Last week I got some new lab results in, and my doctor informed me I have the testosterone levels of a severely testosterone-deficient (or possibly dead) 85-year-old woman.
A few things.
1) There are so many joke potentials here I may actually explode. But apparently in a demure, non-manly, let's-talk-this-out-like-sensible-adults sort of way? I'm a little fuzzy on the details.
2) Speaking of fuzzy, it turns out severely testosterone-deficient (or possibly dead) 85-year-old women still get chin hairs.
3) Which just goes to show there is no justice in the world. I mean, if I have near-zero manliness juju, then why's I still gots to pluck so much, universe? WHY?
(Sorry, guess I have some deep-seated, chin-hair related issues lurking beneath the surface. Really, I'm as surprised as you are. I guess these things just work their way out sometimes. Like chin hairs. Like DAMN FILTHY CHIN HAIRS.)
So now I have to start taking prescription testosterone supplements, which I can only imagine will help SOOO MUCH with my chin-hair-anger issues, not to mention with my sarcasm issues.
On the plus side, I'm told eventually the drugs will make it so I'm not drooling-on-the-couch exhausted for 3 days after every con, and that I'll recover faster and last longer in my meager attempts at exercise. Plus there's some sexy-time benefits, so kids, be sure to ask your folks about those next time there's a lull at the grocery store.
All in all I'm feeling pretty positive, since the labs also revealed some slightly less entertaining - but potentially more beneficial - things we'll be working on, too. It's all part of the plodding, tedious, rarely-rewarding journey toward better health, but every tiny improvement does make it a little easier to take the next step. Which is why you - yes, you right there! - should go see your doctor about that test for that thing this week. Go. Do it. Make the appointment. Take a step.
After all, look at me: I did it, and now in another 6 months or so I could TOTALLY arm-wrestle your 85-year-old grandma. I think. Maybe. That's how this works, right?
Tell you what, let's put a pin in that, while I go pluck this chin hair.
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