Sunday, May 8, 2011

When Flamingos Attack

I'm happy to report that last week's Caribbean cruise was, in a word, lovely. We splurged on a balcony cabin, and I spent every spare second outside, breathing in the ocean air and just watching the waves go by. Ahhhh.

This was our view leaving Miami:

I spent hours just watching the sea foam wash along below me:

It's really mesmerizing. Plus, the wake from the ship would send up little sprays, which flashed quick little rainbows in the sunlight. You can just see one in this shot:

Our first port was in Freeport, the Bahamas, but we were too busy relaxing to even think of leaving the ship. We had a nice view from the balcony, though:

See those trees with the orange flowers? Those are Royal Poncianas, my all-time favorite tree. (Is it weird to have a favorite tree?) You'll find them all over the Caribbean and south Florida, and they have the most delicate, fern-like leaves. Super pretty.

Now, I know what you're thinking: GET TO THE GOOD PART, ALREADY!!

Ok, ok. Let's move on to our stop in Nassau, the Bahamas, where I inadvertently made my own remake of Hitchcock's The Birds.

In Nassau there is a sweet little park called the Ardastra Gardens. It's technically a zoo, but the main attractions are all birds.

You'll have to humor me a bit longer, though, because I have some beauty shots to share:

There were lots of parrots on open air stands stationed around the park, but this guy in particular demanded our attention. He'd squawk out increasingly desperate "hello!"s and do all manner of tricks and tumbles to get us to watch him. Here he's hanging by his feet:

...but he also flipped upside down and hung by one leg - and then, when we turned to leave, performed his pièce de résistance:

Such a ham.
(While hanging, he continued squawking - I'm guessing the parrot equivalent of "Look, Ma! No hands!")

Having escaped this first avian encounter relatively unscathed (unless you count our eardrums), we then thought it'd be a great idea to go feed the lorikeets.

Here our friends Ray and Julianne (along with Ninja Baby Isaiah) and John are being swarmed by the horde:

Now, lorikeets are beautiful birds. However, being birds, they are, naturally, from the devil. (I say this as the daughter of a bird-lover, and having grown up with everything from cockatiels to african grays.) So, naturally, once I acquired my own apple slice to feed the little flying hell hounds, one immediately nipped me on the finger while another busied himself pooping on my shirt.

Good times.

When we tried to leave, this little bully decided to claim John's sneaker for all Hell-kind:

He wouldn't relinquish his hold for anything, and it took over a dozen steps and some rather exuberant hokey-pokeying to get him to flap off. Heh.

Next we went to see the flamingos.

(Ah, you perked up there, didn't you? I thought so, you blood-thirsty lot, you.)

Ardastra is famous for their marching flamingos. They have a show/demonstration where the flock is paraded around a circular open-air theater, responding to a drill sergeant trainer's commands.

Before the show, the birds roam freely outside the theater, eating, sleeping, and honking at each other:

You can even walk right up to them and take shots like this:

That beady little eye popped open the second my shutter clicked. Creeeepy.

(In case the suspense is killing you: this is not when I was attacked.)

(That came during the show.)

Heeere they coooome!

It was neat watching the flock parade around and about-face on command. They'd stop mere inches from our seats, too:

During which this guy was clearly sizing me up for later:

To quote Pete Venkman, "That's the one that got me."

The final part of the show involved victims volunteers being brought into the arena for a photo op. The trainer brought the whole flock around each individual, which was when that beady-eyed specimen there took a particularly keen interest in me.

Fun fact: flamingos can reach five feet in height with their necks extended. Being five foot tall myself, I can now personally verify this fact after being nose-to-beak with Mr. Beady Eyes. He got closer, and closer, and closer, and then started going for my head.

For my dignity's sake, I tried to simultaneously laugh off being attacked by a giant lawn ornament while attempting to keep my shoulder up to shield my face.

It...was not a pretty sight.

But, for your amusement, I'll show you anyway:

I have other shots of me leaning waaaay back, stark terror in my madly grinning "no, really, I'm not scared!!" face, but I'll be leaving those visuals to your imagination.

But wait, there's more!

After the flamingo show, we spied these pretty black swans in a nearby pond:

We stopped to ooh and aah, and after a few moments, one of them heaved himself out of the water and started waddling towards us.

"Oooh, he's coming to say hello!" I squealed, forgetting, again, the whole demon-spawn thing.

Sure enough, the swan came right up to the little hip-high wall separating us, and lunged. At the last possible second, I realized he was going for my water bottle, which I'd set on the wall to take a photo:

John snatched it out of the way just in time, but the bird made a few more desperate grabs for it, shooting his head forward snake-like. I guess he really doesn't like plastic bottles.

Despite the bird attacks, we still had a fantastic day at Ardastra - and in all seriousness, I'd highly recommend it to anyone visiting Nassau. In fact, I'll leave you with a little more eye candy:

This gorgeous guy paraded around for us for a full five minutes with his tail extended, showing off his feathers.

And finally, the eighth wonder of the world:

The backside of peacock!!

Heh. Aheh. Heh.

(Hey, once a JC skipper, ALWAYS a JC skipper.)


  1. That looks like an amazing trip!
    Thanks for sharing! (and glad you survived your flamingo mauling!)

  2. Thank you for making me choke on my wine.

    Backside of peacock.

    I love you Jen.

  3. LOVE the story and the pics. :) I love being able to see a picture of you and picture the person behind the computer-- you're super pretty! (in a non-creepy way, of course. :) )

    Glad you had a great and spontaneous time, and, most importantly, are back here safely. :)

  4. Woohoo! Former cast members unite! :D

    I was attacked by angelfish on my honeymoon so I commiserate. Glad you survived!

  5. Beautiful shots Jen! I feel the need for a vacation now, even with the devils that tend to haunt vacation spots. I too have been attacked by winged demon spawn. (Who knew geese can be such evil creatures?) Glad you survived and still got to enjoy some amazing places!

  6. As someone who has also been attacked by a swan (ended up scaring it off by throwing the bread at it but not before it nipped my hand and then made a beeline for my friend's son!), I commend you on keeping your composure around the devil spawn with wings. Beautiful to look at? Yes. Secret evil assassins sent here to destroy us? YES!

  7. I have a favorite tree too, Jen. I love magnolias. :-)

  8. We used to feed the geese and ducks at a park when I was little. I'll never forget being attacked by one. When you're small and those monsters are about the same size as you, they are pretty damn scary. It bit me so hard I bled and my mother had to beat it with her purse to get it away. I take particular relish in eating birds.

  9. Love it! I love and am terrified of birds any larger than my hand. I'm glad you wern't eaten.

  10. 1. I'm glad you guys had a great trip, even including the aggressive birds.
    2. I don't think it's weird at all to have a favorite tree. Mine's the (commonly called) Tulip Magnolia (Magnolia liliiflora for the scientific people out there.) So I for one appreciated learning about a beautiful new tree!
    3. You look great, even when shying away from aggro flamingoes. :-) Thanks for sharing all your beautiful pictures!

  11. PS...My husband showed this to me last week and I thought you might find it funny. :-)


  12. I'm glad you had a nice, relaxing vacation despite the bird attacks!! Cute swimsuits, btw :)

  13. Jen, thank you again for making me laugh out loud! I too have had run-ins with those pesky little Lorakeets. I wanted to launch one that bit me into orbit!
    And your photo of the peacock (the front view LOL!) is beautiful. Love it!

  14. So far I've had good luck with birds but I was "attacked" by a fish once.

    My cousin and I were swimming in Hawaii, and I was asking her if they had any shark sightings in the area. As I was saying "shark" this inky-dinky little fish JUMPS out of the water, sending us into screaming fits. And then into laughing fits. Attack of the killer goldfish. Sheesh.

  15. Every time I see your pictures I wish I could take you as my official vacation photographer. Great shots.

    My favorite south Florida tree,the purple Jacaranda in full bloom.

  16. That's some scary stuff! I am terrified of birds and for good reason. I'm glad to have more validation. Glad you enjoyed your vacation!

  17. I loved seeing a picture of you finally. You're really cute! I'm only 5'2" on a good day, so I know how terrifying wildlife can be up close and personal.

  18. It's a toss-up which is my favorite photo: the rainbow in the wake (awesome capture!!) or the peacock behind!

    The peacock behind is one of those things you never knew you wondered about until you actually see it ... :)

    and to continue the bird madness ...

    WV ducksess: I was a ducksess until I divorced the duke.

  19. You made me feel better about saying (way too often) "the backside of water!!!" like it's the most cleaverest thing I've ever said. Just used it at the Monterey Bay Aquarium in their "sit under a wave" exhibit....

    Something about being a cast member that just STAYS with you. Apparently for life.

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  21. I grew up on the Great South Bay LI, and my very favorite thing, was watching the wake the ferry made any time we went to Fire Island. (:
    guedinke; When the ferry man sneezed, I said, "guedinke!"

  22. OH THANK GOD there are other people out there who also consider birds to be Of the Devil. Birds don't like me, and I suspect it's because I'm a cat person. Had a friend who had a cockatiel(sp) that was "SOOOOOO friendly," he just flew around the house and was like the dog of the family, and he'd NEVER bite anyone! Well, guess who he bit? Yep.

    I have had some strange zen moments with some parrots before, though, and living on a VERY small ranch, I do want to have a few ducks someday for the eggs. (Duck eggs are DELICIOUS!) But overall, mostly I like to just watch birds. And I come from a father who is an avid birdwatcher, and a grandmother and an aunt who literally have birds that flock (no pun intended) to them as if they are bird gods.

    THANK YOU for sharing your photos! Someday I'll go on a cruise...someday....

  23. I love that I said ,"the backside of peacock!" before I got to the actual caption. It's like you're in my mind....

  24. I have a favorite tree too!! I LOVE love love quaking aspens.

    And the picture of you with the flamingo, while you are clearly on the road to PTSD, is adorable.

  25. Jen, these shots are awesome! It's really always a major treat to see you up here.

    FYI, There is nothing abnormal about having a favorite tree. When I lived in the mid-west, mine was the Dogwood. Since I've moved to California's central coast, though, I have developed a deep appreciation for the Jacaranda tree. There is nothing so amazing to me as watching my town painted purple when these otherwise unremarkable trees go into full bloom.

  26. I ALSO had a flamingo go bazerk on me!
    Being of similar hight to you and having it happen in front of the entire day camp I was working at, I can safely say I get where you're coming from sister. BIRDS should not be people hight, even short people hight :P

  27. Hah! I'd never thought to wonder what the backside of a peacock looks like. Thank you for enlightening me. (And sorry about the flamingos.)

  28. Your loyal Epbot readers are much relieved that you survived your encounter with the pink demon spawn (truly, he did look like he was contemplating evil in the photos). I, for one, can say with certainty that I have never before seen the backside of a peacock. It was...kinda weird!

  29. Ooh a picture of you! Finally!
    Sounds like a great trip.

  30. Fricking black swans.
    There was one who took up residence on the lawn by my university library. I'm walking back to my car after an exam and this thing comes hissing at me.
    I smacked him upside the head with my leather jacket!
    He should be glad I didn't use the huge Micro-biology text book I was also carrying.
    His attacks on other students have seen him be relocated to another campus.

  31. I have a favorite tree too. It's the Sassafras tree, and it's my favorite for two reasons: 1) it has three different leaf shapes on the same tree and 2) sassafras roots are what root beer is made of!

  32. i am in complete agreement....birds are E-vil

  33. Another former cast member! Adventureland Merch here, was there for 2 years (and then went to Universal and am about to celebrate 10 years there. But I still adore all things Disney)!

    The photos are GORGEOUS!!

  34. Dear Jen,

    I know you don't need my opinion, so ignore it please if you wish: Super Red took the words out of my, er, keyboard: you are pretty!


  35. Stunning pictures! Now I'm dying for a cruise or a vacation in general.

    Big birds have always freaked me out. I love to take pretty pictures of them, but after having spent an entire summer being chased by a rooster I am not a fan.

  36. As someone with horrible orinthnophobia (yes, I looked it up!), that bird park would be the DEATH of me. Even just looking at your pictures, my heart started beating a little faster. And the flamingo show? NO WAY IN HELL. Otherwise, it looks like it was a beautiful trip and I'm very jealous of it! :)

  37. Bwahahahahahaha!!! I just love that you let us laugh along with you (since you didn't lose an eye or something and CAN laugh about it)! Having never been on a cruise (and mostly likely will never be able to afford it, lol), I have to live vicariously through you and your pictures. Thank you so much for always sharing this stuff with us!!

  38. We had such a great time in the Bahamas, too. We did the swim with the seals and my husband was molested by a seal there.

  39. Royal Poincianas are my favorite tree, too! They're breathtaking. I want to plant one in my yard. Better yet, I want to plant several. Unfortunately, I'm in Pasco County, which may be just slightly too far to the north for them to thrive. I think I'm willing to risk it, though.

  40. I think this is the first picture I've ever seen of you! You are adorable!

    I too, think birds are Evil. My little sister used to have a cockatiel. For some reason the cage had to be outside MY room though, where it would wake me up with its screeching every morning at 7am. It also hated me, unless I was sitting at the computer with my headphones on. Then it would land on my shoulder and try to eat through the wires. GO AWAY!

  41. Thanks for sharing. Jacarandas are my favorite tree, and it never occurred to me that would be weird.

    For those of us a little slow in the Disney allusion department, I googled it. JC skipper = jungle cruise tour guides who make jokes about showing the 8th wonder of the world - the back side of a waterfall. The peacock looks more impressive.

  42. I loved your backside of peacock comment. LOVE. Anyway, those are beautiful shots you got! And I totally would have been the one to be attacked by birds, too. Ducks in particular seem to think I look rather tasty. Which, of course, my husband thinks is the funniest thing EVER and will throw bread crumbs at me so the ducks will attack. And yes, I still love him.

  43. While I was surprised by the flamingo attack, the swan attack doesn't surprise me at all. They're mean sumsbiches. When I was a kid my mom worked at a group home for the developmentally disabled. We went on an outing with one of the guys in a wheelchair and one of the swans at the park WOULD NOT stop biting the guys tires. Poor guy was completely freaked out, because if the swan wasn't biting, it was squawking. Loudly. They eventually had to get a ranger to get the swan away AND had to replace one of the tires on the wheelchair.

    Fond memories. Good times. Good times. Thanks for helping me resurrect a traumatic memory from my childhood.

    WV: dirab- while the parrots were pretty, the swans looked a little dirab in all black.

  44. Haha! :D

    1. The 5th wonder of the world is THE BACKSIDE OF WATER, not a peacock, tsk tsk lol ;)

    2. All children with bird-loving mothers grow up to hate birds. I think this is a universal law of habit.

    3. Flamingos ARE scary tall I can attest and I could've warned you about them being all freaky-like up close! :D

    I love this! Glad you had a great time and made it out alive from the bird zoo. Nassau is really a pretty place, I agree!

  45. Great jungle cruise reference...I love that I actually know what you are talking about!

  46. Lovely photos! LOL...I hear ya, sista! Birds are fascinatingly creepy with their beady little eyes. I was attacked in the head by an aggressive Tower of London raven on our honeymoon. It liked my shiny barrette I guess. *shudder*

  47. Thanks for identifying the tree with the orange flowers. We just got back from getting married in Key West and I spent a lot of time admiring those trees.

    Glad you survived your flamingo attack with no lasting damage. :)


  48. That second image is gorgeous. Great shot.

  49. I love that you posted a picture of yourself! It's nice to be able to put a face to the voice. Or the writing. Or...whatever. You're adorable when you're being attacked by lawn ornaments!

    I have a favorite tree, too: dogwoods. This is my favorite time of year, when they're all in bloom.

    And now I really want to take a Carribean cruise. Sigh.

  50. Well, once a Jungle Cruise fan, always a Jungle Cruise fan! I love it :)

  51. Thanks for sharing you vacation photos with us! Especially, the backside of the peacock, I have always wondered what they look like back there! Also, You are super cute! It's great to be able to put a face on all these awesome posts.

  52. Anyone else now having a new appreciation for the croquet scene from Alice in Wonderland? I mean now it's obvious those flamingos deserved to be used as croquet mallets!

  53. Swans are totally vicious. My sister and I were held captive in our car while a very large male swan decided to try remove our side mirrors. Their necks make body builders' forarms look puny. Glad your trip was relaxing otherwise. :)

  54. My husband and I went to the Bahamas for our honeymoon, and I loved Ardastra! I've adored flamingos since I was little, so of course I volunteered to stand among the marching flamingos. We have a hysterical photo of me being chased by an overly-friendly flamingo. I'm 6'1" and I was still a little intimidated!

  55. JUST when I thought I couldn't love ya anymore than I already do- you post this!!! I, myself, HATE peacocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are beautiful creatures, blah blah blah- but most people don't know that they are also the fru-its of the deh-vil. When I was a kid our neighbors had a whole flock of them...they would fly across the street, perch outside my bedroom window and make that FREAKIN' AWFUL "Puh-CAAAAWWW" at the butt-crack of dawn. //shudder// Plus they would waddle across the street with all thier demon spawn and gorge themsleves on our strawberries...well until my Dad chucked rocks at them. heh heh. How I despise them...but you know, I hear they taste just like chicken! ;D LOL

  56. Oh! I've been there! I loved Ardastra - although I wasn't attacked by any of the birds except the overly-loud parrot. Sorry you were, but I thought feeding the lorikeets and posing with the marching flamingos was awesome! Of course your photos are way better than mine. And I'm totally jealous that the peacock posed for you - he refused to display for me at all!

  57. Well, I just had to chime in. Thanks, as always, for sharing. I am also happy to finally see a photo of you, so I have a face to put with your daily wit and whimsy. I think you’re as cute as a bug’s ear, and I mean that in the nicest possible way! And I have a no-question, hands-down favorite tree. It’s the live oak, of which we don’t have any in Kansas, but I’ll take them with or without Spanish moss draped all over their branches. For me, those majestic trees are some of the highlights whenever I visit the little-old South!

  58. Hey Jen? Can I ask what kind of camera you use? (Sorry if you have answered this somewhere else...) Is it an SLR camera? You take *phenomenal* pictures. :)

    I loved the suit mods btw, and hearing about your trip. Thanks for letting us tag along!

  59. Oh, Jen, you make me laugh! I love the foreshadowing of your misadventures from post to post and even when you finally get to the post and keep me in
    BTW, it is now weird to have a favorite tree. My favorite is an aspen tree. Love how they look in fall and love the smell of the bark.

  60. I worked at the bird department in a pet store and I'm terrified of birds (yeah, it doesn't work out too well) and have gotten badly bitten and attacked many times. Even standing near those flamingos would have sent me cowering in a corner.

  61. Jen, I'm guessing you've already seen Weird Al's "Skipper Dan" song & video, but if not you should definitely check it out.

    Hope you get a laugh.

  62. As soon as I heard about the flamingo and that you were on a Caribbean cruise, I knew you'd gone to Ardastra! My family and I have been going to Nassau for the past 20+ years and I always love going there! My picture on my facebook right now is me and my Mom and a flamingo at the marching flamingos from like 8 years ago.

  63. Also I'm really jealous about the lorikeets, I was at the Cleveland zoo today and we went to feed the lorikeets some nectar and they actually ran away from me and to other people with the exact same nectar. I was really upset...especially when one flew directly for my head and when I jumped I spilled the nectar all over myself.

  64. birds = disgusto.
    Once upon an adventure, I was nearly attacked by an albino peacock. I was sitting on a park bench, and he hurdled a nearby hedge and nearly gouged out my eyeballs with his talons. It is *much* easier to laugh about this a decade after the traumatic event.

  65. So glad you are back and that you had a great time! Love the pictures -- especially the one of you and the flamingo, and the one of your feet on the deck. So..... what'd you bring us, huh?? :-)

  66. Looks like you had a good time lol.
    BTW you are beautiful! Mr. Beady-eye apparently thought so too and was trying to get in on John's territory. lol
    Beautiful shots.
    Did you ever see the albino peacock at Ft.Wilderness? I have an awesome photo of that.

  67. Looks like a fantastic trip! I love cruising and I agree with you that the wake and sea foam are mesmerizing. :) :) :)

    Bird attacks? Scary! I love flamingoes, but I've never been that close to one, and didn't realize they can get that tall.

    Love the backside of peacock!!!! :)

    Welcome back!

  68. I think it would have been awesome to go on the Jungle Cruise with Jen as guide!
    Next week will be my 2 little kids first time to see the 8th wonder of the world in person at Disneyland! If I don't hear that line, I will be disappointed!

  69. Thanks for sharing your vacation photos; it looks like you guys had a ball. That's a part of the Caribbean we haven't visited yet. It looks appealing. Never saw the backside of a peacock, but always wondered what it looked like. Thanks for thinking like me.

    I totally agree about springing for a balcony suite. Once you decide to spend that much money on a vacation, it just makes sense to go the extra step and get really magical accommodations. After we realized that our "once in a lifetime" cruise was going to be repeated, we immediately chose to book balcony rooms thereafter and have never been sorry. (Especially if you ever do the Alaska inside passage cruise. There is nothing like looking at the glaciers from your own room instead of in the mass of humanity on deck).

    By the way, I also loved the tankinis you featured in the earlier post and the adjustments you made. Brilliant!

  70. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention how charming you looked fighting off the pink thing. First time you appeared on the other side of the camera, I believe. The biggest surprise for me was that you have dark hair; for some reason, I had pictured you with medium brown. Anyway, now that the fourth wall has been broken, maybe we'll see more photos of you in the midst of your adventures.

  71. Ummmm....can I tell you how much more I love you now that I know that I'm not the only one convinced all birds are out to kill me?!

    Side story - I just got back from Chicago where the birds outside the aquarium were definitely out for blood. Later we DID come across that basically said "Beware of Killer Black Birds." I asked my friend "Do you SEE how they're trying to kill us?" and she said "I'm pretty sure they're just trying to kill YOU and I'm going to be injured in the crossfire."

    That said - I love non-real birds. When I showed my friends the Put A Bird On It video one said "Did you direct this?" .....write it?"

    Yep - LOVE birds when they are not out to get me and making sudden, swooping movements! :-)

  72. So...the "backside of water" joke has always been my favorite joke on The Jungle Cruise, so thank you for the reference. :)

    This makes me want to go on a cruise. Especially since I've never been on one. *sigh* At least I'm going to WDW soon. :)

  73. Oh.

    An actual picture of you on the blog?!?!?!? *SHOCKED* :)

  74. My fave tree is ...

    The Larch.

    The. Larch.


    "Backside of peacock" had me LOL-ing all over the place. Hahahahaha !

  75. fav tree=the beobub (idk if that's how it's really spelled but that's what it sounded like the british guy (love me a british accent :D ) on planet earth was saying) from madagascar

    and.... drum roll..... we FINALLY get to see an image of the gal behind all the hysterical posts on this site and cakewrecks. you are a lovely person and i have no idea why you've never shown us you before

    also, my aunt has peacocks but they're always so angry that they never show their plumage (unless the peahens are in heat but i've never been around for that lol).... they just strut around like they own the place (but that roll really belongs to the broken winged white british goose..... or maybe her cows.....) gotta love birds heheh.... not!

  76. I was giggling like mad through the whole thing... I had no idea flamingos were homicidal! A couple of geese tried to attack me once, but that's hardly the same thing.

  77. Yay! Finally a picture of the genius behind my two favorite blogs! Thank you. Looks like you had a fabulous trip!

    I didn't realize so many people were afraid of birds, but after reading these comments, I guess my coworker isn't so weird after all. I've only ever been slightly afraid of one. When we were in Israel, we went to a zoo that had lots of aviaries you can walk through. One had these beautiful blue birds, about the size of large chickens. Most just left you alone, but one decided after getting close that he didn't want us there, so he herded us out the door. Got the rest of my family out first, then came after me! I have a pic similar to yours of him chasing me to the door!

  78. You are exactly how I pictured you- short, pigtailed, and adorable!

    I seem to be outnumbered here, but I love birds. I have had pet birds, and currently am only at one lovebird. He is very sweet and hardly ever bites. I was attacked by geese once when I was little apparently- my mom has told that story to me numerous times. The truth is, the flamingo was probably just curious about you. Swans are just plain mean though. You should be glad that all it wanted was your water bottle and not a finger!

    Thanks for letting us partake in your vacation! ...favorite tree? Weeping Willow. They just seem so sad and sentimental to me.

  79. Did you really used to work at JC? I work at Disney too! (I mean, who doesn't?) But still. Sweet. Also, pretty birds.

  80. My favorite tree is the Jackaranda :)

  81. Geese hate me. I'm not being hyperbolic here. They really, really hate me. And they chase me whenever I'm around them. Ask anyone in my family.

    Oh, and I've also learned at petting zoos, that lambs bite - they are not cute and cuddly. And that goats kick. And that emus bite as well.

  82. I find it hilarious that you and I were on a cruise in the same area at the same time... Granted, I was cruising on a 225' Coast Guard buoy tender, but still!

  83. As someone who was once bitten by an ostrich, I 100% agree that birds = hellspawn.


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