Thursday, January 31, 2019

Freaky 'Tiques! 10 Hilariously Creepy Things You Only Find Antiquing

WARNING: Creepy stuff ahead. But it's also funny, and I'll show you cool stuff along the way, promise.


Two weekends back John and I spent a few hours at the famous Renninger's Antique Extravaganza here in Florida. This thing is HUGE, with tents, tables, and RVs set up as far as the eye can see. All selling old stuff. So, basically heaven.


If I had to sum up the Renninger's experience in a single photo, this would be that photo:

 

 You don't try to understand. You just enjoy the ride.


 Obviously I go antiquing for one thing, though. Well, two things. Maybe three. But one of the MAIN things is finding delightfully creepy stuff.





 You ever get the impression that people just didn't LIKE their children back in the day?

 The frog... is real. I didn't dare ask about the teeth:
 

Hang on, before you run away screaming, let me show you some COOL stuff:
 
You, uh, do consider a beer bottle encased in a bowling ball "cool," right?

WAIT DON'T GO.

It gets better:

Junk art owl! His eyes are reflectors, so they glow.


 And a self-serve popcorn maker, whaaaaat. (The door on the left holds the popcorn bags.)


Before this next photo I remarked to John that that must have been one heckuva toilet, and the people around us looked at me with a mixture of horror and pity, like I thought it was ACTUALLY a toilet brush, but joke's on them! I have no idea what it actually is.


 

 My tolerance for creepy dolls is pretty high, so you tell me: Cute or creepy?

Ignore the blood stains.


It was a little windy that afternoon, so imagine my adrenaline spike when this enormous lion head started moving:

It was swaying on the base. NO LION.


Dang, something that disturbing is gonna need an EXTREMELY cute chaser. Luckily I have just the thing:


Whoops. Wrong bear.

Here we go!


Fellow children of the 80s, MARVEL WITH ME. This is an original store display, STILL SEALED, and still functioning. When you press the button they sing a few different songs, and Cheer Bear even sways her head to the music! I can't get over how bright their colors are, seriously a time capsule from my childhood. (Although I don't remember Care Bears that moved and sang, do you?)

I feel like you still don't trust me after that first bear incident.

Would a table full of vintage Disney help?

I asked folks to guess which one I bought over on FB & IG, and most were in favor of Jiminy Cricket. He was definitely a strong contender, but I ultimately went with baby Donald on the top right. He's from 1984 (such a good year to us geeks) and super cute, though heinously filthy. Any tips for cleaning soft rubber? The best I've ever found so far is a Magic Eraser.

Here's comes another serious temptation for any Dizgeek:

Is this face ACTUALLY the one from Madame Leota's gravestone?  


No, no it's not. But I was super tempted anyway. Fortunately the seller stayed firm at $15, though, and I'm cheap. So no Leota look-a-like for me.

I have more traumatizing stuff to spring on you, but first I'll lull you with gorgeous gramophones:

THIS BOOTH WAS AMAZING. He was playing some of them, too!


 My two favorites. Swoony swoon.

Oh! And look at the beautiful graphics on these old store display cases:

The colors were so vivid.

This old playground rocker looks straight out of Battleship Bay in BioShock: Infinite:

 Then again, most old Americana stuff reminds me of Columbia now. :D


"DID YOU FORGET THIS IS A POST ABOUT CREEPY STUFF?"

 Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's just the angle that makes her seem creepy.

Nope. It's her face.
(Anyone else getting Michael Keaton vibes?)

And I think she's trying to tell us something...


Probably not this.

I should mention that at this point we'd moved from Renninger's back to my favorite antique shop here in Orlando, because Renninger's vendors are poopy-head morning people who pack up by 3pm, and we weren't done getting our Antiquing on.

Good thing, too, because in two hours at Orange Tree Antique Mall we found more greatness than in 2 days at Renninger's. BEHOLD:

 

Hmm, perhaps "greatness" was overselling it.  Is "enthusiasticness" a word?

(That's my friend & FOE Arielle helping, er, position the Rocket Pop Wienie Warmer. We were trying desperately not to touch it.)

And if dongs dressed as ice pops aren't your thing, then how about a childhood-scarring visual of the most traumatizing thing to happen to cleavage since the chestburster alien?

MISS PIGGY NO.

And where are your nipples?
 
Of all the horrific things about this, I think it's the eye contact that's the worst part.


Then a few aisles down I found this, so maybe gaping chest cavities were a thing?
It was labeled "pipe holder."

 I still have questions.

 One cheerful Unicorn Chaser, comin' up!

I love old school Rainbow Brite, it was hard to leave this behind.

This bedspread has the original book illustrations from Wizard of Oz, so cute:



 And this pumpkin head has one eyeball in its eye sockets, so hold me:

 I just now noticed it appears to be filled with hair, too. That's... that's great.


 Back to something cool!
 
 Ok, I completely fell for this: it's a bedside clock with a built-in nightlight; see the soft orange glow in the fireplace? Ermeregersh, the cutest. (But no, I didn't buy it. I AM STRONG.)

And finally, let's go out with a bang. I originally posted this in my Story:


...and then, because it was very late and I was getting punchy, I posted this:
 

So now one of my most cherished memories will be of hearing John's scream laughter (that's a thing, right?) from across the house as this popped up on his screen.

 I'll end with my heartfelt apology and my favorite of the many, MANY responses it garnered:

MY PEOPLE.


Hope you had fun shopping with me!

57 comments:

  1. Is that a lower jaw inside the pumpkin's mouth?

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    1. You're going to make me and go and look, aren't you. o.0

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    2. Pretty sure that's a yes... and also a NOPE from me dawg... thanks for the nightmare fuel Jen, as well as some screamlaughs! :D

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    3. *squeaks* Yes, it is in there. O_o

      What sort of warped pumpkin designer looks at that and thinks "Hmm. It's missing something..." before adding a weird shaped lower jaw in that disturbingly cute shaped mouth!? 😨😨😨

      And how do you get that job in the first place!? *oddly random migraine brain thought*.

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  2. Okay, that creepy teddy bear on the blue tarp? Looks almost EXACTLY like a teddy bear my father had that he claimed was from when he was a baby. I was always terrified of that thing.

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    1. Reminds me of Radar's teddy bear from Mash
      https://www.mash4077tv.com/images/features/bear010.jpg

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    2. Aha! I *knew* it looked familiar!

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  3. That beside clock-lamp! My grandparents had one! I wonder who has it now. I loved it as a kid. Theirs was a motion lamp, so when the light on the fire side was on, a piece of acetate spun inside making the flames look like they were moving. It's mesmerizing!

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  4. Those gramaphones! That radio! Ooooohhh myyyyy Gooooddd, I want them allllll!

    Not that I have room or money for any of that stuff. And it won't be warm enough up here for flea/antique markets until like...April. :(

    At least I can watch Money for Nothing or Find if Fix it Flog it to get my upcycling/antiquing fix. XD

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  5. Dude, I have a splitting headache and a to-do list that is insultingly long, and this post is exactly what I needed today. I screamed. I laughed. I scream-laughed. Thank you.

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  6. I HAD THAT RAINBOW BRITE TRAY AS A CHILD!! *sobbing loudly*

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  7. I want to go live at that antique market. So much awesome!!

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  8. There's a "Oddities" market coming up in Atlanta in a few weeks put on by Mike Zohn from Obscura in New York and I really really want to go and see if I can find something horrifying to bring home to terrify my husband with. A Trocar or a baculum, maybe? He has to work and it's over at 3 so there's no way he'd make it. Alas, we have been to Atlanta twice this month and the gas budget just isn't stretching for it.

    That Care Bears set up is AWESOME. Man, it would have been hard to pass that one and the Rainbow Brite platter up. How did you do it!? You must have willpower of steel!

    I can tell you one thing I would have walked away from your trip with. That Wizard of Oz blanket. It would be mine. All mine. <3 I love it.

    Fun photos! I still love that creepy peanut. :D

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    Replies
    1. As a geeky fangirl *and* a steampunk/antiques lover, I see SO SO MUCH I want to buy. But I also love having a house that isn't completely buried... so my willpower gets lots of workouts. :D

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  9. If you actually rested a pipe in that “pipe holder,” the end result would be sort of X-rated. And now I can’t get that image out of my head, so I had to share it! Sharing is caring, right? You’re welcome!

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    1. Huh, I was trying to figure out how a pipe worked in that design! THANKS A LOT, RACHEL.

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  10. It's all your fault (in the best way) that my friend and I are flying to FL for the next Extravaganza in February. Thanks for the tip that the vendors pack up early. My husband's a bit worried that I'm coming with cash and a large empty suitcase... Maybe we'll see you there!

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    1. Ooh, if you stay 'til the last 2 hours, then yes! You might see us! (We like to swoop in late. Pro Tip: the last hour on Sunday at least one vendor had two 10 foot tables all marked "FREE." We grabbed some fun junk!

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  11. I thought the peanut was the infamous Jimmy Carter peanut statue, but no, it is just some other weird peanut with teeth.

    (https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g60866-d116557-Reviews-Jimmy_Carter_Peanut_of_Plains_Statue-Plains_Georgia.html)

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  12. Is it wrong that I made this face 😍 at the creepy peanut, and would totally have bought it. 😁😁😁

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    1. I react with extreme delight to almost everything people recoil from while antiquing, so if that's wrong... then we should be friends. ;)

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  13. OOO what is that circular disc under the first creepy clown (tin man?) - it looks like it might be for some sort of music box?

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    Replies
    1. Yes! One of those large music boxes was playing in the gramophone tent, and my gosh, it sounded heavenly.

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  14. Oh man, I was feeling all happy and warm from that fireplace bedside clock...and then creepy peanut happened. LOL

    Psst! None of those are Cheer Bear(pink with a rainbow on her tummy). The first three, from left to right, are Love-a-Lot Bear, Wish Bear and Share Bear. And I'm not sure when the display is from but that's Laugh-a-Lot Bear on the right and I don't think she showed up till 2000-something. I do love me some Care Bears, though!

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    1. Definitely a display unit from 2002 or later, during the Care Bears' relaunch, and not from the 80's.

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    2. A-HA! That explains why it was in such great condition - and why I don't remember any moving versions from when I was a kid.

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    3. I'm glad someone pointed it out first! I still have my original Cheer Bear from nineteen-eighty-mumble and she is in Velveteen Rabbit shape. I scrolled to the comments to defend her honor. :)

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  15. So by the way, I think that giant toilet brush is actually used to clean ceiling fan blades.

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  16. also - have you tried cheap clear glue for cleaning the soft plastic? (like wood glue) - if you ceate layer, let it dry and peel it off it may take dirt and grie with it. I've used it on the rubber keychains and it works (example here https://soranews24.com/2015/07/17/the-clean-otaku-only-needs-one-thing-to-remove-grime-from-an-anime-keychain-and-its-not-soap/)

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    Replies
    1. Whaaaaaaa?! Totally trying this. Thank you!

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    2. Also, I have had good luck cleaning soft rubber by spritzing it with water, and then sprinkling with baking soda in the past.

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  17. The bedside clock's fireplace reminds me of the crystal ball in the Haunted Mansion.

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  18. Little scarecrow guy? Cute! I love the owl. I want to know, do you have a set amount when you head out the door or limit yourself to just one item? What’s your secret to not spending a wad? You kept saying you didn’t buy stuff, so what did you buy? Saving the real treasures for a future post of projects and parties, I hope. ( Wasn’t that nicely alliterated?)

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    1. Hmm, well, I have a few iron-clad guidelines: If I buy something it has to be A) VERY cheap and B)I have to know exactly where in my house I will display it.

      The only exceptions are for the extremely rare occasions when I fall madly in love and know I'll never find the Thing again.

      For Renningers I have a tradition of bringing home a small Donald toy for my collection, so I keep an eye out for those. Other than that I never plan to buy anything; I'm only there to look and take pics. In reality I did bring home a few other things: a $1 curtain swag holder, a $4 Mickey statue, and 2 things from the "FREE" table that I hope to use for crafts later. :)

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  19. The scarecrow/clown cloth doll looks just like a doll I have! My mom told me it was a boudoir doll, made to perch on a shelf or a bed. That said, it doesn't look much like most boudoir dolls aside from the long legs.

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  20. That porcelain figure of the little girl. . You ever seen 'Cats Don't Dance'? Serious Darla Dimple vibes.

    And the 'pipe holder'seems like good old fashioned family racism.

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    1. Yes! As soon as I saw the girl figure I immediately thought of Darla Dimple

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  21. the "toilet brush" might be a show brush?

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    Replies
    1. Hmm, John's theory was a rug beater, and someone else suggested a fan cleaner. You guys are making me feel better. ;)

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  22. I would have been hard pressed to leave that Wizard of Oz bedspread behind. If I had the time and the money, I'd be coming to Orlando right now. Maybe I can talk my husband into it, since we're driving down to Chattanooga tomorrow. What's an extra 560 miles or so, right? :)

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  23. I'm pretty sure I owned that first creepy doll. It was my mother's childhood doll. I don't remember it being creepy--I think that's just the amateur repaint job. In defense of the amateur repaint job, I too ruined the actual valuable antique quality of my mother's doll by child-hand-repainting it.

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  24. Try cleaning rubber with a soft cleansing facial pad (cotton type) and micellar water. Works wonders on Converse toe caps!

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    1. Oooh, I've never heard of micellar water, thx, I need to hunt some down! Especially with all my Chucks needing cleaning.

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  25. I'm fairly certain the toilet brush is for horses. *brushie brushie*

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  26. OMG that peanut just gave me a wicked flashback. When I was in middle school we took a big field trip to Washington DC. Jimmy Carter must have still been in the White House, because they were selling those things EVERYWHERE. My roommate for the trip bought one, and somehow it ended up in the reflecting pool on the national mall.

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  27. We, too, had the plastic Jimmy Carter peanut bank.

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  28. I love the creepy finds. Loads of good ones in there too though, like that bird rocking toy?! I love the lion, but not sure where I'd put it. I could never have left Rainbow bright, and that creepy pumpkin face with one eye would have needed to join my spooky decor for the screams of others.

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  29. That pipe holder reminds me of the restaurant scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. I can't remember the characyer's name off the top of my head, but he ate too much and exploded...😝

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  30. So I think I had that Rainbow Brite tray... to go with my Rainbow brite sheets that I may still have deeeep in the linen closet..

    Also I think that Care Bears display is from the 25th anniversary. They released a bunch of Care Bears stuff for the 25th anniversary (I got a dvd of the first cartoon from it, because previously I only had it on VHS). If it's original, it's flipping IMMACULATE and I DONT KNOW HOW THEY KEEP THAT FROM NOT YELLOWING. WITCHCRAFT.

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  31. I think that clown doll is actually kind of cute...if only it didn't look a little like skin in that lighting.

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  32. What app do you use to create the rhings like the peanut with eyes and the “pun apology” graphic? I LOVE those effects a,d want to play. 🙂

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    Replies
    1. That's all in Instagram Stories; you can add gifs on top of your photo, plus text and stickers. Super fun!

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  33. I had that Rainbow Brite tray when I was a kid! I wonder where it ended up?

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  34. I had the rainbow brite tray too,it came with a tea set... Good times.

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