Who missed me? Huh? C'mon, ya big lugs, I know it was you!
Before I detail the many, many adventures I suffered during my four-night Caribbean cruise (I was attacked by a flamingo. I kid thee not.), I want to share some quick and easy, down and dirty suit mods that I came up with before said cruise.
Now, as anyone with a uterus knows, shopping for a bathing suit sucks. S-U-C-K-S. Suh-Ux. Sucks. And, as anyone blessed with moderately large-ish metaphorical tracts of lands knows, finding an inexpensive suit that won't have you metaphorically hangin' ten (two?) is nearly impossible.
I found this at Target:
Cute, right? The problem, however, lay with that circular cut-out. If you've ever worn a tube top or bandeau, you know how the middle tends to, um, hover a bit. Well, this one hovered a lot, becoming a veritable port-hole into the infamous land of the dreaded side boob.
Fortunately, the solution was ridiculously easy:
See? Ridiculously easy. The removable strap was the perfect length for a halter strap through the circle. I attached the two ends together like this:
...but for a permanent fix you could also break off one plastic clip and hook the remaining one through the fabric loop left behind. This was fine on my neck, though, so I left both on.
And the best part? No more porthole! The strap kept the circle down and provided much better support.
I thought that was the end of my suit-shopping, but the day before we left I spotted an ok-looking halter design at Wal-Mart - and at only $10, I couldn't pass it up:
However, it had a similar problem: the cut was just too low for comfort. So, I whipped out my Crop-A-Dile (a grommet-setting tool one of you readers told me about) and...
The cord was the handle off an old gift bag, and I already had the copper grommets (although silver would have looked much better), so the fix didn't cost me a penny. The grommets held fast, too; after a day at the beach there wasn't a single pucker or pull. Success!
Well, I hope this helps inspire some of my fellow land owners out there to go ahead and modify a cheaper suit to save a little money - and also to have a little fun in the process. :)
Now, stay tuned for...[dun dun DUUUUMM] "When Flamingos...ATTACK."