STORY TIME: How My Brilliant April Fool's Joke Went Horribly, Hilarious Wrong

I post here on Tuesdays and Fridays, so when I mentioned to John that this Friday was April Fool's day, his eyes lit up.

"You should tell the Cake Wrecks story," he said.

"What?" I asked, horrified. "Why?"

"It's funny!"

"It absolutely is not."

"Sure it is! Tell them how it was so good, we fooled everyone."

"Yeah, and they hated us for it."

"Well, yes, but you can say it's how an April Fool's joke goes hilariously, horribly wrong."

"It's 'horribly, hilariously wrong' and you've been running this website for almost 15 years. I feel like you should know the tagline."

"TELL THE STORY."

"MEH."

:: 2 hours later::

Me, in front of the computer:

We've spent six years pretending this didn't happen, but sure.

We'd never attempted a real April Fool's joke before on Cake Wrecks, because people had a hard enough time believing most of the wrecks weren't pranks. Instead I usually featured illusion food for April 1st, like grilled cheese sandwiches that were really toasted pound cake:

(Vaughns Kimballs)

Or "cakes" made of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

(Food.com)

Those were fine, but a bit boring after a few years. I wanted to try something new.

If you're a looooong time reader of Cake Wrecks, then you know I have an occasionally wicked sense of humor. So for some reason back in 2016 - probably spurred on by ThinkGeek's always amazing fake product debuts, RIP -  I decided to rock the metaphorical boat. I wanted to legitimately fool people, in a funny, "gotcha!" sort of way.

Then I got an idea. An awful idea. I got a wonderful, awful idea.

My Two Best Tips For Thriving In Home Quarantine

Confession: it's kind of embarrassing how little my routine has changed this past week.

What HAS changed is how many of you are also suddenly at home full-time, figuring out how to lead happy, productive lives apart from other people. I'm seeing a lot of boredom, social media overload, and an overall sense of floundering in these foreign, solitary waters.

I've been a professional home-stayer for over a decade now, and while I do have to watch out for my agoraphobia to flare up, for the most part I've been an incredibly content, entertained, and dare-I-say productive social distancer. (You know, before it was cool. :p)

So as a self-proclaimed expert, let me offer two easy pieces of advice for you newbies. Both of these have to do with how you start your day, whether that's bright-and-early or overcast-and-midafternoon like me.

1) Get completely dressed before leaving your bedroom.

Pick out an outfit, do your hair, wear fun jewelry, and especially wear shoes if you can. (Shoes make a huge difference for me; bare feet signal my brain that it's Couch Time.) Most of the outfits you see me post on Instagram never leave the house; I wear them just for me. Picking out fun colors or a geeky t-shirt helps me start my day on a fun and creative note, and also makes me feel like I'm ready to get to work.

This quarantine is the perfect time to experiment with your wardrobe, btw. Try a different Disneybound every day, or dress your way through the rainbow. Wear hats or scarves! Paint butterflies on your face. Have fun. Then take a selfie for posterity, or post it online to encourage others.

Whatever you choose, resist the urge to wear your PJs all day, every day. That's fun for a weekend, but I promise you an all-day PJ habit will drag you down fast, and turn your days into a depressing drudgery. Also if your PJs are really that much more comfy than your day-to-day clothes, BUY NEW CLOTHES. And learn to embrace stretchy fabrics!


2) Make a daily "To Do" list

This changed my life, gang. Accept no substitutes!

Every morning I sit down with breakfast and jot down what I want to do that day. But here's the secret: The list isn't just work stuff! The list is everything and anything I'd like to do that day - even things I want to think about. On my list today I have things like Call Bianca (a good friend), Make Brownies, Brainstorm New Wall Finishes (for a future project), and Do Your Nails.

Adding fun things to your list is essential, so each morning brainstorm what you *want* to do, in addition to things you *should* do. What memories do you want to make? What activities make you feel better when you're stressed?

Don't overload your list, though. If you add too much your brain could do that thing mine does where it looks up at the mountain, switches to white noise, and then leads you to the couch to binge How It's Made for 4 hours. So stick to 15 items or less at first, then add on from there.

If you have a set routine every day, print it out and either laminate it or put it in a plastic sleeve or picture frame, so you can use a dry-erase marker on it. My laminated list is a smeary mess, but here's how it looks right now, halfway through my day:

My Most Popular Interview EVER Is About Something I'm Not: A Mom

I did a lot of interviews back in my heyday, to the point that I eventually turned down more than I accepted. After a year or two I figured I'd already covered everything there was to know about Cake Wrecks and my unexpected rise to fame, so why keep beating the dead horse cake?

The exceptions were the interviews with a twist: the ones that wanted to talk about something else, something that interested me just because the topic was so different. And of all those interviews, the only one that lives on - the only one I *still* get comments about from readers a whopping 7 years later - is my interview with Laura LaVoie for the site The NotMom.

At some point the NotMom site archived/deleted Laura's interview, though, so when a reader messaged me this month asking for it, I had John track it down on the Way Back machine.

I think this issue is still relevant for a lot of us, so I'm going to re-post the entire article here for posterity. (It's not very long.) I hope it sparks even more conversations and maybe brings a little peace to anyone who's ever struggled with not being a parent.

******

Looking for Women Without Children Online? Meet Jen Yates.

 

Childless and childfree women come in lots of shapes and sizes. We are all colors, all cultures, and all ages. As much as we have in common, we are also very different. Some people say it is strange to define ourselves by things that we are not, so let’s determine what we are instead.

Childfree blogger Laura LaVoie interviews women bloggers without children who answer the question, “If you’re not a mom, then what are you?” 

At the third of this series, Laura says: 

 

I proudly admit to being a geeky fan-girl. I spend time watching science fiction television and super-hero movies and reading blogs on similar topics. I know what “steampunk” is. I attend conventions like Dragon*Con and dress up in costumes. I would do it more if I could. So, I was very excited when I had the opportunity to talk with Jen Yates (above) of Cake Wrecks and her geek blog, EPBOT. I admire Jen for her geek creds and her ability to take something she loved and create a career around it. She is also a NotMom.

 

 

Tell us about yourself and your blog.

 

My name’s Jen, and I’m mostly known online for my first blog, Cake Wrecks. I also write Epbot, a blog where I get to talk about my passions for all things geeky, DIY, steampunk, Disney, and so on.

Why did you start blogging?

I started Epbot because I needed an outlet where I could just be me, and where I could share the things I’m passionate about without worrying so much about trying to make people laugh. I also wanted to meet and interact with fellow geeks, since we don’t have too many geeky friends IRL [in real life]. It’s wonderful having an online community that really understands and appreciates the same things you do, and it’s incredibly validating to have people you respect see and enjoy things you’ve written or created.

Tell us a bit about your life situation.

I’ve been married to my husband John for 14 years now, and we’ve worked together since our first wedding anniversary. We started out as specialty painters, where I worked for John, and when Cake Wrecks took off we became bloggers, where John works for ME. (Muah-ha-haa!) We have two cats: Lily (mine) and Tonks (his). I’ve never wanted children – even as a kid myself, I never so much as played house – but John did, initially. I talked him out of it before we were married, and these days he thanks me for that at least once a week. Ha!


How do you feel you are treated as a childfree woman?

That changes drastically according to the social setting. When John and I were regular church goers, it was definitely more of a noticeable and commented-on issue. The church we were in at one time had lots of huge families, and it seemed every mom in there was patting me on the shoulder and assuring me that someday I’d change my mind about not wanting kids – which was mildly infuriating.

Then again, I think all moms tended to treat me that way when I was younger. Now that I’m in my 30s, I find people are generally more respectful, perhaps because they don’t see me as the wide-eyed twenty-something who doesn’t know her own mind.

Because John and I don’t socialize with any large groups that have kids these days, we tend to avoid that kind of pressure now. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been a little hard watching almost all of our couple friends have kids, though. We happily paint their nurseries, throw them baby showers, and even read their kids a story from time to time – but with most of them, we fall out of touch within a year. Kids are a huge, life-changing event, and that’s an event we just can’t relate to. Not to mention we like to make spontaneous dinner plans, which kids aren’t exactly conducive to.

We’ve been fortunate enough to find a few friends around our age who are also child-free by choice – and geeks to boot! – plus a few parents who are able to socialize and relate on a non-kid level, which is awesome. Combined with all my friendships online through Epbot, I feel like I have the richest social life now that I’ve ever had.

What defines you and your life? 

I believe my actions, my words, and my creations define me. The changes I make in the lives around me, and the people I affect – hopefully for the better. I want to be a positive example online for fellow girls and fellow geeks, and I want to make and write beautiful things that make people smile. If I can do all of those things, then THAT will be what defines me.

What message do you want to send to advertisers and readers about being a childfree woman today? 

To advertisers, I would say to not make the mistake of ignoring or discounting childfree women and couples these days, because we’re on the rise.

And to readers, I think I’d say there’s no shame in not wanting kids, so don’t be afraid to question the roles society wants to put you in. Children should never be a foregone conclusion; they should be a deliberate choice. And to readers who are already parents, please remember that not everyone wants the same things you do, so don’t assume a child-free couple is any less fulfilled or happy or selfless than you are. We all have different goals and strengths in this life, and for some of us, parenting just isn’t it!

*****

Any of you have more thoughts on this? Do you think it's easier now than it was 7 years ago to be childfree? (It seems a lot easier to me, but I assume that's because I'm older and have surrounded myself with more like-minded folks.)

Also, for you parents out there: do you have many non-parent friends? Any tips for making those kinds of relationships work better?

Ten Blogging Years!! ...Can Give You Such A Crick In The Neck

Cake Wrecks is officially 10 years old, gang. Raise your hand if that makes you feel old.

Ten years ago I was depressingly "normal." I was experiencing my first ever panic attacks, but I didn't know what panic was yet. I'd never heard of cosplay or steampunk, my last experience with gaming was a Sega Genesis, and my geeky loves from my childhood were reserved for insider jokes with close friends - which most of them didn't get. I literally kept my love of Star Trek - and all 300 of my collected novels - in the closet. I dressed and acted the way I thought I was supposed to, really really tried to make people like me, and generally had no idea who I was.

I started Cake Wrecks for two reasons: I was bored, and I love to write. What no one knew, though, was that I also love to be funny. Being funny is often seen as being rude, though, so in my terrified, everyone-must-like-me mindset, I figured I could never joke around in person.

Ahhh, but with this new fangled "blogging" thing? There I could let loose.

Anonymously, of course.

Cake Wrecks gave me the ride of my life: the terror of being discovered when it went viral, the eventual joy and confidence that came from success, and most lasting, most fulfilling: discovering  there were people out there who got my geeky inside jokes.

When snarking on cakes became a chore, as every job eventually does, I started Epbot. I was determined to narrow in on these mythical creatures who knew what the Kobayashi Maru was, the ones who laughed and finished my Princess Bride quotes, the ones who said they had crazy themed weddings and wore costumes and just had fun.

I wanted to find my people.

Or more accurately, I wanted to find these people, and become one of them.

At the same time, I was bringing John to his first conventions, and reveling in the memories of my ones from middle and high school. We bought a PlayStation, and I watched John play through the most mesmerizing stories, feeling like I was there in the screen with him. We started going to dinner with people who'd e-mailed me to bond over movies like Oscar or old Disney parades, people who were so friggin' intimidating, because they were doing all these fabulous things and had all these passions, and I felt like the interloper among them, but then after a few hours we found we couldn't stop talking.

What I'm saying is, it was a beautifully gradual thing, turning into the 10-years-later me.

Today I have a new inner circle of friends, with only one exception (love you, Julianne!). The ones who never got my jokes, who looked quizzical when we talked about dressing up for Halloween, who said someday we'd grow up? All gone. All replaced by people we've met because of Cake Wrecks or Epbot. Every. Single. One.

So when I say these blogs have changed my life, that's what I mean. I'm free online and IRL, free to be me and love what I love, because I've found the community that celebrates those things. I can wear rainbow sneakers, play video games, build silly crafts, rave about cosplay, and most importantly, make people smile with the things that make ME smile.

And when the times get tough, and my panic rears up, or the agoraphobia holds me down, I've found unending support for that, too. I held off for a lot of years, afraid to talk about it, afraid people would see it as attention-seeking or weak. Then The Bloggess paved the way by being so open about her depression, and I realized, everyone's out here just waiting for someone to talk about it.

So I talked about it.

And it got better.

Not always in the way I wanted, but even knowing I wasn't alone, that made it better.



This month marks some big changes for me and John. My world has been shaken of late. After losing Tonks and Lily we also lost my grandmother, though her passing was mercifully peaceful and expected. (I wrote her obituary - such an incredible honor and responsibility - and wow does that help crystallize some life goals.)

John and I originally planned to shut down Cake Wrecks this anniversary, but instead - once again - we switched course last minute and decided to keep it going. I'm clinging on to the familiar, still not ready to let go of this thing that's given me so much. Not ready to stop cracking jokes and making poo puns, not ready to say goodbye to Carrot Jockeys and the Epcot bunker. (HI GUYS.)

At the same time, we have all these exciting new ideas for Epbot, with no clear plan yet on how to do them. A good problem to have, but still! Oh, and get this; my parents retired last week, sold all their possessions, and moved into an RV to tour across the country. WOW. Again, exciting, but such a big change.

Finally, my health took a nose dive, which made my panic flare up, and I spent last week just holding on, just breathing, just taking my meds and talking myself down while relying on John to make doctor appointments and even the smallest of decisions. Out of desperation we started the AIP, an extremely hard-to-follow diet that requires we home-cook every meal, so our new hobby is grocery shopping and baking with something called cassava flour. I still don't know what cassava is, you guys. This is... this is a lot to take in.

Oh, and I turned 40.

So yeah, big stuff, mostly exciting stuff, but big. And now that my panic monster is settling down, I can start to look at it all with hope again. Hope that we'll figure it out, hope that we won't screw up, hope that Cassava flour isn't something gross like ground-up snail tails, because who does that?

I'll leave you with my last IG post, since I'm lazy and don't want to retype this caption again:

10 years ago today I started a "goofy little cake blog" that would change my life forever. 🎂🍰 I've never posted my face on Cake Wrecks, and I probably never will, but here's a frizzy, no-filter selfie to celebrate. 🎉(I put on a little makeup for my 2 doctor appointments today, so I felt yucky AND semi-cute. 😊It's been raining for nearly a week now, though, so there's no helping the hair.) ------------------------------------- I've been struggling this month with health issues, big life changes, and panic from both those things, so it's hard to appreciate today. It's too big. So instead I try to focus on the people: the many, MANY friends I've made, the boxes of homemade cards & fan mail in my closet, the thousands of e-mails & messages saying something I did - something *I* did - made their lives a little happier, a little better. That's what I'm celebrating today. (That, and being brave enough to take a selfie sometimes, so someday maybe I can learn to like my face.) ------------------------------------------- I love you guys. Thanks for sticking around. And extra sprinkles for those of you who've been with me for the long-haul! 🏆💖

A post shared by Jen Yates (@epbot) on May 21, 2018 at 5:46pm PDT

The response so far on IG - from all over the world - has been amazing and heartwarming and I've cried at least twice. You're just proving my point here, friendly FOE: when you find your tribe, it's worth it to take some risks. It is so worth it. Talk to someone new, be a little vulnerable, make that inside joke. Assume someone out there is waiting for you to lead the way.

You might be surprised where it takes you.

Love & Sprinkles, Inside a Heart

10-Years-Later Me

Let's All Facebook Stalk My New Best Friend Who Doesn't Know I Exist

Fair warning: I'm about to cross the streams by showing you a funny cake. Or rather, something hilarious ABOUT a cake. Something that made my whole weekend, so you MUST SEE.

It all started with this Instagram post:

This beautiful geode cake is available NOW in Maple Grove. Only ONE! 4” round vanilla cake iced with vanilla buttercream. $65. Serves 6. Call to reserve over the phone before it's gone! 763-575-8885 ext 8

A post shared by Nadia Cakes (@nadiacakescupcakes) on Jan 27, 2018 at 2:07pm PST

...which started a veritable firestorm of "OMG LOOK A VAGINA" comments.

Now, speaking as someone who's seen more than her fair share of unintentional pastry p...er... hoo-haws, I think this one's a stretch. (HEYOOOO.) However, I've also learned the internet thinks EVERY geode cake is vag-tastic, so I'm not too surprised.

What did surprise me was the way the baker, Nadia's Cakes, responded:

 

And just like that, I knew I was in for a good comment thread.  

(Quick shout-out to Marcella Gossen for sharing these screenshots!)

Only 50%? Dang, she should hang out with the Cake Wrecks crowd sometime. 

At this point I figured the baker was done. Maybe a little irked, but mostly resigned to her cake's fate and ready to move on to other posts.

BUT NO. 

Instead, she proceeded to have way too much fun with people:

How John Gets His Exercise

Yesterday on Cake Wrecks I reran one of my favorite posts, which reminded me of a draft that's been languishing in my "YOU CAN'T POST THIS" folder here on Epbot for, no joke, three years. Well, I think it's safe now, fellow geeks, and this post's time has come. Plus I still think it's funny. So here goes.

******

John is my PR manager online, and he's very, very good at it. He has turned apologizing to angry Cake Wrecks commenters into an art form, and can defuse just about any situation with a gracious word and a "let's hug it out, b*tches" attitude.

John is also (understandably) a lot more paranoid than I am when it comes to anticipating online firestorms, and has been known to censor some of my more hilarious snippets over on CW (just take my word for it), and even proofs posts over here, looking for that errant quip that will, say, incur the wrath of Canada. Again.

The irony, of course, is that in real life John's sense of humor is WAY more likely to attract pitchfork-bearing internet masses, and I'm forever shushing him in public through a haze of suppressed giggle-tears.

Anyhoo, all that brings me to the other night, when I was late for dinner.

Me: "Sorry, just had to finish something."

John: "That's ok. What was it?"

 

Me: [flapping hand dismissively] "Oh, there was someone commenting about how Harry Potter was 'of the devil'".

John: [going very still] "And you said...?"

Me: [bright smile] "I told her I thought Jesus was a Gryffindor! Heyyyy, this is good chicken." 

John: [drops fork] [sprinting for his laptop] "NOOOOOOOOO"

In my defense: I was very nice and respectful, and I think I made a solid case. Plus it was in the comments of a friend's blog, not mine. So no one will ever know.

Unless they recognize my name, of course. Or my Lady Vadore avatar. Or read this post. 

[head tilt] Hmmm.

Ok, I got it!

Let's go back in time, and NOBODY TELL JOHN.

Remember, Tonks is watching. Alllways watching.

***

P.S. I know I'm the one who brought it up, but please no bashing anyone's beliefs in the comments. Remember, there are really awesome people out there who don't agree with you. That's what keeps life interesting. And sometimes funny.

Now, let's hug it out, b*tches.

A Lesson In Sharing From Young House Love

Recently someone asked me how I came to the decision to start talking about my anxiety and agoraphobia online. While I was mulling over my answer, a few other readers linked me to a surprisingly relevant article in NY Magazine about Young House Love.

Do you remember John and Sherry Petersik's (in?)famous home renovation blog? They began a year before I started Cake Wrecks, and we all enjoyed that golden age of blogging when money and book deals were plentiful. For some reason I never got into YHL, though. I knew *of* the site, of course, but never clicked over to explore.

Theirs is a story of hard work, success, phenomenal success, and the now-familiar slide into sponsored posts, over-sharing, and the horror of having once-loyal followers turn on you. It's a cautionary tale for anyone who writes online, and a vital perspective shift for everyone else. The internet is a complex beast, and we should all know the dangers before trying to dance with it.

Anyway, I highly recommend the whole article, but this snippet in particular jumped out at me:

“You will not find a single blog with that kind of cult following that doesn’t have a personal connection. But what creates that kind of devoted following can also be problematic. At some point you have to ask: Do you want your life to become your business?”

That's a huge dilemma online, and one I think any blogger with even moderate success is familiar with. As readers we crave that personal connection. We want to KNOW the blogger, warts and all. But at the same time, we can get this feeling of ownership, as if those writers somehow belong to us, or at the very least, work for us. We also expect bloggers we like to always do like-able things, but that's a moving target. Plus the more we like them, the more betrayed we feel when they step out of line.

Now throw money into the mix, as bloggers try to make more while advertisers are paying less, and you've got a virtual powder keg.

I don't claim to have the answer, and in fact when I see big blogs fall into a hailstorm of controversy over over-sharing and over-monetizing, it's more than a little scary. I'm often grateful that I don't have those levels of success here on Epbot, because if CW taught me anything, it's that fame brings out the pitch forks, no matter who you are.

At the same time, I love what I do here, and I've never regretted the personal things I've shared on Epbot. I've met many of my closest friends here, been cheered through anxiety struggles, and even received life-changing health advice - all from virtual strangers. It's freaking amazing.

Thanks to this geek community, I'm proud to say my own journey into "over sharing" on the internet has brought me nothing but joy, encouragement, and a deeper sense of meaning. It took me years to reach this level of comfort, of course, and I still try to be smart about it, but now I can't imagine NOT sharing some of my struggles and personal triumphs with all of you.

In fact, that's what I ended up telling that reader: that I eventually reached a point where it felt harder to NOT talk about my anxiety online. Getting it out in the open just felt right. Still scary, of course, but right.

So I guess I'll keep writing what I love to write, sharing what my heart tells me to share, and trust that those of you who stick around are cool with that.

Cool?

Cool.

Here's that article again. Go check it out for a good read.

Anyone Want To Feed My Cats? :D

Over the years many of you have asked about ways to support me and John financially, which is super flattering, but I never wanted to go down the road of shaking the virtual coffee cup for spare change, as it were.

However, times are changing, online ad revenue continues its downward spiral, lots of folks use RSS or AdBlock, and I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. All of that plus some lofty future goals have forced me to re-examine a few things I've always rejected out of hand. Things like a "donate" button. :/

The good news is I really LIKE my future plans, and I think you guys will, too. The only trick is making sure John and I can continue to make a living doing what we love.

SO, rather than keep putting this off and writing and re-writing this post and endlessly worrying about it, here's the thing: see that pretty new Epbot box in the sidebar over there? --------->

If you don't see it, scroll down a bit. I'll wait.

[hums Ghostbusters theme]

Find it? Sweet.

By clickety-clicking those buttons, you can either become a monthly Epbot supporter through PayPal (for as little as a dollar), make a one-time donation (also for as little as a dollar), or, YAY FREE OPTION: shop Amazon through our affiliate link. With holiday shopping upon us, just using that link alone would be a hugely wonderful thing.

I do know about Patreon, but this is kind of a test run to gauge interest. If enough of you are crazy sweet enough to want to help keep Epbot going, then I have some fun ideas for prizes, raffles, etc. for supporters. And if we end up with tumble weeds, well hey, then I'll know this was a dumb idea.

I hope to share more with you all in the next several months. 'Til then, thank you, thank you, a million times over. Your comments on my last post alone make me want to build a big ol' geeky commune and move in with you all - only not in a creepy way. (John could cook and build us things. It would be GLORIOUS.)

Barring that, I want to keep sharing projects and photos, making you laugh (and maybe sometimes cry), and geeking out with you for as long as you're willing to read my nonsense. In fact, I hope to get to do even more of it!

But first, somebody's gotta feed this face:

... and I guess Tonks' face, too.

But, you know, PRIORITIES.

****

Quick Update: You can tell I'm new at this, because I forgot to mention that particular Amazon link only works for U.S. purchases. Boops. Here's the link for Canada, and here's the one for the U.K - though the U.K. referral program is apparently going away soon.  

If enough of you would like it, I'll see about adding Canada's Amazon link to the sidebar, or we could do the same thing we do over on CW, and include the links in the footer of every post. Unless that'd be too annoying. Um. What do you guys think?

Banned From Facebook... Over A Thanksgiving Cake

I woke up today to a rather stressed, albeit amused, husband, and to this notice on my Facebook account:

Those of you who saw that post (and about a million people did; it was quite popular) saw it as being from Cake Wrecks' official page - my personal avatar is only up there because CW has more than one Page Admin.

So at least one of those million people saw the post and flagged it for nudity, because, as we all know, turkey cakes are naked. Except for the frosting feathers. They like the feel of the wind in their wattles, IF you knowwaddamean. [WINKWINK.]

[quickly googles "wattles" to make sure it means what I think it means. Yes? Phew! Ok, carry on.]

We've had cakes taken down on FB before for "nudity," and if memory serves they've always been turkey cakes, so maybe bakeries should take THAT as a hint. However, this was the first time I also got this notice when I tried to write something on my personal page:

Yep, I've been banned from posting ANYWHERE on Facebook for 24 hours - including Epbot. I also can't "like" or comment on anyone else's posts. It's like Facebook is making me stand in the corner as punishment. Over a Thanksgiving cake.

The extra stressful part, though, was that FB also oh-so-helpfully messaged all 4 of our Page Admins, told them how naughty I was, and then asked if they wanted FB to remove the Cake Wrecks Facebook page. So with a single "yes" click, any of us could have accidentally unpublished the page and lost over seven years' worth of work and followers. Over a Thanksgiving cake.

Actual conversation between John and one of our Page Admins:

Admin: "Hey, I've got this notice here... so should I unpublish the page like it wants?"

John:

Then, after we each told Facebook that no, we did NOT want to delete the Cake Wrecks page, it got positively sulky (for a web program) and asked if it could at least delete our photos. 

Facebook: "C'mon, just a couple photos. You won't even miss them! Maybe the ones with more 'nudity'? Eh? EH? OH COME ON THROW ME A BONE HERE."

So here I sit, banned, scolded, and relieved that the FB overlords have deigned to let me keep my livelihood and nearly eight long years' work for another day... starting tomorrow.

Say it with me now: Over a Thanksgiving cake.

The *Other* Story Of Mertie The Snail

You guys have heard me talk about my friend Jason of Red Rocket Farm a couple of times now; he's a skilled artist with a truly twisted sense of humor - both of which are on display in his new(ish) comic web series, Story Town.

Several weeks ago, as I was reading the first few pages of Jason's latest story, the strangest thing happened: I suddenly HAD to try sculpting. More specifically, I had to try sculpting Jason's newest main character, a snail named Mertie:

I was in a rough place emotionally at the time. We'd just had some more drama and controversy over on Cake Wrecks, and both John and I were feeling beat up, wrung out, and generally awful. John hadn't slept in three nights. I was writing and re-writing online apologies for something we never intended or could have predicted. Still, the Internet Outrage Machine was at full throttle, and it was all we could do to keep ahead of it.

So it was in that mindset that I sat down to read this story about an introverted, friendless snail.

Within just a few pages, I chuckled. I felt... better. There was something so reassuring and comforting there: a reminder that light and life still existed outside of my own stress-filled sphere. That art and story-telling and happy things would always go on. That this, too, would pass - even if only at a snail's pace.

John drove me to the craft store, and while I shopped for clay he was on his phone, checking for more angry comments.

Back home, I sat at the dining room table and cut off some clay. I had no idea what I was doing, but it was calming, holding and smoothing that squishy lump into a rough shell shape. I'd never sculpted before, and I was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but amazingly just trying was fun. (My fellow perfectionists know it's usually never fun for us unless perfection is guaranteed. Amirite?)

I don't know how long I sat there - an hour? - but eventually I looked down and realized I was holding Mertie's shell in my hand. I was even a bit startled.

The rest of her went much faster, so within another hour or so, I had this:

I looked at her, this thing I had made in the quiet, away from notifications and moderations and angry virtuality, and I saw tangible evidence that everything was going to be ok. I took that picture with my phone, and after a few minutes' deliberation, I texted it to Jason, along with a few lines thanking him for helping me during a down time.

Then I set Mertie on a shelf to dry, and went to bed.

The next day, I had a long note from Jason waiting for me in my inbox. Without going into details that aren't mine to share, Jason was also in a rough place that night. Much worse than mine, in fact. My text had reached him right in the midst of a terrible situation, and seeing how his work had both helped and inspired someone else was just what he needed at that moment.

Reading his note, I felt mildly ashamed of my own self-pity, but more than that, I was so glad I hadn't listened to the little voice warning me not to send my message. I generally like to be free with compliments, but sometimes, compliments take vulnerability. Sometimes you have to admit things are broken in order to thank someone for fixing them. That's tough. Especially if you don't know the person well - or even at all!

But here's the thing, and here's the reason I'm writing this long-winded dissertation about a clay snail: you never know when that heart-felt thanks will mean the world to someone. We're all a little broken. All of us. Misery and hurt are no respecters of person or position. But sometimes - and more often than you might think - thanks and praise find their marks at precisely the right moment.

So be free with your praise, my friends. Be vulnerable. Be generous. Tell them.



And now, as your reward for slogging through all that text, here's my finished Mertie:

 

 (Did I really order a suction cup gun set online JUST for that one dart? Yes, yes I did.) 

 

Mertie's story is still going over at Story Town, btw, if you'd like to read along with the rest of us. Here's the first page.

And finally, here's a sweet story from Jason - just published today - about his own hard time.

Jumpin' Jellyfish! (AKA Dragon Con Decompressing)

I have at least 1,500 Dragon Con cosplay photos to sort and edit (ACK!), but first...

JELLYFISH!!

Show of hands, who else is thinking Farpoint Station?

The day before Dragon Con John and I visited the Georgia Aquarium for the first time, and despite my efforts to not take any pictures, I ended up "borrowing" John's camera quite a bit.

Dragon Con was amazing and inspiring and exhilarating as always, and I find it gets a little easier  each year, thank goodness, as I get better at crowd maneuvering and remembering where everything is. We met so many amazing readers - many at their first con ever! - which really made the time zip by. In fact, I think we did less than half of what I had scheduled, but at least we got to see the whole cast of Warehouse 13 crying together on stage. (SO SWEET.)

I also did a costume change in a parking garage, finally met steampunk Darth Vader, helped a fan recreate a childhood photo with Dreamfinder, and attended a dance party with Lord Voldemort - who was a surprisingly nice guy. ;)

This year we had a lot of problems with Cake Wrecks over the weekend, though, so almost every day John was fielding new emergencies over the phone & stressing over not being near a computer. First the site went down, then comments, then there were ad problems redirecting site traffic, and then some bakers squabbling over who should get credit for a Sunday Sweet - and who kept changing their mind before ultimately demanding the Sweet be pulled so NO ONE would get credit.

So a lot of the con John was off in the corner somewhere with his phone, yelling to be heard over the massive crowds, and generally having a crappy time of it. :(

In fact, if you'll indulge me, I have to vent a little about my day job now. But first, more jellyfish!

Ahhhh. So soothing.

Since May of 2008 John & I have been on-call 24/7 for CW, and I can mark most vacations since then by which site-related emergency happened during it. We can outsource a few things like comment moderation, but ultimately, whether it's a virus on the ads or a controversy over vagina cakes, John is the only one who can handle the big stuff. And it's exhausting, I gotta tell you, having my happy hubby snatched away at a second's notice, and seemingly every time we try to get away for a while.

I've come to terms with the workload and the writer's block and the creative challenge of writing about cake 6 days a week, every week, but weekends like this - plus the occasional behind-the-scenes drama with readers & bakers - are the most draining and soul-sucking part of it all.

Here, have another jelly:

 

 Straight off the camera, no cropping or editing at all. Pretty, huh?

Ok, back to the Jen Vent.

A few weeks ago a famously nasty TV baker ripped John a new one - over Sunday Sweets. As in, we said nice things about TV baker's cake, and TV baker was furious that we dared show TV baker's cake. John immediately apologized, removed the photo within three hours of it going up, and was incredibly kind about the whole thing. (I could never have been so sweet, given how angry and belittling the initial e-mail was.)

In response we got more threats, insults, and a very public rant on TV baker's FB page that went so far as to misquote John, making us out to be some kind of cartoon villains. Again, OVER SUNDAY SWEETS. I just... I mean... how? How can someone - a famous someone - be so mean over something trying to be nice?

Keeping silent over perceived injustices is hard enough, but when they happen to John? Patient, long-suffering, always-apologizing-when-it's-not-his-fault John? ARG. It took all my strength not to rush to his defense, and to publicly post that e-mail exchange on CW. It ate at me for days. It still does - which I guess is pretty obvious right now, huh?

But I hate conflict. And I hate negativity. And I hate complaining! (Heh. Aheh. Irony.)

I think it's time for another jellyfish.

OoooOOOOooo. I feel... calm. I am floating... in a sea... of positivity.

Sorry for the gloomy complaint dump, guys. Sometimes I just want someone to know what goes on behind all the lolz and punny commentary. I have an amazing job, and I'm grateful John & I still have fun with it, but it does cut us to the core from time to time. Even after six years of internet immersion, we still cry, lose sleep, and bang our heads on the desk in desperate frustration. I get a sinking feeling every time John's phone rings at 9:04AM, wondering who's mad at us now, or what went wrong on the site, or which icing balloon looks a little TOO phallic, or maybe not phallic enough.

Even after the problem is corrected, the bad feelings that get hurled at us linger, dragging us down and making it that much harder to be funny on demand.

We live our lives one damning tweet or headline away from total social media and career disaster. All it takes is one accusation, one misquote, one joke-gone-wrong, and the entire internet can turn against us in an instant. That's not hyperbole; we've all seen it happen many times. And balancing a writing career on that knife-edge of humor - too bland and no one reads, too edgy and you invite backlash - is tough, to say the least.

Anyway, so when I'm in the midst of Dragon Con, among Our People, trying to escape cake and controversy, and the phone keeps ringing, and John keeps sighing, and the whole blessed internet just won't leave us alone for one lousy weekend, I get kinda grumpy about my day job.

And that's why I'm sitting here, spilling my guts to you guys and editing aquarium pictures.

 

John took this one, so it's his favorite.

And you know what? I actually feel a lot better now.


I started Epbot as an escape, but I got this amazing community in return. On days like today, it's also my pressure valve. So if you actually read through all that mess, thanks for sticking with me.

(And if not, I hope you at least liked the pictures.)

Now as a reward, here's our favorite river otter:

We asked later, and apparently she was born with a kind of palsy that makes her shake. It goes away when she's in the water, and doesn't seem to bother her at all, but the constant shaking was heart-breakingly cute, like a kitten in a leg cast.

She also dragged her back legs most of the time instead of walking on them, but I think that was just laziness, since she stood up like this to look through the window several times:

Watching her drag herself over to the window - shaking away - to peer out at me was such a special moment. I know they're not artistic photos or anything, but they make me smile.

 

And my last few favorites:

 That penguin's expression, you guys. Ha!

Ok, peeps, stay tuned for my actual Dragon Con coverage, and some amaaaazing costumes!

And hey, if you're having a crappy day: tomorrow will be better. Promise.

No Regretsy

Regretsy is Shutting Down, via BoingBoing

Many of you no doubt already saw this as it happened on February 1st, like I did, but BoingBoing just posted a snippet of an interview where April describes the behind-the-scenes work of the site that really struck home with me. I've always felt a kind of kinship with April, though we've only swapped a few e-mails in our whole acquaintance, and I'm sorry to see the Regretsy community go. April ran the Cake Wrecks of Etsy crafts, and I ran the Regretsy of cakes. Save the subject matter, we were in the same business. April was and is so much braver than me, though, and I confess I often read Regretsy with a guilty kind of glee mixed with envy - her snark is as legendary as it is unrepentant. And while at my heart I know I'm just a gentler jokester, the fact is I look to writers like April to say the things I can't (or won't) sometimes, and to joke about things that make me gasp like the Dowager Countess, imagining the kind of hate mail I would get if I DARED make *that* joke - but I laugh all the same.


Seeing Regretsy go also strikes home my sense of mortality for Cake Wrecks, since Regretsy was actually younger than CW by nearly a year. It feels so strange to have outlived it, in a way, but when I think of all the times John and I swore we would shut the site down only to recant at the eleventh hour, maybe it's not so strange after all. Traffic isn't the issue; we've been at a respectable plateau for ages now, although our ad revenue continues to tank at an alarming rate. (Last month we made less than a quarter of what we did three years ago - even with more readers now than we had then. But that's how it is for everyone online these days, and it's still enough for us to live on for now, so I can't complain.) It's more what April said about the long hours and e-mails and heartache and how everything has to be bigger and badder and more shocking to please the readers - and she's right: even if you love every second of it, you just can't do that forever.

(Actually, April didn't say anything about heartache - that one's all mine.) 

Don't worry if you're a CW fan, though; I may not be able to do this forever, but I can still do it a while longer. And it's not like I'm alone; I have John and Lindsey and Sharyn to help back me up a bit. Even if I do drive them all a little crazy with my editing and general control freakishness.

Anyway, sorry if this sounds a bit melancholy; I haven't been able to spend as much time as I'd like here on Epbot this past week, and that always gets me down. (It is my hobby, after all, and has to take a back seat to the "real job.") On the bright side, one of the reasons is that pantry/laundry room makeover John and I are working on. I have a washer and dryer in my dining room, every piece of food stuff we own is strewn throughout the house, and we just hooked the water heater back up after three days for some much-need hot showers. Heh. You can bet I'll have all the gory before and after pics for you as soon as I have them, and I hope a few tutorials as well, since I've convinced John to let me try some crazy fun stuff in there. (Three words: Sliding barn door. OH YEAH.)

Getting back to Regretsy, though, go read the whole Wired article BoingBoing linked to. It's an eye-opening glimpse at the world I used to take completely for granted, until I fell into it myself. It's also a comfort to know April will still be online, writing her own Epbot, as it were, at AprilWinchell.com. Fads and memes and niche blogs may fade away, but I like to think that any strong writer who has a platform to write whatever she likes will always "stay interesting." These personal blogs may not have the viral successes, but they have something better: staying power, variety, and a real personal connection.

At least, that's what I'm banking on. ;)

My "Not Mom" Interview

I've reached the point in my career where I turn down more interview requests than I accept, both because I'm tired of answering the same questions all the time ("What's your favorite wreck?") and I am a terrible, terrible marketer. (Buy my books? Please?) And I think it goes without saying that all radio and TV requests are politely declined*.

That's why it's so refreshing to do an interview that focuses on something other than Cake Wrecks, and this recent one with Laura of The Not Mom was an absolute pleasure to write. She's doing a series focusing on child-free women online, but in a lovely, supportive manner that I think celebrates everyone's life choices, with none of the holier-than-thou attitudes that can sometimes invade both sides of the parenthood issue.

Head over to Laura's article to read my responses on things like how I'm treated as a child-free woman, my thoughts on what defines me, and the role blogging plays in my social life. It's not a long article, and I think it could help spark some deeper discussions on parenthood, life choices, and how we perceive others.

And thank you, Laura, for the great interview!


*To be fair, it's not like interviewers are beating down my door, but I do still get a few requests a month. And it's always nice to be asked. ;)

News Overload!!

There's been so much happening online the past few days, I feel like I'm on internet overload. Between Sandy and Disney-buying-Star Wars and all the Halloween goodies streaming in by the dozen, I've got about a billion tabs open and nearly as many things I want to share all at once.

I was up all night Monday watching the breaking news on Hurricane Sandy, and my heart is with all of the East Coasters currently without power or worse, and particularly with all the emergency workers. I just about lost it at the photo of a nurse evacuating a NICU baby, and the dramatic video of firefighters rushing into the building whose facade had just collapsed. So many heroes out there.

(On a personal note, the Cake Wrecks servers are in New York, and were supposed to go down Tuesday morning when the basement fuel tanks for their back-up generators flooded. Instead, the personnel there took turns hand-carrying fuel tanks up 17 flights of stairs all. Day. Long. The site never went down, and it's still up now. Talk about amazing dedication...)

And for one more inspiring story, have you seen the latest post on Katie, our own little Star Wars girl? Katie asked to be a Storm Trooper for Halloween this year, so the 501st community once again pulled together a Force-full minor miracle for her:

Grab a Kleenex and go read all about it. So, so amazing.

A few people have asked how I feel about the Star Wars news, but I don't think it will surprise any of you to know I'm cautiously optimistic about it all. Living in Orlando, I'm already used to seeing Star Wars at Walt Disney World, so this feels like a natural progression.

Sorry, Donald, but Katie wore it better.

And as for the new SW movie slated for 2015 - well, proponents point to Avenger's success as an example of what could happen. Opponents point to John Carter and the continued bludgeoning-into-the-ground of the Pirates franchise. So...like I said, cautious optimism. Heh.

 I had a little fun with one of my pics from Star Wars Weekends. :)

Check back soon for my Halloween costume post, plus maybe some extra Halloween goodies. Like I said: SO MUCH STUFF TO SHARE!

The Great Non-Event

Hi.



So, I have about four new craft projects in the works, but nothing ready to share yet. So instead, here's a little update on the life of two hermit blogger persons:

- Remember that orange safety knife that matched our car and John bought at a dead mall after the nice British sales lady sliced her finger open with it and sprayed blood all over the place and I freaked out like a squeamish McSqueamerson?

[reminiscing] Ah, memories.

Anyway, someone stole it! Right out of our car! They left the old iPod and CDs and somewhat pricey mobile Internet card, but took our $12 window smasher/knife thingy. They rifled through all our stuff and even used the knife to cut open a package I hadn't mailed yet in the backseat - but left everything in the package. Odd, right? So now I figure this is all a plot by a clever killer who's planning on making our little pocket knife his new murder spree weapon of choice because it has John's fingerprints all over it. The fact that I've been watching the new Sherlock over and over again has nothing to do with that theory, either.

- Speaking of awesome TV shows: DOWNTON ABBEY OMG!! I can't remember the last time I was this excited over new episodes. You're all watching it, right? RIGHT?! Please, I need someone to understand my pain and madness and wishing Thomas would just fall in love with a nice boy and maybe arm-length evening gloves would come back in fashion and do Mary's eyebrows fascinate any one else out there or is that just me?

Ahem.

- As I type this, John is cleaning the house and singing pretty songs at the top of his lungs. I joked on Twitter that I was waiting for the helpful woodland creatures to show up. Because I can totally make Disney princess jokes about my husband. TOTALLY.

- On a serious note, tomorrow is a terribly important non-event for us, because tomorrow is the day John and I decided many months back that we would shut down Cake Wrecks. For good.

Told you it was serious.

We'd told our closest friends and family and I wrote the final post and we faced the incredulous lecture of our financial adviser and friend who could not believe we wouldn't even consider selling the site. (And just to go on record: we never will. I won't see CW turned into a soulless Cheezburger network clone - ever.)

It wasn't because we've lost readership- we've held steady with our numbers for forever, and I still have nearly 10 times the audience there that I have here - and it wasn't because I don't enjoy writing it anymore. It wasn't even that I felt unappreciated - if only you could see the touching, makes-me-cry-at-least-once-a-week fan mail. I was just tired. Physically, mentally, spiritually - I felt drained and uninspired, and the daily deadline to BE FUNNY NOW was chipping away at my motivation to even get out of bed every afternoon. (Blogger's hours, doncha know.)

I have mild bouts of that kind of depression pretty regularly, but after the last book and 5-week tour it reached a critical level. Stopping CW seemed the only way out.

Then the tour ended, and we got home and purposely planned a low-key holiday season with minimal travel and family interaction. I got back to my crafting, and spent a lot of time alone with my cats and my hubby and learning to breathe again.

And I felt better.

So, for those of you who might be concerned, Cake Wrecks is NOT ending tomorrow. There won't be another CW book, though. I've learned where my breaking point is, and writing and promoting a new book while maintaining two blogs and my sanity is IT.

That said, I still haven't really caught up. I usually write posts about a week out - once even two weeks out - but for the past month I've been writing each day's post at 8pm the night before. John says I write better this way, since I can't over think it. I say it's still pretty dang nerve-wracking. I'm hoping to muster the motivation to get back in the black sometime soon.

And 'til then: I have a few crafts to finish. ;)