm::

I also threw in some photos of John in a unicorn horn hat from our friend Christie's birthday party, because I feel they really add to the Post Experience.

:D

 Take it away, John!

 *****

I bet you thought about changing some things for 2020. I know I did. Of course, there's the usual: get healthier, take out the recycling, floss. But one thing that's been on my mind is that I want to interact more on social media. Is that weird?

See, in my life, I've always wanted to be kind. I want to be that person who asks how your day was, who tells you you did a good job, that I'm proud of you. I tell Jen I love her every day. But when it comes to social media, too often I'm silent. I lurk. I see a post that makes me smile... and then I keep  scrolling. I'm giving nothing back for these little sparks of joy, and that bugs me. Honestly, I don't even know why. It literally costs me nothing to hit the 'like' button, and only a few seconds to type out a quick, "This is amazing!" or "Awesome job!" or "I never knew llamas even could juggle!"

And here's the thing: this is SO IMPORTANT. This matters. So much of our communication is through social media now that the affirmation we used to get from real world interactions has to happen here. When I post something online and my friends like it, I'm friggin' thrilled. It makes me feel clever and respected and valued. It validates whatever thought or feeling I was expressing, and that feels amazing. I want to make all my friends feel that way.

So that's my New Years resolution: to like and comment on more posts, every time I'm on social media. It may not seem like much, but I think it's going to make a lot of folks at least a little happier - including me.

***** 

Since I read this I've been trying to comment a little more, since I already "like" most things. It takes a little extra time and it can be hard to know what to say sometimes, but John's right: it's totally worth it.  



*****

  
Completely unrelated Cool Thing: After my Squeegineers post some of you very sweetly pointed out there might be Scary Legal Issues with giving away stuff in lottery form, which of course Freaked Us Right Out. Ahh, but here comes the cool part: after wading through all the legalese we've landed on the perfect solution, and I like it so much better than our original plan!

So now our "Squeegineer Sweepstakes" is open to EVERYONE, no Paypal donation required. If you *do* donate then you're still automatically entered, but for everyone else: e-mail us at Squeegineers at Epbot dot com, and put "January Squeegineer Sweepstakes Entry" in the subject line. Boom. That's it! You can e-mail anytime; we'll gather them all up at the end of the month.

Scroll to the bottom of our Squeegineers Page to read the mountains of fine print, but that's the gist: all Paypal supporters are automatically entered every month, and everyone else can e-mail each month to enter. It's a little more logistical work on our end, but I love that this throws it open to any of you who want to enter, not just the ones who can afford to give us money. After all, our whole goal was just to give away some little things to show how much we appreciate you guys, and we love and appreciate ALL of you. 

K, I think that's it! Thanks, love ya, & can't wait to announce our first winners February 1st!

In Which I Embarrass John... AGAIN (Mwah-ha-haaaaa)

I have a photo I've kept on my phone the past few weeks that makes me smile - something I haven't shared anywhere yet. 

But first, a quick back story:

A week or two before Christmas John came home in THE worst mood. He'd been out running errands all afternoon, and the holiday crowds and traffic and overall surliness of person in general had turned my sweet teddy bear of a man into one grumpy grizzly. I listened in horror as he told me about the guy who nearly ran him off the road, the lady who stole his parking space, the multiple rude cashiers, and the shopper who shoved him out of the way before demanding an apology. John's the guy who compliments every employee he meets and jokes with strangers at every turn, but this day had officially beaten all the love of humanity out of him.

So John stomped off to do some laundry, and I left him alone to go back to work in my office.

A few hours later I emerged to grab something out of the bedroom, and on the way passed John whistling merrily in the kitchen. I smiled to myself, opened the bedroom door, and saw this:

 I don't know how he does it, you guys. I don't know how John so quickly turns all that frustration and anger into gratitude and love - but this picture reminds to try a little harder to use my grumpy days for good.

(It also reminds me we can write messages in the fuzzy blanket, which is nice to know for the future. ::evil grin::)

******

I don't need any more stuffed animals. 

I don't need any more stuffed animals.

I don't.

Cute Blob Seal Pillow

So thank goodness this is technically a pillow.

DAT FACE. 

John Is Not Throwing Away My Shots

I've been sharing so many Halloween projects and happy things that I haven't given you guys a general life update in ages. It's too easy to only show our best days and accomplishments online, when you and I both know that's never the whole picture. I never want you to think I have it all together, because the truth is I'm broken and battling away same as everyone else. I find comfort in that sometimes. I hope you do, too.

Anyway, I have some other behind-the-scenes things to tell you later, but for now, I have a funny/sweet story.

This story is actually a bit of roller coaster, but it's so perfectly ME and so perfectly JOHN that I have to share:

For the past two months John has had to give me weekly injections of a new hormone medication. This is brand new territory for both of us, and you might recall that John FAINTS while being given shots, and isn't so great watching other people get them, either. However, we quickly discovered I don't have it in me to stab myself, so he was our only hope.

Anyone else get nervous just looking at this?

  Fortunately this is a lot like an insulin shot, so it's a tiny needle that goes right in the belly fat. Tons of people do this every day, right? How hard can it be? 

AND YET.

For the first 6 weeks we had a terrible track record. Sometimes the shot went off without a hitch, nearly painless, and other times it hurt like heck, medication leaking out, me bleeding, and then I'd have a bad panic reaction for up to an hour. Soon both of us were complete wrecks when it came time for the shot each week: John panicking over hurting me, and me panicking over John hurting me, lol. You should have seen us both shaking like leaves and trying to line up this oh-so-simple injection.

Finally, about two weeks ago, John turned to Google again for more tips. He'd already watched half a dozen instructional videos, spoken to two nurses and a pharmacist, but none of their advice was helping. So back to Google he went, and lo and behold, he found a quick insulin shot tutorial that made all the difference in the world.

Apparently you're supposed to lightly touch the needle to your skin before The Stab, and if you can feel the needle at all, you move the needle over. Our nerves are spaced out, so it's possible to inject BETWEEN the nerve endings, where you won't feel a thing.

WE HAD NO IDEA, YOU GUYS. No one ever told us! They just kept telling John to stab faster, which felt like I was being impaled with an ice pick. Whyyy did no one mention the nerve thing?

So anyway, the first time we had this new information we were falling-down messes getting prepared. I'm talking comically terrified. John had to brace his freezing, shaking hands on my belly, and I was light-headed, lying down with my eyes squeezed shut like I was waiting for the guillotine. 

BUT IT WORKED. It totally worked! I didn't feel a thing! And after the shot was done I stood up shakily and John put the needle away and then we both fell on each other's shoulders crying and laughing and crying a little more. It was ridiculous. But it was so US.




Thanks, babe, for giving me a shot.


*****

It's been a while since I mentioned I have a Craft Page with all my DIYs and Tutorials, so hey, that exists! You can browse over 150 different project photos there to find the perfect weekend craft.

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Our $5 DIY Sleep Apnea Solution To Keep John From Dying

[Trigger Warning: Everything's fine, but there is a death scare below. Skip if you're feeling panicky.]

[Also if you just want the DIY without the back story, skip ahead to the "Read More" jump.]


I've been hinting about it long enough, so here's the deal:

Just over a month ago I started noticing that John stops breathing in his sleep. He tends to snore, so the sudden silences would wake me up. I'd count down a few seconds, start to panic, and nudge him into a sudden gasp for air. We agreed he should sleep on his side, and started looking into ordering a sleep study for him.

Shortly after that - just a few weeks ago - I woke up to silence again. John had been getting annoyed by my constant nudges to get him to roll over, so I did my best to wait, to count down a few seconds. Surely he'd breathe soon, right? Nothing. His chest wasn't moving. I forcefully shoved down the rising panic and tried to say something softly, but it came out as a squeak. Still nothing. No movement. No sound. I reached out to touch John's arm... and it was ice cold.

FULL BLOWN PANIC.

I grabbed John and let out a wail that was half his name, half sheer terror... and a millisecond later he gasped and sat up, panicking himself over why *I* was making that sound.

We were up for hours after that. After my tears dried, John swore to me he'd do whatever it took to ensure this never happened again. His doctor's appointment was still weeks away, though - and a sleep study would be weeks or months after that - so we started searching for ways to at least keep John on his side while he slept.

Side-sleeping is critical for anyone with apnea who doesn't have a CPAP machine to help them breath. When you're on your side your tongue can't fall back and choke you, and sometimes you won't even need a machine if you sleep on your side, as in my case. (I have mild apnea, but only if I'm on my back. Since I've trained myself to stay on my side, I don't need the machine.)

The problem is, John LOVES sleeping on his back, and despite his best intentions, would inevitably roll over in his sleep and start to choke again.

The common solution for this - as any cursory Google search will prove - is to sew a Tennis ball into the back of your shirt. The theory is the ball will poke you if you roll over, and wake you up just enough to get you to go back on your side.

            If you're not feeling crafty, you can even buy a shirt like this on Amazon for just over $20.

I'm sure the Tennis Ball method works for some people, but here were our issues with it:

1) We have a soft memory foam mattress, and John's built like a linebacker - so it's conceivable he could still roll over on the ball without waking up.

2) Even if the ball did wake John up, that means he's waking up a lot - which isn't very restful. Wouldn't it be better, we thought, to have something that physically won't LET him roll over?

3) John wears a fresh sleep shirt each night, so we'd have to make LOTS of shirts with balls in them. Ug, SEWING.


So we kept looking, and discovered the only other side-sleeping aids were a variety of "bumpers" and backpack-like apparatuses:

 This "Bumper Belt' looked promising, but the widest strap goes right over the pectorals (ouch) and it costs over $100. Double ouch.

The Slumber Bump has less straps, at least:

... but this could twist around your waist unless it's snug, and John didn't want a tight band around his middle while he tried to sleep. (Also this glorified fanny pack costs $75. Dang.)

We were in crisis mode, so our first solution was to work with what we had - and it was surprisingly effective:

 (Suki will help demonstrate...)

We stuffed two throw pillows in a backpack, and John wore that to sleep. This supported John completely on his side, so no matter how he tried, he couldn't possibly get onto his back.

Within two nights, John reported he was already feeling more rested. Between no choking and no Jen-nudges, he was finally getting some uninterrupted rest!

The stuffed backpack wasn't a permanent solution, though: after a week the straps were leaving marks on John's shoulders and upper arms, where they cut into his skin as he shifted around and put his arms over his head. (He likes to sleep on his stomach with his arms up sometimes.)  Not to mention the backpack was obviously VERY bulky in bed, ha. Nothing like getting whapped by a giant nylon bag when your hubby rolls over in the middle of the night, lol.

We had a few ideas for a new backpack we could sew, and decided we wanted to use pool noodles, since they're firm but extra light.

When John went to the Dollar Tree to buy the noodles, though, he instead found something we'd never seen before, and which turned out to be the perfect solution: