Friday, January 6, 2023

We Made A Punny "Mines Of Moria" Bathroom, And We're FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS

Y'all knocked it out of the park with your suggestions for our Doors of Durin, so I thought I'd show you the winning phrase, plus take a tour of our finished guest bath.

The runners up were "Wipe, you fools!" - one of mine - and Julie's actual Gandalf quote, "Have patience. Go where you must go, and hope." Which is hysterical as a bathroom quote, but a bit too long for our door.

Kathy D was the winner with her "excrete, friend, & flush," which made us cackle. We swapped in "exit," though, to better match the original "Speak, friend, and enter."

So yeah, our phrase that pays is "Excrete, friend, and exit."

I'm adding the invisible black light paint here.

And here are our Doors of Durin, all finished!

John and I did one final push to finish the bathroom this week, and we are WIPED, lemme tell ya.


So how 'bout a tour?

And now some photos, to show off the details. We went SUPER dramatic and dim with the lighting, so getting these was a challenge.

John kept swapping the bulbs out for lower and lower wattages, 'til I joked people would need a flashlight to find the toilet.

I just realized that soap pump doesn't go. Curses. (I foresee a trip to HomeGoods tonight...) The dragon faucet is from Amazon.

Opposite the sink wall is this display:

Our goal was to buy nothing for this party, so everything here is made with what we had. John drilled holes in the lantern to wire in an LED flame bulb, then I added my glowing mushrooms from The Snowmade and DIY monster tree from our Fantastic Beasts party.

They sort of of look like things you'd find in a fantasy mine, right?

The picture above is a masterpiece of John's photoshop abilities:


I know it's dark, so in case you can't tell: that's the Balrog and Gandalf (dressed as Santa) exchanging Christmas gifts. Which are on fire.

We tile-printed this on 4 sheets of paper, then taped them together. The frame was here already.

On the toilet tank I have an intriguing little box:

We're known for having scavenger hunts and games sprinkled around the house, so odds are some folks will get curious, and....

I know, I'm terrible.

This nasty little trick was a gift from friend and totally got me, so of course it must be inflicted on more unsuspecting victims. At least if they pee their pants, they're in the right place. :P

Butt wait, there's more!

To the right of the sink is this small shelf:

...filled with more things I already had, like a glass oil lamp and an antique... sugar server?

Whatever it is, I filled it with plastic gems and buried a flickering tealight for sparkle:

Above this shelf is John's second Photoshopped masterpiece.

That's right, THIS ONE'S NUMBER TWO.

I waited the entire post to make that joke. Let me have this.

We wanted something funny for Gandalf to read on the toilet, so I immediately thought of the (real) book, "A Wizard's Guide To Defensive Baking." It's still on my to-read list, but I'm told it's hilarious.

Anyway, I don't know if any of our guests will be able to read this tiny print in our dark bathroom, so at least you get to laugh with me.

I'll leave you with  another look at the main attraction, which John has set up on this nifty digital timer:

Thanks to the timer our doors appear every 30 seconds and last about 7 seconds, so hopefully we manage to surprise some folks on their way in. (John's also talking about piping in the sound of the Balrog growling, but I may draw the line there, lol.)

Our Second Christmas Hobbit Holiday party is tomorrow night, so wish us luck! And of course stay tuned for the post-party report, with everyone's costumes, the extensive potato-themed menu, and how the party games go. I'm not sure how much I'll have ready for you by Tuesday, but I'll do my best.

'Til then!


Have you missed any of our Hobbit party builds? Here's what we've made so far:


  1. I am a little disappointed that "Flush, you fools!" wasn't in the running. :)

  2. I am astounded that you replaced the faucet in the bathroom. Doing plumbing is true dedication to your theme.

    1. I believe they've had that faucet for a looooong time. They're just super cool peeps who have a dragon faucet in the bathroom!

    2. What ScaperMama said; the faucet's been there for ages, though it's possible we did install it for our Fantastic Beasts party...

  3. You guys put more effort into decorating a bathroom for a party than we put into decorating our whole house for living in!
    I recommend "Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking." Quirky and fun, an easy read.

  4. Ohmigosh, this is so great. I think you should pipe in drums, though :-) You will love that book; it's clever and a fun read.

  5. As far as "A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking" goes, I wouldn't call it hilarious. It's excellent, don't get me wrong, but if that's what you're expecting, you'll be disappointed. It's funny in places, but hardly hilarious. It's a YA from a writer who runs the gamut from the ever-excellent (and award winning) "Digger" graphic/web novel about a lost wombat to the "Twisted Ones", which is a horror novel that makes sure to re-assure you from the beginning that the dog lives. T. Kingfisher is the pen name that Ursula Vernon uses for her more mature work, and that's the name she used for this one. It gets dark at times. It starts out with the MC stepping into her aunt's bakery to get things going for the day and finding a body.

    Now, I'm not trying to tell you not to read it! I love everything she writes. She's one of my insta-buy authors. I don't even bother reading the blurbs. I just pre-order everything she writes on faith. I just know that you've said your horror threshold is low and thought to give you fair warning. I mean, even her "fluffy" romances (set in the world of the White Rat and mostly headlined by paladins) come with a body count. HEAs are a given, but they mostly don't look like what you'll find elsewhere, and that's part of their charm.

    By the way, I DO find the paladin books funny as all get out. Everyone's all grown up and navigating their insecurities, aches and pains, pasts, and such in a fairly realistic way (considering their fantasy setting with gods, monsters, and paladins.) 10/10 highly recommend.

    1. The room is Gorgeous! <3

      I second that "A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking" isn't a comedy. Really good book, but not a lot of laughs like Douglas Adams or something like Princess Bride. I did smile many times at the cleverness of the tale and very much enjoyed it!

    2. Perfectly put, Lunasolara, that's what I was going to say (only not as well as you)! I'm glad you wrote that, I had an immediate 'oh no' reaction at the 'hilarious' mention in the post - that would set up false expectations and ruin the reading experience. But Jen, it IS hilarious that you have Gandalf reading it while on the toilet, that's a masterpiece!

  6. I love it all, but the artwork really clinches it for me. Have such a fun party!

  7. You both never cease to amaze! Brilliant, and that is only 1 small room! (so glad you went with 'excrete'...that one actually made me laugh out loud) Can't wait to see the rest...

  8. My husband and I are beekeepers and once painstakingly hand painted little honeybees on hexagonal tiles in our bathroom in our first home. They were situated right next to the toilet and there were enough bees that it made the shape of one giant honeybee. There were several "surprise bees" in there for those on the toilet willing to look for them. One of them was reading a book, one was drinking a margarita, and another was ready to sting you. Lol!! We made the drones obviously bigger and the Queen was right in the middle being catered to. Quite a few house guests who used that bathroom were quite confused and bemused by it. Some didn't even want to bring it up but we could see the look of confusion on their face. It was hilarious! I'm sad to say that house has since been sold and I'm sure the new owner ripped out that tile because of how weird it was. But mark my word, the toilet bees will live again in a new house! Muahahaha

    1. I also am a beekeeper and it is a tragedy that the new homeowners ripped out that tile! I wish you extraordinary success at recreating it.
      Granny Roberta in CT

  9. The "sugar server" looks like a coal scuttle to me.


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