It's a holiday weekend here in the U.S., so of course most of us are busy offline binging Stranger Things. (AW YEAH.) ("Grumpy Dad Hopper" is my new patronus, btw.)
Don't worry, though, I still have some HIGH QUALITY CONTENT to share in the meantime.
Namely, my step-by-step experience of tasting the FYE-Exclusive Ghostbusters chocolate bars.
The flavors are "Stay Puft Marshmallow" and "Ectoplasmic Residue."
These debuted last month in honor of the movie's 35th anniversary, so don't worry, they're not THAT old. You can still buy them at FYE (check your local mall) for about $3 each.
But before you go spending your hard-earned cash, let's review these bad boys.
Green white chocolate. Slime filling. Yup. Scared.
My bar was already cracked open from the ride home, but surprisingly there was no spillage.
As you can see, it's a nice shade of green - definitely more of an avocado-countertop-from the-70s vibe than Slimer's radioactive green glow.
I'll be honest, I was really hoping for some runny ectoplasmic texture here. Something that spilled out like liquid candy. Instead this is more like a Jell-o Jiggler. (If you're reading a review of Ghostbusters chocolate bars then you ALSO remember Jell-o Jigglers, right?)
Now here comes the moment you've been waiting a whole 10 seconds for:
I believe my first words to John were, "This tastes like if Windex was candy" - but that's a lie, because I've never actually tasted Windex. Suffice to say this has a very artificial, chemical-like flavor (I know, SHOCKING) that's somehow worse in smaller bites.
If you take one big bite (DO IT FOR THE 'GRAM, JEN) then it tastes more like low-quality white chocolate with a tiny, TINY hint of lime in the jiggler bits*. In fact, the lime hint was so tiny I may have only imagined it thanks to the color. The ingredients do list "blood orange flavoring," though, so I guess there's something citrus in there.
[*"Jiggler Bits" is the name of my Jareth The Goblin King cover band.]
[This post is for a very specific audience, and if you're still here for it we should be friends.]
One final caveat: I'll admit I don't usually like white chocolate, so I'm already biased.
But this thing is still gross.
After my two bites I threw the rest away.
Now, onward and upward with my favorite marshmallow boi!
Marshmallow and chocolate! Woot woot!
I mean, it'd be impossible to mess this up... right?
Let's find out.
Ohhh, good start!
Ironically the marshmallow has more of the "slime" texture I was hoping for in the other bar. Runny, sticky - a perfect melted 'mallow feel.
The chocolate isn't great quality - definitely no Dove or Ghirardelli, not even Hershey level - but with the burst of liquidy marshmallow in the middle it's pretty darn tasty! I'm tempted to go buy another bar and make Smores with it, for obvious and delicious reasons.
So there you have it, anyone still online during the 4th of July weekend! I hope this made you smile, and maybe want to eat some chocolate and go watch Ghostbusters again, because really, you can never see that movie too many times.
But maybe AFTER you finish Stranger Things.
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No matter what, though, your support by simply being here is what keeps me going, so thanks, gang! I love you all like Stay Puft loves stepping on cars and churches.