Stealing From Wizards: The Book You've Never Heard Of But Should Totally Read

A million years ago - or maybe it was only 8 or 9 - I read a thought-provoking article about "Hutt-slayer Leia" cosplays, culminating in the author of the article, Ryan, crafting and modelling his own version to wear - unironically - to a con. The original blog post has long since disappeared, but I remember Ryan talking about his own body insecurities and advocating more kindness toward the cosplayers (mainly women) who were getting so lambasted in popular media at the time.

I remember this because I then spotted Ryan - in his Hutt-slayer cosplay, no less - at Dragon Con, and had a minor fangirl moment. Since Ryan is a Dragon Con regular, after that I started recognizing him through the years in his various Star Wars cosplays.

Here he is as Doctor Jedi, or, Jedi Who?

"Live long, and may the Force be wibbly wobbly."

And more recently as a 'Puffy Space Wizard:

He's got at least a dozen more, all beautifully handcrafted, but I'm not here to talk about Ryan's cosplay. Nope, turns out Ryan Consell is also an author, and a few weeks ago I got my first ever message from him on Instagram, asking if he could send me this:

Stealing From Wizards Vol 1: Pickpocketing

Watch The Robot Apocalypse With Bougie PB&Js

Top of the Tuesday to you, bots and tots. What's shakin'? Or jiggling? Multiple answers accepted.

Today I thought I'd share some cool stuff I'm watching and/or reading and/or eating, along with random photos from various Life Activities. Cool? Cool.

First, the movie John and I watched last night that I highly recommend:

The Mitchells vs The Machines

A family on a road trip gets waylaid by the robot apocalypse, and HIJINKS ENSUE. Super funny, extremely current with social media references and parodies galore, fabulously fun action, and heavy on the feel-good schmaltz - but not in a Pixar tear-jerker way, so we're good. I laughed out loud so many times with this one, definitely give it a watch on Netflix the next time you need some light-hearted laughs.

The Mitchells is made by the same folks behind Into The Spiderverse,  btw, so it has a little of that zany animation style. Less comic book and more story book, though. Also if they don't make a plush of the wall-eyed dog then I will RIOT. :p


Here's another way to add a little excitement to your evening:

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this adjective choice hilarious, because the people in line with me did NOT. Pthhp.

Also, really? A neck mask? Listen, I don't know who needs to hear this right now, but your neck looks awesome. Seriously. Save your exhilarating neck mask dollars for something better, like, uh...

Oh! These!

These were the snacks at our last Craft Night: three dollar wine from Aldi that everyone agreed tastes like a kids' juice box - but is somehow 8% alcohol so LOOK OUT - and Bamba Peanut Snacks from Trader Joe's, which taste like peanuts that have been transmogrified into Cheetos. Super weird, but good. And not too salty. Which could probably describe a lot of us here.

Kari, who brought the Cheeto Peanuts (Cheenuts? Peatos?) claims if you put both those and the wine in your mouth at the same time it tastes like a bougie PB&J, so there's your homework this week. Taste test and report back.

I'll have a proper update later, but John and I are still working our tails off most nights over at the rental renovation. Last night John was crawling around in the attic and suddenly slammed a screwdriver through the ceiling of the room I was in, so when people tell you the excitement fizzles after 22 years of marriage, don't you believe them.

Oh yeah, we keep it kooky.

Yesterday I set my phone down on the book I was reading, and it looked so pretty I had to take a picture. Which I needed my phone for, ha. But don't' worry, I made it work:

"More Than A Body": The Book I'd Like Every Body To Read

Back in 2019 I published "No Pictures, Please: The Thing About My Face," and started a long overdue conversation here about self-hate. It was... eye-opening. No, it was more than that. It was a revelation. It turns out I wasn't alone, or even in the minority; it turns out most of us don't like the way we look, and our struggles range from nagging to life-destroying.

Since then I've been plugging away at my "Self-Hate Battle Plan", a 7-pronged approach I came up with to combat self-hate. My progress has ebbed and flowed, but slowly and surely, I'm both recognizing and knocking the teeth out of the lies I used to live by.

One of the best parts of my plan was following Beauty Redefined on Instagram, a non-profit run by two PhD-holders advocating "body image resilience." Unlike Body Positivity, which wants everyone to know their bodies are beautiful, Body Image Resilience wants everyone to know they are more than their bodies. It's a seemingly subtle shift that makes an enormous difference, and I've found this approach so much more meaningful than #BoPo alone.

Beauty Redefined is run by twin sisters Lindsay & Lexie Kite, and they recently published a book. This book:

More Than A Body: Your Body Is An Instrument, Not An Ornament

I've just finished reading it, and I have 5 pages of notes and THINGS TO SAY. :D

First, this book is not a page-turner. It won't make you laugh. It's not even very comforting at first. In fact if this is your first introduction to a Body Image Resilience approach then I'm willing to bet this book will make you mad, or at least want to argue. I know I did, back when I first started following Lindsay & Lexie on IG. They have controversial stances on everything from the "wellness" industry to dress codes to sharing before-and-after weight loss pics.

So why should you read a book that's probably going to tick you off?

Because this book offers hope. Not the short-term, quick-fix kind of hope promised by the latest miracle fad, but a lasting hope that shows us how to get off the merry-go-round of shame and self-hate.

Body Image Resilience breaks with just about everything we've ever learned about beauty and self-image, so I'm not about to cram it all into one blog post. That would be too much too fast. I've had two years to sit with my discomfort, to research, to wrestle and ruminate over what I believe and what I want to believe - and I'd like you to have the same option of a slower pace. So instead of cramming everything in, let me just share 2 of my favorite snippets:

After Reading 2 Books On Perfectionism, Here Are My Top Fourteen Take-Aways

So hi, you. 

::floomphs down on couch::

How are things? How ya holding up?

John and I are still working offline jobs as often as we can, then balancing work here online and making time for a few fun projects, too. This could be just me, but lately it all feels... a little harder? Anyone else feeling that? Florida just lifted all their Covid restrictions, which had the curious effect of making some of our friends give up social distancing, and others return to total lockdown. John and I work for older and at-risk friends a lot, so we're more on the cautious side. Turning down invites is always awkward, though; no matter where you fall on the social-distancing scale, you still end up feeling judged, right? And that's hard on people-pleasers like me.

Anyway, there's your reminder to give friends & family a lot of grace right now, whether you agree with them or not. We're all just trying to live and love each other the best we can out here.

On a more positive note, the last few weeks I've read a couple of books on perfectionism: why it's bad, how it holds us back, and how to work around it. I also started CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for the first time, since up 'til now my therapist has been using something called Attachment Theory. (Which has helped enormously, btw.) All of this has me learning some nifty new tools, and I'm kind of amazed how well the stuff I've learned about perfectionism goes with what I'm learning in CBT.

In fact, I've been so impressed that I thought I'd share my top take-aways from those two books: things I wrote down and have been trying to practice/absorb since.

First up, How To Be An Imperfectionist, by Stephen Guise

If you have Amazon Prime you can read this for free on your Kindle. Score!

Now I have to admit, I wasn't going to review this book at first, because the author got on my nerves. He's the usual self-help guru type, always bragging on himself and pitching his last book, and then he only uses illustrations about sports, how much he goes to the gym, or how many women he's asked out. Gah. By the last few chapters I was reading with gritted teeth, and at one point John walked in and burst out laughing at my expression.

BUT.

As much as I disliked reading it, this book really does have some great tips on beating perfectionism: things that made a positive difference for me as soon as the next day.

Harrumph.

So... FINE. 

Here's what I wrote down as I read:

- Emphasize the effort, not the results.
 
For this I've been reminding myself how much more you readers respond when I share my "failures" versus my successes - how the imperfect stuff brings us closer and sparks better conversations.

- When doing something difficult, don't look ahead. Focus on your very next step, and no further. Looking ahead will only overwhelm you and make you want to give up.

I feel this one a LOT. I loooove looking ahead and deciding The Thing is not worth The Effort. So I'm trying to tunnel-vision myself and only look at my feet, so to speak. One step at a time.

- We perfectionists must ignore our current circumstances - meaning how we feel - AND the possible result. Focus instead on the procedure.

Feelings lie. I already knew depression lies, but I'm learning ALL emotions can and do lie, so I can't trust myself when I "don't feel inspired" or "don't feel like" doing something. Most of the time motivation follows action, not the other way around.

- Replace "should" with "could."

Take away the self-condemnation. So when thinking about the past, replace "I should have gone to that party," with "I could have gone to that party." Or replace "I should get back to work now," with "I could get back to work now."

This one has made a noticeable shift in my thinking, y'all. It changes the whip into a hall pass, and makes me feel like I have a choice instead of an obligation. HIGHLY recommend.

- Confidence requires practice, because confidence is comfort. Practice taking up space and striking confident poses, then practice minor "embarrassing" things like wearing something silly or talking to strangers. Get comfortable being awkward, and you will feel more confident.

He cited a study that said people who struck a confident pose for just 2 minutes (hands on hips, head tall) increased their testosterone by 20%. So silly as this sounds, I've been practicing holding my arms out wide when I walk on the treadmill. I don't know what my testosterone thinks about this, but it feels... nice... to take up more space.

Introverts, PLEASE READ THIS. (Extroverts, You Too!)

I've been meaning to talk about this book for years now, but in my defense, I'm easily distracted. ("Squirrel!") I was reminded the other week when I stumbled across a discussion among you readers about the challenges of being an introvert among extroverts. This is a pretty common theme in the geek community, and especially here online, since we introverts often communicate better on screen than IRL.

So I have a little challenge for all of you - extroverts, too! Read the book that I would say changed my life, if I wanted to be dramatic. But I don't. So instead, let's just say it changed how I see life, and other people, and myself. It made me understand introversion in a way all those online Buzzfeed articles never could, and what's more, offers nuts-and-bolts, practical advice on how to thrive as an introvert. How to use this trait that's hard-wired into our DNA, instead of trying to change it.

  Quiet: The Power of Introverts In a World That Can't Stop Talking

Most books I read quickly, put down, and immediately forget - but this one has stuck with me. I've read it twice now, and even though my last read was probably two years ago, I still find myself referring to it in conversation all the time - just last week, even, when a friend was commenting on the horrors of being made to "stand up and introduce yourself" in big groups.
 
Quiet lays the groundwork by showing how nearly everything in American society - our workplaces, our social settings, even our places of worship - are geared towards extroverts. It explains how we got here; how we as a society started glorifying people skills over character back in the 1920s, and why. (Actually a fascinating history lesson.) It contrasts these beliefs and practices with other countries that are predominately introverted, and then recommends changes we can make on both corporate and personal levels so everyone - extroverts AND introverts - can thrive.

I first read Quiet on the recommendation of Felicia Day, who I love, when she made the extraordinary claim that she believed every famous internet personality was an introvert. This completely boggled my mind, even though it lined up with my (admittedly limited) experience meeting other online celebs. After reading Quiet, though, I think she's right. There's a reason we introverts flock to the internet to work and socialize. We're wired a little differently, communicate differently, and the internet is the best thing to happen to us since the invention of mini-blinds.

(I may have just lost 5 minutes looking at funny pictures of cats and mini-blinds. There are some doozies. I recommend a google. :D)

There's a famous funny person online I'm casually acquainted with, and the last time we met up in person John later commented, "THIS is the person who does THAT?" Because socializing is a different skill set, and the two just don't always translate. After reading Quiet I understand that more than ever, and rather than seeing this as a bad thing - rather than feeling guilty about my own social inadequacies and anxieties - I can instead appreciate the opportunities I have today to shine. (The first few chapters of Quiet are a depressing history lesson in just how horribly introverts were treated in our grandparents' time, particularly children. There's still a ways to go, but happily things ARE changing for the better.)

To sum up, everyone should read Quiet, introverts and extroverts alike. Susan Cain's writing is easy to read and hard to put down, with lots of real-life examples to keep things interesting. After reading a library copy I immediately bought one for myself, because this is one I want to reread every few years. I've recommended Quiet to family and friends many times over, and I'm betting you guys will find it as vital and affirming and perspective-shifting as I have. So go, read! And if you already have read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. What stood out for you? Any favorite nuggets?

Book Review: An Adventure With Captain Hook's *Daughter*? YES PLEASE

Egads, you guys, it's been waaaaay too long since I recommended a good read. Partly because I'm not reading enough books (bad Jen, baaaad), partly because I've decided to reserve my reviews only for books I'm ultimately going to recommend you read. So now that I've just posted that spoiler (OOPS), let's talk:

Hook's Revenge, by our very own Heidi Schulz.

I say "our very own" because Heidi is a reader, and actually sent me an advance copy of Hooks' Revenge a very, VERY long time ago. She's also pretty active over on Fans of Epbot, which is where I discovered this fabulousness from her premier party:

HI HEIDI!

Ok, so obviously any author who dresses up to match her book theme is already someone we want to be friends with - but can she write?

YUP.

Hook's Revenge is a quick, easy YA read focusing not on Captain Hook of Neverland, but on his daughter. Young Jocelyn Hook never knew her father, but at age 12 she is charged with avenging his untimely demise by hunting down and destroying a certain infamous crocodile.

I love stories that revisit and twist classic fairy tales, and Hook's Revenge does that in spades. We get dashes of the familiar - Smee! Peter Pan! Neverland! - thrown in with an all new adventure and new characters. Jocelyn is the typical rebel we love in all the great stories: the girl who - to borrow from that song John won't stop listening to - refuses to "sit still and look pretty." She is daring and brave and loyal, and her adventure is one of those delightful romps parents will enjoy reading to their little ones.

I especially adore the way Schulz wrote Peter Pan, who is such a minor character he barely graces a dozen pages. It's Peter Pan exactly as we know him, but written from the perspective of a modern, independent young girl who has no time for "silly boys." Jocelyn's conversation with Peter as he attempts to "rescue" her from her own pirate ship is gold. I was half-tempted to include some here, but no; there is too much. You'll just have to go see for yourself.

Hook's Revenge is listed with an age range of 8-12, so it's a safe family read. There's one line about Jocelyn seeing some corpses early on that was a teeny bit icky, and the crocodile *might* scare especially small listeners, but that's about it.

Oh, and one advantage of my taking two years to read Schulz' debut novel: she's already released the sequel!

In Hook's Revenge: The Pirate Code Jocelyn sets off to find her father's famous treasure. Niiiice. If you've already read it, be sure to let me know what you thought in the comments!

And if you're looking for more recommended reads, hop over to my Book Review Page. My top favorites are starred, so you can scroll down quickly and see if we have similar taste. Plus there are a LOT more recommendations in the comments there, which I'm still working my way through!

****

Now, let's announce some art winners!

The winner of the "Dogtor Who" print is: Science and Static (Trapeze)

The winner of "The Targaryen Girl" is: Crystal Pauley

And my wild card winner is: MaiiLuna

Congrats, you three, and please e-mail me your mailing addresses!

One Of My Cosplay Pics Is A Book Cover!

Here's something fun I forgot to mention: one of my cosplay photos is now the cover of a Gail Carriger story!

[supersonic squeeing]

If you're not familiar, Gail Carriger is the NYT bestselling author of the Parasol Protectorate, among many others, and is HUGE in the steampunk community. So I was pretty chuffed when she asked to use my photo of Madeline Masquerade's steampunk Tinkerbell. (Costume by the amazing Firefly Path.)

Here's my original photo:

As for the story itself, Fairy Debt is "a short comedic fairy tale, coming in at just under 5000 words (or about 10 pages). In it Gail gets up to her usual silly tricks, tea saturated prose, and food driven biting wit."

I haven't read it yet myself, but it's for all ages and sounds utterly delightful. You can grab the Kindle edition for 99 cents over at Amazon.

*****

Now let's announce this month's art winners!

The winner of the TARDIS prints is: Hannah 

(the one who mentioned it's both her fav animal & spaceship)

The winner of the mermaid is: Crafty Bahee

And my wildcard winner is: Victoria Wollf

Congrats, you three, and please e-mail me your mailing addresses! 

Beautiful Madness: The Subscription Box For Book Lovers

Subscription boxes (ala Loot Crate) are quite The Thing in geeky circles lately, and I've had a couple of the more popular ones contact me about pitching them here on Epbot. Nothing's really grabbed me as something you guys would love, though, until a preview box for Beautiful Madness Book Case showed up in my P.O. Box last month.

Let me start by saying I'm not getting anything (beyond the actual preview box) for this review, nor am I getting any kind of commission for future sales. I just honestly think this is super cool.

So what do you get?

First, a hand-picked book by Julia, the creator of Beautiful Madness. She's a former bookstore manager who adores the written word, and who guarantees a good read every month.

Along with the book you get some snacks, a make-able drink like tea or hot cocoa, and - the coolest part to me - "2 or 3 items that complement the theme of the box."

So here's what came in my "Prologue" preview box:

- Serafina and the Black Cloak, a fantasy adventure about a girl who lives on the Biltmore Estate
- 3 different flavors of hot chocolate
- A pack of sea salt caramels

 

- This gorgeous copper necklace titled "Serafina"

Handmade by Mary Jae Designs just for this box - see how it matches the book's cover art?

- This 8X10 art print by Aimee Stewart:

"Treasure Hunt"

Plus a pretty Serafina pin, sticker, bookmark, and a brochure and postcard from Biltmore Estate.

 Here's the content list included with the box, showing the cost breakdown:

I absolutely love the idea of theming a subscription box to a book, and matching it with snacks, art, and wearables? GENIUS. I'll be very curious to see Julia's picks for the boxes going forward.

Speaking of which, the first official Beautiful Madness boxes ship on the 25th of this month, and the theme is "That Boy Is Poe, Son." (As in, Edgar Allen?) (OOOooooOOOoh.) One month will cost you $46.50, which I'll admit gave me a bit of sticker shock, but that includes shipping & handling - and just the postage on my box was nearly $10. Plus there are discounts if you sign up for a 3 month subscription or more, which helps bring the monthly cost down.

Head over to Beautiful Madness Book Case to learn more, and if you decide to subscribe, be sure to use the coupon code Julia e-mailed me: "SIMPLYMAD" will get $4 off for her first 200 subscribers.

And finally, I'm curious: how many of you get monthly subscription boxes? Which ones, and how do you like them? I've never taken the leap, myself, but I'd love to know what the good ones are!

*****

Aaaand now it's time to announce last month's art winners!

The winner of the Peppermint & Pop set of ACEOs is Amanda Helms

The winner of the Amalthea set is HilyBee

And my wild card winner is Lim!

Congrats, you three, and please e-mail me your mailing addresses!

Oh, and Renee of The Crown of Beauty, you won that Prince necklace last week, so please e-mail me, too!  (Facebook is really eating my posts lately, so if you guys are missing my updates, be sure to turn on the "see first" over there, or you can skip FB altogether and subscribe to Epbot via e-mail.)

Book Review: Furiously Happy by The Bloggess

Let me start by saying I should have written this review months ago, so if you could all just close your eyes and pretend it's still early June, that'd be greeeeeat.

(Er, except for the closing your eyes part.)

(Wow, I did not think this plan through.)

MOVING ON.

Nearly three months ago I received a most amazing gift from Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess:

What. I'm not crying. YOU'RE CRYING.

I don't know Jenny personally, but sometimes we trade tweets, and our overlapping readership gives me that cozy "friend-of-a-friend" vibe. I adore what she's done to help destigmatize (which IS SO a word, spell check) mental health struggles online, and every day I aspire to Jenny's level of honest, shocking hilarity.

Jenny's first book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, is akin to comedy crack. It's potent, exhilarating, best ingested in small doses, and may result in a bad taxidermy collection. I read it in two sittings back when it first came out, which gave me the literary equivalent of a wine slushie brain freeze: too much, too fast. So if you haven't read Let's Pretend yet, DO - but give yourself breaks.

By contrast, Furiously Happy allows a more breath-able pace. Jenny has shifted the focus more inward here, sharing her personal struggles and revealing some serious health issues that she's only hinted at in the past. And in classic Bloggess style, she'll have you howling with laughter over the most horrible, cringe-worthy things. Like passing out - with much moaning and flailing - during her Pap Smears, or how her body straight up tries to kill her every time she falls asleep. (At least, that was my take-away.) Then there are the scary ambulance rides in the middle of the night, hospital stays and surgeries, and even some accounts of self-harm that come with a necessary trigger warning.

Without exception, though, Jenny's sense of humor prevails. She never delves into self-pity; she never asks for your sympathy. If anything, you'll be envying her strength and bravery and outrageous antics. (Not everyone has the guts to stick a realistic third nipple on her stomach while being prepped for surgery.)

This book is Jenny's victory march. It's her defiance, her resolve, and her pride. And it is beautiful.

There are also plenty of conversations with Victor, Jenny's long-suffering husband, plus tales of more bad taxidermy, home remodeling, thoughts on the TSA, a memorable travel log of her trip to the Australian outback, and so much more. The chapters are short, zippy, and perfect for quick (in)sanity breaks. If you already know and like Jenny's blog, buying this book is a no-brainer. If you don't know The Bloggess, then go read this post right now, and THEN buy her book.

Did I mention the cover has sparkly gold confetti all over it? With a happy dead raccoon? 'CUZ IT DOES.

Furiously Happy releases on the 22nd of this month, and the hardcover will list for $26.99. Pre-order it now at your local bookstore, or you can find it here on Amazon for about $16.

My Hashimoto's Crash Course: Another Piece To The Panic Puzzle?

Note: this may get SUPER boring if you don't have anxiety and/or you're not interested in thyroid conditions.

Also: I'm not a medical professional or even close to an expert, so always consult your doctor and do your own research before starting or changing any medications, treatments, or supplements.

***

Late last year I decided I wanted to really tackle my growing agoraphobia, so before I got too serious with exposure therapy, I asked my doctor to run a bunch of tests. (It's always smart to get checked out before you start any new treatment - even non-drug ones.)

The tests revealed I had a "shocking" vitamin D deficiency - which I expected - and also Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which I did not.

At the time I told you guys the good news, I was pretty dismissive of the Hashi's, calling it, "essentially sluggish thyroid, which is easily treatable" and claiming it had nothing to do with my anxiety. Several of you immediately cautioned me in the comments, explaining that it's far more than that, and has potential anxiety implications. So before I started any meds, I went looking for the best book I could find on the subject, and eventually decided on this one:

Hashimoto's Root Cause, by Izabella Wentz

I bought and read it in a matter of days, taking copious notes, and then took to the web to research more of what I'd just learned.

In a nutshell, Hashi's is an autoimmune disease in which your body begins attacking your own thyroid. As the thyroid is destroyed, it obviously can't produce all the thyroidy goodness your body needs, and a host of symptoms like fatigue, cold intolerance, weight gain, etc, can pop up. Apparently Hashi's can be hard to catch, so I'm lucky, in a way, that my test results were clearly positive. (The most conclusive test looks for Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies, which is what your body produces to attack your thyroid. If you have any those, you probably have Hashi's. Easy-peasy.)

Most doctors consider Hashi's an easy fix: you just supplement the body with synthetic thyroid - Synthroid being the most common - and plan to increase that dose as the thyroid is slowly destroyed by the body's own immune system. Since no one really knows WHY your body suddenly has it in for the thyroid, all you can do is essentially treat the symptom, and of course you'll need to be on the synthetic thyroid for life.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course - these drugs save lives -  but Wentz's book delves much deeper, searching for that "root cause" and positing that, if you find it, you can actually reverse thyroid damage and potentially avoid a lifetime of ever-increasing Synthroid doses.

I should stress that the author is NOT anti-drug, and heartily recommends Synthroid or other medications as a first step in any Hashi's treatment regiment. Wentz is a pharmacist, and frequently explains things from the molecular level, which can be both daunting and extremely technical, but I kind of love that.

I can tell you that Wentz's recommendations are flatly overwhelming, though, ranging from a dizzying array of both prescription and supplement options, to further test recommendations, to diet plans that made me die a little inside. (Or, ok, die a lot.) It's complete information overload, but coupled with her in-depth explanation of what exactly your body is experiencing with Hashi's - and the host of seemingly unrelated symptoms that go with it - it was also pretty encouraging. Suddenly my life-long history of GI issues is making sense! And hey, get this: anxiety and panic disorders can definitely be directly related to Hashimoto's.


Mind = blown.


(Here's a post on Wentz's blog about it.)


Armed with better information, I returned to my doctor and discussed treatment options. Given that my thyroid numbers weren't all that bad yet, he allowed me to hold off on Synthroid for 6 more weeks, and instead focus on fixing my severe vitamin D deficiency, which I'd learned can have a major effect on thyroid function. Based on my research I also began taking Selenium, and we decided to check my iodine levels for possible supplementation of that, too.

Quick note on iodine: Long considered the go-to thyroid supplement, I was surprised to learn there's quite a controversy among doctors regarding iodine, as some [like Wentz] believe excess iodine actually *causes* a lot of the Hashimoto's here in the U.S. (Whaaaa?) In other countries it's usually an iodine deficiency that causes Hashi's, so you can see how that'd get confusing.

All I can say is, do your homework, and talk to a knowledgeable doctor. If you do decide to supplement, definitely get your iodine levels checked first. It's a simple urine test, so no excuses! (Mine turned out to be on the low end of normal, so I supplemented briefly, but then stopped after 2 weeks.)

Ok, so! Ready for the good news?

After a little over 6 weeks on vitamin D and selenium, my D levels were back in the normal range, I felt more awake & energetic, and my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) improved by half: coming down from 6.05 to 3. (Normal range is roughly from .3 to 5, so that puts me back in range.) My doctor was especially pleased to see my T3 come down almost a full point, since he tells me that's the more adrenaline-like of the Ts, and so more likely to cause panic issues.

I still have those pesky Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies, which means my body is still attacking my thyroid (and I still have Hashi's), but even those reduced from 194 down to 148.

Encouraged, my doc and I agreed NOW we could start Synthroid. The lower T3 meant I was less likely to have a panic reaction, and the drug will help with my Hashi's symptoms and potentially even allow me to lose some extra pounds, which Doc is keen to see. [Insert grumbling here about responsible doctors and their persistent demands for better health. I mean, REALLY.]

It's been just over a month now, and I'm happy to report that the Synthroid hasn't caused any noticeable uptick in anxiety - though there's also no miraculous wellspring of energy or weight loss, either. Heh. I'm on the smallest dose possible, though, so we'll reassess my levels in another few months and see if I need more.

I'm posting all this because some of you asked, but also because I hope my story encourages you guys to ask more questions, do more research, and maybe even order some tests through your doctors. Hashi's is most common in women over 30, so if you have the symptoms, get the test. (And make sure it's the antibodies test, not just your TSH level!) This could be one more piece of the panic puzzle for some of you, and that alone makes it worth a dozen blog posts, in my book.


Closing thoughts (ie the slightly less boring stuff):

John told me last week that one of the things he's most admired in me the past 7 years has been my tenacious search for answers. I refused to accept that I started having severe panic attacks - literally over night - for no reason. I refused to accept the "No Diagnosis" on my hospital charts. I've never stopped looking for a root cause, never stopped seeing new doctors or trying new things.

Some of my efforts were a disaster, like my 2-year foray into bio-identical hormones, and some brought me blissful relief, like this new spine stretch that combats computer hunch, and lets me go up to 2 months between chiropractic visits. (I can literally halt minor free-floating panic with a simple shoulder stretch now - which took me years of needless suffering to learn.)

I've met so many people who've given up, saying they're just "the anxious type" and resigned to a lifetime of Xanax. Xanax is a godsend, don't get me wrong, but I'm convinced panic and anxiety should never be a life sentence. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'll still be struggling to ride the Hogwarts Express in ten years, and maybe I'll never get on a plane again, because I'm just too scared. Maybe I'll never see Tokyo Disneyland.

But I'm tenacious, dangit, and I refuse to accept that.

So here's to all my fellow rebels out there, spitting in the face of panic and daring it to do its worst.

And then doing responsible research and talking to our doctors and therapists.

'Cuz we got this.

A New Book Review? As You Wish!

Last week my sister-in-law surprised me with Cary Elwes' new Princess Bride memoir, As You Wish, and I zipped through it in 2 nights.

I've been looking forward to this read since I first heard about it months ago, so I was positively giddy cracking open the first page. I LOVE behind-the-scenes stories already, but throw in stories from one of my favorite movies of all time? SOLD!

Ok, so, let's start with the obvious: if you're as big a fan of The Princess Bride as I am, you're going to buy this book. And really, if you're that uber fan, you absolutely should.

For everyone else, though? Who may only have a passing interest in a movie they certainly like, but don't, say, quote daily & maybe even have "As You Wish" inscribed in a spouse's wedding ring? (WHAT.)

Well... for those folks, maybe not.

Don't get me wrong; there are some delightful tidbits in Elwes' book, stories that make the movie that much more magical in my eyes - but those tidbits are few and far between. Much of the book's 270 pages feels like filler, as Elwes gushes about how wonderful his co-stars are, how brilliant the director Rob Reiner is, and how blessed overall he feels to have been a part of this movie.

I'm relieved this isn't some grimy tell-all, of course, but after two hundred pages of everyone being wonderful and amazing, but very few personal stories to go along with all the gushing, you start to wonder if you're getting the whole truth. Or maybe we are getting the truth, but Elwes just didn't have enough material to properly fill out the book. Realistically, I think the "good stuff" could have been condensed down to 50 pages, and not felt rushed.

For example, Elwes spends 4 or 5 pages detailing the entire plot of The Princess Bride. Not just reminding us what happens in case it's been a while; actually explaining it as if we've never seen the movie... but still chose to read a book about it. (Ohhh... kaaaaay....)

I'm sad to say that, even as short as the book is, I ended up skimming several sections. Elwes drags out even the most interesting stories - trying to milk them for all their worth, I guess - and even then, I didn't feel like I was really getting an insider's scoop. It all felt a little too sanitized, too diplomatic, like he didn't want to reveal anything too interesting for fear of offending his co-stars. (There's a vague reference to Mandy Patinkin's competitive streak during fencing training, but no examples or details.)

In fact, the most interesting stories revolve around Andre the Giant, and I can't help but wonder if Elwes felt more free sharing those because Andre is no longer with us. (Or maybe because those stories are already so well-known?)

On the plus side, sprinkled throughout the book are quotes from the rest of the cast and crew, often recounting their own memories of the same events. Those breaks help give Elwes' memoir a more well-rounded feel, and while there were no big revelations, it was still a nice addition.

That's my spoiler-free review, but now, as a reward, I'm going to tell you a few of my favorite things I learned. Some (all?) of these were already on the internet, so it's possible they won't be spoilers at all! Still, if you'd rather wait and get your movie trivia from the book, then STOP HERE.



Ok, my #1 go-to trivia for the next time I need a good ice-breaker - because I go to at least one or two parties a year and hey, IT COULD HAPPEN - In this scene:

The one where Count Rugen hits Westley over the head with his sword? The scene used in the movie shows Christopher Guest (as Count Rugen) actually knocking Elwes unconscious.

Elwes woke up later in the ER, as they were stitching up his head. In Guest's defense, they didn't have a prop sword, so the heavy metal handle came down harder than he intended, plus Elwes *told* him to just go ahead and hit him.

And in this scene:

 

Watch how Westley gets up; see how he favors one leg? That's because Elwes had just broken his big toe riding Andre the Giant's 4-wheel ATV - I think the same day, even - and was in a huge amount of pain. 

Those are the only two injuries Elwes sustained the whole movie, and I guess it says something about me that I find those the most interesting. :D

  

On the funny side, for the scenes with Billy Crystal as Miracle Max, Elwes spoiled so many takes by laughing that they had to replace him for most of it with a prop dummy on the table:

Again, to be fair, *everyone* was spoiling takes by laughing, including the director. The only injury Mandy Patinkin received during the whole shoot was during this scene; he bruised a rib, trying to hold in his laughter. Ha!

And finally, the sweetest revelation for me:

Wallace Shawn (Vizzini) was terrified of heights, and though all the long shots in this scene were done with stuntmen, the close-ups were done on a 30-foot tall fake cliff set. He was apparently so distraught that they physically tied him to Andre, who told Shawn, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." (FEELZ!!) After that, Shawn was able to do the scene.

There were a few other really fascinating bits about Shawn, but I'll leave those for the book.

So, what'd you think, guys? Any favorite parts I missed? Or did you already know all these from various BuzzFeed articles? :D ([shaking fist at sky] Curse you, Buzzfeeeeed!)

Book Review: The Host

I know I'm late to the bandwagon on this one, but I get the feeling some readers haven't given The Host a chance because of Twilight, so I thought I might chime in. Even I was expecting some kind of Twilight-In-Space saga, but I have to say: I was pleasantly surprised.

Personally I found the Twilight series (or at least what I read of it; I stopped at book 2 or 3) entertaining, but Bella's character was too deeply flawed for me to continue through to the end. I also thought it set a dangerous example of "romance" for younger audiences. However, for adults who know better? Have at it. Meyer definitely knows how to spin a suspenseful tale.

So now that you know my feelings on Twilight, let's talk about The Host.

Fortunately the dual heroine in The Host is stronger than Bella, and the romance is a little more secondary to the story. In a nutshell, an alien parasite has merged with a human, and this is the story of their relationship: how they first war with each other for control, and then ultimately try to work together to reunite with the human's lost love and family. And most interestingly, everything is told from the alien's perspective.

Considering how much internal dialogue a story like that HAS to have, The Host really zips along with plenty of suspense and action (sometimes in flashbacks). It's a beautiful, character-driven story that managed to have me a bit weepy by the end.

As for negatives, it occasionally bothered me that the heroine gets beat up so much - and always by men. The alien is an extreme pacifist, and so refuses to defend herself. At least the story has this explanation built in, though, and over time you come to see her refusal to fight as a strength of its own. And if I personally couldn't identify with such selflessness, well, that's kind of the point: the contrast between human brutality and the aliens' dedication to nonviolence.

And here's something I never thought I'd say: I actually hope Meyer writes a sequel some day. I'd love to see what happens.

So if you're looking for something really unique in your science fiction, and if Meyer's writing doesn't turn you off TOO much, then definitely give The Host a try.


Oh, and about that movie...

Right after writing this review I discovered the movie on Netflix, and... Wow. So bad. Stay away if you haven't seen it, and if you have, then the book might be a lost cause for you, what with the spoilers and bad acting and all. If you're still interested, though, then I'd give the book a try.

And hey, at least the movie's depiction of the alien souls was pretty:

 :)

If you're looking for more book recommendations, head over to my review page for the complete list! I've starred my top picks for easy browsing. 

And as always, please share your own YA recommendations in the comments; I keep a list of everything you guys suggest, and I'm slowly working my way through it!

Book Review: Cinder

Cinder has been at the top of my most-recommended list for ages, and once again, you guys didn't lead me wrong!

But let's be honest: you had me at "Cyborg Cinderella." ;)

To say that Cinder is a cyborg Cinderella story really doesn't do it justice, though - much like this cover:

Apparently Meyer's publisher hoped a Twilight cover clone would make us confuse her with Stephenie Meyer - a deception only made worse by the fact that not only does Cinder never wear red shoes in the book, she doesn't even have skin over her metal foot. Ug.

 Quick comparison shot.

That's about where my griping ends, though, and we can't hold the cover against Meyer; odds are she didn't have a say in it anyway.  Besides, cover notwithstanding, Cinder is darn close to absolute literary perfection.

You heard me: perfection.

Now, you might be tempted to think - as I did - that a cyborg Cinderella story simply MUST have an element of humor to it.

It doesn't.

In fact, Cinder is a wholly nuanced, sophisticated, and surprisingly believable story that adheres to the fairy tale only in its most basic aspects. It then builds on those aspects, layering in a deeper, richer story with so much more at stake than romance. At times Cinder is fighting for friendship, for family, and later for the freedom of her entire planet. This is not the Cinderella who runs weeping to her room; this is the Cinderella with the strength and independence to fight for both herself and those she loves.

[To clarify: there are lighter moments of humor in Cinder, like in any good book, but the overall story isn't meant to be funny. Sorry if I made it sound too dark!]

The setting for Cinder is its own character: a futuristic "New Beijing" that reminded me strongly of the cityscapes in Blade Runner or The Fifth Element, complete with hovercrafts and cramped marketplaces. The Asian cultural elements sprinkled throughout add another layer of depth and color, as the prince won't be king some day, he'll be emperor.

Cinder herself is a mechanic - the best in the city - but she's reviled for the android limbs and programming that make her a cyborg. She tries to hide her identity behind gloves and high boots, but a chance encounter with the prince soon makes her life a lot more complicated.

Again, Meyer does a masterful job of raising the stakes: a deadly plague is decimating the country, while a hostile planet continues to threaten war. She also tries to create a mystery around Cinder's origins, but sadly gives the whole thing away on page 44 (!!) with her heavy-handed hints. I wish she hadn't made the "mystery" so obvious, but that's a minor qualm, really, and not so central to the story that it makes much difference.

I should also mention this is one of those stories that grabs you from the first line and refuses to let go, so clear your schedule before you pick it up. I made the mistake of starting it around midnight, and was close to finishing all 450 pages in the same sitting, except John started questioning my sanity around 7AM. Ha! Tired as I was the next day, my first priority after work wasn't a nap, it was finishing this book. (Don't you love that feeling?)

Cinder feels like an older YA title, but content-wise it's fine for younger kids, too; no violence, language, or sexual content. There are some heavy topics and potentially disturbing imagery, but no where near as dark as, say, The Hunger Games trilogy.

Cinder's ending doesn't exactly end, but it does reach a point where I felt pretty satisfied to leave off.
You all know how I feel about cliff hanger endings (KILL THEM WITH FIRE), but no obvious threads were left dangling, and you're given a strong sense of what's going to happen next, so it feels like a natural stopping point.

That's a tricky line to toe, reaching a conclusion while still moving forward, and I'm really impressed with how well Meyer pulls it off. I've already ordered the sequel, Scarlet, but I'm not so much desperate to see what happens next as just looking forward to continuing a great story. If only all "cliffhangers" ended so well!

So in a nutshell: definitely pick this one up if you haven't already - but maybe get a good nap in, first. ;)


Looking for more? Then check out my complete list of book reviews and recommendations right here. And as always, please tell me what I should read next in the comments!

Book Review: The Raven Boys

I'm lucky enough to occasionally get books in the mail, both from authors sharing their work and readers sharing their favorites. This is one of the latter:

 The Raven Boys, by Maggie Stiefvater

Malin sent me a copy (along with some other goodies) months and months ago, but it sat on my bookcase for ages before I finally gave it a try. Why? That cover. It just looks so... Twilight-wannabe, you know? I could tell just by looking it was another paranormal romance, and I never seemed to be in the right mood for another paranormal romance. Even the back blurb goes on about this is the year Blue falls in love, yadda yadda eyeroll.

Except, here's the thing: The Raven Boys is not a romance. There are no declarations of love, no unrequited pining, no angst-laden glances or tortured miasmas of desire. (And I guess it goes without saying from that tagline that there's no kissing. Ha!) In fact, I don't mind telling you that Blue does NOT fall in love. Is that a spoiler? GOOD. Because I want you to read this book for what it is, not for what some publisher's marketing department decided was "really hot right now."

See, The Raven Boys is not a romance. It's so much better than that.

Instead, this is the compelling story of a girl raised in a family of female psychics, and of a group of college boys on a quest for the long-lost tomb of an ancient king. The author does a fantastic job weaving in shades of the supernatural without turning the story into fantasy; nearly everything feels like it *could* happen, right here and right now. The characters also feel real, nuanced and distinct and believable.

The friendship among the 4 boys is beautifully written without feeling sappy, and I like that the story follows the guys on their own as often as it does Blue. Their two worlds intersect more and more as the book goes on, but you still get private moments with everyone, which makes it feel more like an ensemble cast.

The pace really picks up about midway through, as the guys stumble across an unsolved murder and a bloodthirsty rival, while Blue faces dark occult mysteries from within her own family.

This brings me to my only other complaint, but it's a doozie: The Raven Boys abruptly ends about 2/3 of the way through a great story. It was so sudden, in fact, that I went looking for ripped out pages in my copy. Then I tried to figure out how on earth the author decided it was ok to just END right when the story was getting so good! Very little was resolved, all the major questions driving the plot went unanswered, and there wasn't even a hint that an ending was coming. It just suddenly ran out of pages. Plus the very last line was such a painful non-sequitur that I had to go looking on the internet for answers, where I found - of course! - that this is only the first in a series.

Would you excuse me for a quick moment?

[picking up pillow]

[screaming into pillow]

Thank you.

I would almost be Ok with the abrupt ending, but it turns out the next book focuses on a different main character - my least favorite, in fact -  and switches plot lines all together. From Booklist:

"This time, their quest for the legendary sleeping Welsh King takes a backseat to a spate of secrets, dreams, and nightmares..."

So we STILL won't get any answers, AND it focuses on my least favorite character... and his nightmares.

BAH HUMBUG.

To be fair, The Dream Thieves has overwhelmingly positive reviews, but I'm just petulant enough to avoid reading it anyway. I just want a story, authors. One. Complete. Story. Why must you be so terrified we won't buy your next book that you have to extort us out of proper endings? If we like your work, we'll buy more of it, I promise!

Ok, rant over. Sorry.

So in conclusion: The Raven Boys is an absolutely fantastic 2/3 of a story that is in no way a romance. If you're ok with that, then you should totally read it. ;)


And to help out the rest of us, how about recommending your favorite stand-alone YA fantasy/sci-fi book(s) in the comments? No cliff-hangers or unresolved endings allowed! And.... GO.


* Check out the rest of my reviews (and my top recommendations) at my book review page!

Book Review: The Last Dragonslayer

I keep zipping through books and then forgetting to review them, so here's one of my latest reads for your consideration:

The Last Dragonslayer, by Jasper Fforde 

I first read The Eyre Affair - Ffords's most famous book - about ten years ago, but at the time I'd never read most of the classical works Fforde riffs on - not even Jane Eyre! - so I spent most of the book in a vague state of confusion. I tried one of his Nursery Crimes books next, but again felt like there was something I just wasn't "getting."

Enter my friend Sharyn, who recommended Fforde's first YA effort, The Last Dragonslayer. And, a-ha! PAYDIRT.

Fforde has a superb Terry Pratchett zaniness going for him; mundane details in his world are side-splitting eccentricities in ours. Phantom moose, corporate-sponsored Dragon Slayers, magicians who unclog drains; it's all completely ridiculous, and that's what makes it fabulous.

The silliness does keep you at arm's length, though, making it impossible to really connect with any of the characters or care overly much what happens to them. This is exacerbated by little-to-no character descriptions, to the point that I found myself wondering what kind of clothes people were wearing (I think it's set in modern times, but the fantasy twist makes it hard to tell) and what the main characters looked like in even the most general terms.

The first half of Dragonslayer is pure fun and games, with a healthy dollop of quirk. I loved it.
By the second half, though, the laughs give way to teeth-gritting frustration and dismay, since, to put it bluntly, the world of heroine Jennifer Strange sucks. She battles against her own nation of greedy, corrupt, back-stabbing citizenry to save the last dragon in the world, and it's made clear that she really is the sole example of human decency left in the land - a pretty grim picture. With no allies on hand save a younger foundling she's been made responsible for, it really is Jennifer vs The World.

I found the ending a little puzzling. Without spoiling anything, the big finale SEEMS like a big deal, but then it's explained that very little actually changes afterward. Which felt... empty. Like I'd been cheated out of my big finish.

Upon looking up the book's cover for this post I uncovered the reason: there is, of course, a sequel. (Dragonslayer is book one in "The Chronicles of Kazam.") [eye roll] Still, at least Dragonslayer gives us an ending; we all know plenty of YA series that just string us along with cliff-hangers, am I right? (I'm looking at you, Enclave!)

So even with a less-than-wholly-satisfying ending and a frustrating second half, I'd call The Last Dragonslayer a good read. The first half is perfection, and the characters and whimsical madness of Jennifer Strange's world will most likely have me coming back for more.

*****

Next week I'll review the most deceptively marketed book I've ever read: The Raven Boys. And oh yes, I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER. [decisive nod]

If you're looking for more, check out my Book Review Page! I've starred my top favorite titles, so you can easily scan the list for my recommend reads. Also, don't see your favorite on there? Then suggest it in the comments!

Book Review: Enclave, Outpost, & Horde

I've just spent a blissful Thanksgiving break putting up Christmas decorations, playing Batman: Arkham Origins, and inhaling the last book in a fantastic action trilogy by Ann Aguirre called Horde.

I had to finish the whole Enclave series before I could review any it, though, because it's less a trilogy and more one book broken into three parts. There's no resolution whatsoever in the first two, and each successive title picks up at the exact moment the last leaves off. Normally I detest these kind of cliffhanger endings, since they leave me feeling cheated out of a complete book, but having finished it I can say now that Enclave is worth the investment.

Enclave is a gritty post-apocalyptic thriller that starts off underground, in the abandoned subway tunnels and sewers. There, in a small barbaric society divided into Builders, Breeders, and Hunters - and where the average life expectancy is only 25 - we meet Deuce. Deuce is a 15-year-old Huntress, tasked with protecting her people from zombie-like creatures called Freaks - who, of course, like to eat people.

I'll be honest, the first few pages didn't grab me right. The whole society-of-hardened-warrior-children thing came off as just too unbelievable. Then the action started. Next thing I knew I was blinking at the clock and wondering where the last three hours went. (You know how that is?)

If you're going to read Enclave, do yourself a favor and already have Outpost on hand. Like I said, no resolution, and DANG are you going to want to know what happens next. The rotten author (I say with all love and respect) even leaves a major character's life hanging in the balance, so you're not sure if that character lives or dies 'til you get to Outpost. NOT COOL.

In Outpost we get a complete change of scenery, as Deuce has left the underground for the first time and ventured Topside, into the sun and the outside world. (I'm leaving out all the spoilery details, promise.) Here she discovers more pockets of survivors - and Freaks -  and starts to unravel the forgotten history of the world's destruction. Throwing in her lot with a small town called Salvation, Deuce again fights to protect the ones she loves.

In Horde, the third and final (yes, we finally DO get a conclusion!) book, Deuce really comes into her own as a leader and warrior. The battles - which are non-stop throughout - get bigger, but at the same time the story hones in on the characters you've come to love and root for, weaving back stories, creating new relationships, and overall just giving this action-thriller a huge amount of heart. Not gonna lie: I cried three or four times during Horde. But at least two of those times were happy tears, so that counts as a wash, right? :) Finishing it reminded me of the first time I finished watching the battle of Helm's Deep in The Two Towers; Aguirre paints war in all its bloody colors, and the ordeal is both exhilarating and exhausting.

Like I said, Enclave is a gritty tale. In addition to the non-stop death and gore, it deals with heftier topics like severe post-traumatic stress disorder and a former rape victim rediscovering her own strength and courage. These are handled masterfully, though, and speaking as someone with a low tolerance for such things, I can say nothing is so graphic as to make you uncomfortable. The horrors and trauma are incredibly believable and realistic, but Aguirre describes them with a sensitivity that spares us the explicit details.

On a more positive note, the gender roles in Enclave - with the exception of the town of Salvation - are a wondrous thing. I love how many strong female leaders we get to meet over the course of the story, but also that the ones in more traditional, non-combative roles are shown to be just as strong. There's even a gentle soul who is essentially a stay-at-home-dad, a nice counterpoint to Deuce's warrior nature.

The love triangle in Enclave doesn't even try to fool us with some "who will she pick?" nonsense, but it does add a believable depth, not to mention one of the most interesting villain-turned-heros I've read in ages. (Stalker and Tegan's story will both make and break your heart. Simply amazing.)

There are obvious parallels here to both the Divergent series and The Hunger Games, but I can assure you Enclave finishes much, MUCH stronger than either of those. (I confess I haven't read Allegiant, but only because I know enough of the plot to know I won't like it. And let's face it: Mockingjay sucked.) We finally get a series that ends right, you guys. Can I get a "WAHOO"? It's huge, it's cinematic, it's gut-wrenching, and it will have your heart rate up 'til the last few chapters. It also ENDS ends, ala Harry Potter, leaving no room for tack-ons, and I respect that. I like to have a good story finished.

So, if you've got time for a good 1200 page read, definitely pick up Enclave, Outpost, and Horde. But don't torture yourself by only having Enclave. Trust me. That wait for the next book will be murder. ;)