Legend, The 36 Year Old Movie That's A Love Letter To Tom Cruise's Thighs, And Other Thoughts

This review will be an extremely long read riddled with spoilers, a little snark, a lot of silly, some hilarious photos, and INTENSE NERD-DOM.

You have been warned.

So a week or two ago I suggested we watch the infamous 1985 fantasy flop, Legend, and discovered something alarming: John had never seen it.
 
That's right, he'd never seen Tim Curry in bull horns. Or Mia Sarah from Ferris Bueller dramatically flouncing through a Claritin commercial. Or Tom Cruise rescuing a fairy with a chicken foot for a hand out of a giant pie shell in hell.

This could not stand.

Let's get one thing out of the way first: Legend is not a good movie. Roger Ebert gave it two stars, and to this day it has a 38% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes. It flopped HARD at the box office, and is often blamed for killing fantasy movies in general until Peter Jackson came along with Lord of the Rings.

Nope, Legend is not a good movie.

But it is a GREAT movie.

Pretty much everyone agrees you don't watch Legend for the story, you watch it for the jaw-dropping visuals. And when I say jaw-dropping, I mean take-your-breath away STUNNING, even 36 years later:

If one of your aesthetics is "running barefoot through the misty moors in a shredded ballgown", then THIS IS YOUR MOVIE, fam.

I was amazed how well I remembered it, too, considering I haven't seen Legend in probably 20 years. I could even recite some of the dialogue, and immediately noticed when the version we rented cut Meg Mucklebones' scene short.

That cut scene nagged me, so I turned to Google... and immediately fell down a 20+ hour rabbit hole of all things Legend. (Haha, whoops.)

So now, in no particular order, here come my favorite fun facts and personal observations from this amazingly beautiful, amazingly bad movie:

- Legend Is a Love Letter To Tom Cruise's Thighs

Tom Cruise was 22 during filming and fresh off the set of Risky Business - the movie that gave us the world-famous underwear dance. Not to be outdone, the producers of Legend decided Tom would not only be pants-less the entire movie, he would also be prohibited from walking upright for most of it.

Grocery Shopping, But Make It ADVENTURE

John thought of a way to get us out of the house that didn't involve crowds of people OR being outside, so we made a whole afternoon of it:

WE HAVE FUN HERE

The International Food Club is one of those hidden gems you treasure; it's always empty in the late afternoons when we visit, the prices are reasonable, and it has foods, snacks, and drinks from all over the world. It's like a theme park for your mouth, y'all.

 

Also the front door is made of heavy plastic flaps you have to push through like you're in an action movie chasing after the baddies in an abandoned warehouse. BONUS.
 

 I mentioned our grocery haul in my Stories a while back, but now I'm back with REVIEWS. Awww yeeeeeah. Buckle up, gourmands. We may not be able to travel, but at least our taste buds can.

Starting off with my most fascinating find:

Doganay is apparently a popular drink in Turkey. I had one or two people on IG tell me they drank it daily when they lived or visited there.

I expected this to be carbonated, mildly sweet, and sort of kombucha-like.

This... was none of those things.