Legend, The 36 Year Old Movie That's A Love Letter To Tom Cruise's Thighs, And Other Thoughts

This review will be an extremely long read riddled with spoilers, a little snark, a lot of silly, some hilarious photos, and INTENSE NERD-DOM.

You have been warned.

So a week or two ago I suggested we watch the infamous 1985 fantasy flop, Legend, and discovered something alarming: John had never seen it.
 
That's right, he'd never seen Tim Curry in bull horns. Or Mia Sarah from Ferris Bueller dramatically flouncing through a Claritin commercial. Or Tom Cruise rescuing a fairy with a chicken foot for a hand out of a giant pie shell in hell.

This could not stand.

Let's get one thing out of the way first: Legend is not a good movie. Roger Ebert gave it two stars, and to this day it has a 38% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes. It flopped HARD at the box office, and is often blamed for killing fantasy movies in general until Peter Jackson came along with Lord of the Rings.

Nope, Legend is not a good movie.

But it is a GREAT movie.

Pretty much everyone agrees you don't watch Legend for the story, you watch it for the jaw-dropping visuals. And when I say jaw-dropping, I mean take-your-breath away STUNNING, even 36 years later:

If one of your aesthetics is "running barefoot through the misty moors in a shredded ballgown", then THIS IS YOUR MOVIE, fam.

I was amazed how well I remembered it, too, considering I haven't seen Legend in probably 20 years. I could even recite some of the dialogue, and immediately noticed when the version we rented cut Meg Mucklebones' scene short.

That cut scene nagged me, so I turned to Google... and immediately fell down a 20+ hour rabbit hole of all things Legend. (Haha, whoops.)

So now, in no particular order, here come my favorite fun facts and personal observations from this amazingly beautiful, amazingly bad movie:

- Legend Is a Love Letter To Tom Cruise's Thighs

Tom Cruise was 22 during filming and fresh off the set of Risky Business - the movie that gave us the world-famous underwear dance. Not to be outdone, the producers of Legend decided Tom would not only be pants-less the entire movie, he would also be prohibited from walking upright for most of it.

Grocery Shopping, But Make It ADVENTURE

John thought of a way to get us out of the house that didn't involve crowds of people OR being outside, so we made a whole afternoon of it:

WE HAVE FUN HERE

The International Food Club is one of those hidden gems you treasure; it's always empty in the late afternoons when we visit, the prices are reasonable, and it has foods, snacks, and drinks from all over the world. It's like a theme park for your mouth, y'all.

 

Also the front door is made of heavy plastic flaps you have to push through like you're in an action movie chasing after the baddies in an abandoned warehouse. BONUS.
 

 I mentioned our grocery haul in my Stories a while back, but now I'm back with REVIEWS. Awww yeeeeeah. Buckle up, gourmands. We may not be able to travel, but at least our taste buds can.

Starting off with my most fascinating find:

Doganay is apparently a popular drink in Turkey. I had one or two people on IG tell me they drank it daily when they lived or visited there.

I expected this to be carbonated, mildly sweet, and sort of kombucha-like.

This... was none of those things.

Book Looks, A Firey Puppet, & This Pink Puffball Turned John Into A Puddle

'Tsup, bots and britches?

Sorry, I was just trying something there.

So, hey! I'm back with more fun finds and cool creators - the stuff that's made me smile and kept me dreaming this week. I hope it does the same for you.

***

First up, Brittina of Book Looks by B is a makeup artist inspired by book covers, and this is such a fresh take I absolutely love it:

Not only do you get her amazing art, you also get some sweet book recommendations! Give Brittina a follow over on Instagram for lots more.

*****

Brianna Newsome has themed her entire house after Harry Potter, and y'all, it is MAGIC. Here, I'll show you just a few of her photos, so you can squeal with me:

A Honeydukes kitchen! EEEEEE!

Then she has an Herbology themed bathroom:

We're Nerdy & We Gnome It

Well, howdy.

That week kinda zoomed by. 

Reading and responding to all your comments, DMs, and e-mails has taken up most of my "work" time, and the rest has been a nice slow pace of resting and recuperating. THANK YOU to the 700+ who commented or messaged, and the thousands more I know were here in spirit. It's always awe-inspiring when this family comes together, seeing how many of us are out here fighting the same battles. Plus Mr. Rogers told us anything mentionable is manageable, and I know these conversations are helping others find the courage to speak up. So thank you.

Anyhoo, often my best self-care is taking time to be ridiculous, so happily John & I got to host a little craft night last week and do just that. This was our second craft night with friends in the past month, and even sitting across the room from each other in masks is such a help, seriously. After actual medicine, being with people you love is the best medicine.

So what ridiculous things were we making? WELL. Lemme show you:

Sock gnomes!!

That was our first batch from 2 weeks ago, made with friends Dennis & Bonnie, who we hadn't been around in over a year.

If you follow my Stories on IG or FB then you've seen some of these little guys under our Valentine Tree:



Plus this one stood in for scale when my friend Arielle made me a Galentines' cake:



Then there's my new exercise coach:

I know it doesn't look much like a rabbit, but it made us laugh.

These gnomes are so fun and easy to make - and we still had so many supplies left over - that we scheduled a second night last week with two more friends, and made another batch:

Some Of You Tell Me This Helps, So Here Goes

Content Warning: Depression, self-harm. This is a doozy, y'all.

I'm really struggling with my mental health right now, and my natural tendency is to hide that. I figured I just wouldn't post for a little while, 'til I get my head right.

But yesterday in my latest batch of snail mail I got some Valentines saying what so many of you have told me over the years: That what helps the most out of all my pictures and stories and projects is my being real about the hard times. I've even had people say, "If Jen from Epbot struggles with self-hate and panic and depression, then I guess it's OK that I do, too." That is both humbling and mind-blowing to me, but I want to honor that, and honor you.

So now when I hit an especially low point, I try to take it as a sign that some of you are struggling, too. That you need someone to see you and drag this shared pain out into the light, where we can look at it and just acknowledge it together.

Deep breaths, love. Here goes.

You know I've hated my face for years, but these past weeks I've started hating myself. Me, the one inside. I feel pathetic, unworthy, unlovable, and hopelessly self-absorbed with problems I have no right to complain about. I can't control my sleep schedule, I eat too many sweets, I waste so much time thinking about all the time I waste. I ignore my friends, drift from my family, and create a burden for John. In my heart all I want is to help others, to be of use, but in practice I feel I'm a shattered, useless mess. 

Our Project:Epbot jobs are on hold, because more people we know caught Covid. Fortunately John & I tested negative after a close call, and our friends have since recovered, but that's been another reminder of the virtual wolf outside the door, and left us looking for a project to keep us - or at least me - going.

A week or two ago I foolishly stopped taking the thing that helps my depression, because I didn't feel depressed. (I swear that made sense at the time.) Then I started skipping meals and bingeing junk food, which made my gut feel awful. Then I stopped sleeping... or I slept way too much. I bounced from 13 hours to 3 and back again. Combined with my lack of projects and overall feeling of restless uselessness, it all just snowballed.

Last night I was so angry at myself, so filled with grief and disgust, that I snapped. I started hurting myself, and quickly reached a point so violent that - mercifully - it scared me out of the spiral. I sat there looking down that dark familiar road, the one that gave me bleeding scratches and scars back in my late teens, and I practiced my breathing and eventually managed to still my hands. But it was hard, y'all, because the pain felt right. Like control. Like justice.

If you're concerned reading this, you should be. My brain and emotions are lying to me, and after another 15 hours in bed today, I can see that. I've started taking my meds again, I'm backing off the sweets and trying to eat real food, and I'm letting myself just be while I watch funny shows with John. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. In the meantime I'm reminding myself this will get better, and I'm looking at all these sweet Valentines y'all have sent, which I've hung in my office. I'm giving myself permission to believe the things you wrote, even when they don't feel true:

That's my game plan. That's my road out of here.

What's yours?

There's no quick fix for this battle, but I can tell you I already feel much better, more clear-headed. It took every tool I've learned so far, though: identifying the lies, talking back to the accuser, breathing exercises, basic things like food and sleep, and trusting John to nudge me in the next right direction when I didn't trust myself.

This past year we've all been tossed into a raging sea, and even the strongest swimmers are getting tired. That's ok. Heck, that's to be expected. Isolation, fear, uncertainty, grief, we're all swimming in it. Some of us are drowning in it. And just like waves, we're going to have highs and lows. So hold on. If you're down here in the depths with me, trust that another wave is coming to lift us up again. It will get better. 'Til then let's gather up our tool kits, keep our support people close, make a plan, maybe say a prayer, and just keep fighting.

I will if you will. 

 

In fact, can we make that a pact? Leave me a comment, here or on FB, and say "I'm here, too" if you're in this battle with me. Let's show the ones feeling the most alone just how many of us are out here, still here, still hanging on, still fighting.

Also remember I love you, because I do. If I have to be this broken and raw in front of 10,000 strangers to convince even one of you that you are loved beyond your own imagining - by me and by so many others - then it will have been worth it.

Easy DIY Pop-Up Bouquet: Free Cricut Templates & Tutorial

John and I are in a community group delivering Valentines to retirement homes this weekend, so I've been looking for cute-but-easy pop-up cards we could make on our Cricut.

I thought this would be an easy find, but WOW was it not. o.0 Nearly all the cards I found were either too complicated to make in multiples, had their "free" templates locked behind membership paywalls, or were on blogs so old that the template files were missing. So after a frustrating hour, I asked John to help me make our own templates.

Aaaaand here's what we came up with:

Cute, right? I like how the flowers grow as you open the card.

 I also like that the design is all-occasion friendly, because I will for sure be making more of these throughout the year.

To give proper credit where it's due: I believe the flower pop-up part originated on this Instructable - but it's so old all the graphics and video are gone. It's by far the most common design I found on Pinterest and Youtube, though:

From what I've seen all of these versions are hand cut and use a single layer of paper for the flowers. We changed ours up by adding a second layer for the flower stamens, designing templates we can cut on our Cricut, and by making the card itself as a print file.

With the machine doing all the cutting - and no need to hand draw the flower centers OR the outside card - these come together pretty fast! We've been able to whip up over a dozen in a single evening.

Ready to see how? Then here, watch me put one together in under 4 minutes:



And of course you get all our templates for free. Get ready to clicky-click!

Witcher Lightsabers, A Macrame Droid Display, & Redefining The "Head"

I've been whining to John this week that my posts don't feel weird enough anymore. Usually most of my snazzalicious geek content comes from our trips to comic conventions or Dapper Day or Slug Club meetups, so as we drag ourselves into the 11th month of lockdown I fear my blog has become, dare I say, boring.

Also here's a skull toilet.

(The Fabulous Weird Trotter)

I like to think the lights turn fiery red when you flush.

 I'm just saying all this transforming closets and making butterfly wreaths feels so... ordinary. So everyday. Where's my niche content? Where's the retro stuff only the coolest people recognize?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by StanWinstonSchool (@stanwinstonschool)

Maybe with a little luck, we'll find some.

I know I'm not the only one missing my con photos and geeky parties and stories of fans getting together to play and laugh and just BE, but for now, all I can do is keep sharing stuff I find that I love.

Like sweet macrame decor:

(ChurrosAndTheChild)

... with a custom painted BB-8 inside. Who says droids can't be Boho Chic?

Then there's Vaults of Valhalla (who I'm sure has a real name, I just can't find it), who makes custom etched lightsabers that will take your breath away. Check out this Witcher themed one:

Quick Craft: No One Will Believe Your New Laser-Cut Necklaces Came From DOLLAR TREE

::runs in::

 

Y'ALL.

Dollar Tree just started carrying some new crafting embellishment thingies, and they are a GOLDMINE for jewelry-making:

These are laser-cut... wood? ::squints:: Maybe "wood" is being too generous. They're a wood-like substance. Think Masonite, but weaker. You get 6 pieces per pack, so that's 6 for a dollar. SIX FOR A DOLLAR.

Now here's the cool part: you can take those lovely wood-like things and make fabulous statement necklaces like THIS:

Or this!

This DIY is the perfect combination of "easy" and "infinitely customizable." Other than the wood-like designs, all you need are basic jewelry-making supplies: O-rings in various sizes, chain or cord, necklace clasps, and pliers. Also if you want to add some color, a little acrylic craft paint.

These embellishments are pretty enough to leave unpainted, though, like John did with his:

This Is The Hardest I've Laughed In Weeks, Omigosh

Last week John and I got to fix a ceiling fan in Apopka (the capacitor is now... fluxing), paint a house downtown, and start overhauling a cram-packed puppet room for some local entertainers down by Disney. (Eeeee!) 'Twas a good week, and I'm especially pumped about the puppet room. Because PUPPET ROOM, y'all.

Despite all that good stuff, I still find myself teetering. Any of you get like this? Where you feel like you're mostly OK, mostly functional, but only one slip away from falling into a deep hole of depression? I call that Teetering. It's walking the tightrope, holding your breath, and hanging on for dear life to any and everything that makes you smile.

Then yesterday I stumbled across Celina SpookyBoo on TikTok, and she not only made me smile, she made me straight-up GUFFAW for a solid 20 minutes. So heck yes I'm dropping it here, what kind of friend would I be to deprive you of this??

All you need to know is that Celina has some wild adventures in her sleep, and there are SO MANY more of these you need to watch, because they keep getting funnier:

@celinaspookyboo

Same intro but new clips!

♬ original sound - Celinaspookyboo

This isn't even close to her most popular video - they get way wilder -  but those cherries break me. every. dang. time.

Here's one more, where she bolts into the yard cackling while her poor hubby has to chase her down, bahaha:

@celinaspookyboo

This was taken from 2 hours of footage. Adam is a real trooper

♬ original sound - Celinaspookyboo

Head over to Celina's page and click on all the black-and-white preview pics for more sleepwalking - and in one memorable instance, sleep fighting a giant plush octopus. Be warned that a few have her cussing out houseplants(!!), so watch your volume if you have littles around.

Sleepwalking shenanigans aside, Celina is my new favorite person. I love her style, her attitude, her unbridled enthusiasm for tie-dying t-shirts in the snow and collecting actual hearses that she drives around town...  I think she's the real deal, gang. I also love that she's sharing all her adventures, no matter how embarrassing - like the one where she woke up naked in a hotel hallway - just to bring a little light and laughter to folks who need it. Folks like me.

So go, watch more of Celina's videos! You don't need a TikTok account to see them, at least not on your desktop. I hope they crack through any darkness around you, and remind you there's always light out here, if we just remember to look for it. <3

Oh hey, but before you go, let's pick some art winners from my last post:

The winner of the dragon coloring book is Lydia
The winner of the Ursula print set is WordWitch
And the winner of the Bianca print set is Elencello

Congrats, you three, and please e-mail me your mailing addresses!

*****

Edited to add: Oh wow, it's already February, isn't it? In that case, I also have some Squeegineer winners to announce! So congrats, Francine D. & Kim P., and please check your inboxes for John's e-mail, so you can choose your prizes.

Angler Fish Brooches, Potion Bottle Sun Catchers, & The Dark Crystal Bestiary

This month has been kind of a rocky start for 2021, so I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some HAPPY STUFF.

Lucky for us, I happen to have some happy stuff... right here:

Awww yeah.

Melissa Blair's stye hits all the right notes for me: bright bold colors, cute characters, plenty of cats...

It's just SO GOOD.

 Check out Melissa's Etsy Shop for prints, stickers, and note cards, and of course follow her on IG to see all the adorable holiday stuff she's done the past few months, because ermergersh.

*****

Some days you just have to stop and appreciate a good angler fish brooch, you know?

OH LOOK, I found one!

This beauty by Kweena Kreations even lights up:

Let's Get Serious About Celebrating Silly Stuff

Yesterday I did a little phone detox - I left my cellphone in the nightstand all day - and tried to embrace the silence and stillness when I wasn't working.

Then when that got too boring, I picked up a book.

It was a self-help book - too soon to say if I recommend it or not - and the first chapter was about the "discipline" of joy, a phrase that made my nose wrinkle. Twelve years of a panic disorder have taught me we can't make ourselves feel anything - not happy or calm or safe -  so I'm suspicious of things that seem to say otherwise. Emotions aren't a matter of sheer willpower, no matter how many times people tell you to "lighten up," "calm down," or "just be happy."

Fortunately that's not what the chapter was saying, though; instead it suggested adding more celebrations to our lives: scheduling things big or small that bring us joy, and then taking the time to really relish them. That's where the discipline comes in: instead of waiting around hoping to feel happy, you make a schedule of things that generally make you feel happy, and stick to it. Not just long-term celebrations to look forward to like holidays, but daily things. Little things. Like a music & dance break at noon, or a phone call with someone who lifts you up every Thursday night. It could be planning Disneybounds, a trip to Target, a game night with friends over Zoom, or making all your favorite meals for a week. The trick is to make them regularly scheduled.

This lines up with what what I've learned through CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Theory. In one exercise I kept a "pleasure log" of everything I did in a day, from making breakfast to scrolling Instagram. As soon as I was done, I'd rate each activity by how much I enjoyed it, and/or how much satisfaction it gave me. When I tried this I found I didn't like watching TV and scrolling online as much as I thought I did - but on the flip side, I learned I enjoy everyday tasks like making breakfast and vacuuming a lot more than I expected. They don't make me jump for joy or do a chair dance, of course, but they do give little hits of satisfaction, that kind of "ahhhh" feeling you get from placing the last puzzle piece.

CBT taught me to prioritize these "high satisfaction" tasks, but it stopped short of suggesting regular celebrations. I like that word. Celebration. According to Google, a celebration is "marking one's pleasure at an important event by engaging in enjoyable activity." So basically, an excuse to do fun stuff.

Hmm.

What if we decided more things were an excuse to do fun stuff? Could we do that?

Back in 2015 my friend Tony spent the entire year celebrating a different holiday every day. He called it The Celebrate! Project, and would make signs saying "Happy Chocolate Brownie Day" or whatever and literally go stand in the middle of a highway with it. Not only that, he'd do something special to fit each holiday's theme, often bringing along different friends to celebrate with him.

At the time most of us thought Tony was pretty out there with this project, but I dare you to look at these pictures and not feel a big ol' spark of joy:

Transform Your White Wire Shelving With This One Quick Trick!

John and I found an awesome solution for white wire shelving, gang - something I've never seen anyone use before, so I can't wait to show you!

Now, you've probably seen other DIYers cover white wire shelving with foam board, which is great for a linen closet:

(via The Frugal Homemaker)

For anything heavier than linens, though, foam board is fragile and easily dented. No way this would work in a pantry with heavy cans sliding around, for example.

Other crafters have covered their white wire shelving with actual wood, which is plenty durable, but also a huge job that requires power tools, sanding, staining, and the added expense of a decent grade wood.

(via Crazy Life With Littles)

I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of energy or patience to spend on a closet.

Then a few months ago, as John and I were re-doing a pantry for a friend, we discovered the best of both worlds: something as durable as wood, almost as cheap as foam board, and easier to install than either.

Ready to see?

Ta-daaaaa!

 These new shelf covers are a thick durable plastic - so no more wobbly containers or sticky rust stains on your stuff - and they look like solid laminate! Best of all, this whole transformation took us less than 2 hours, and cost about $22 - with enough material left over to do another closet.

Here's the secret, and how easy it is to install:

Quick Craft: Make This Jaw-Dropping Rainbow Butterfly Wreath For Less Than $15!

This may be the easiest Quick Craft I've ever done, y'all. If you can stick magnets on a fridge, then this is right up your skill set alley, baby. OH YEAH. Plus it only takes about 20 minutes, so it's a nice way to ease back into crafting if you haven't felt motivated in a while.

All you need is this $11 set of butterfly magnets from Amazon:

[UPDATE: Whoops, y'all bought them all! But never fear, here's a similar magnetic set for about the same price.]

Which comes packaged like this:

And then a $1 metal wreath form from Dollar Tree:

The most important thing here is to hang your wreath form where you plan to display it FIRST. Don't try to stick the butterflies on and then hang it, because they could slide around and/or fall off. You also don't want to use this on a door, unless you plan to add some hot glue to the magnets. Otherwise one good slam and it could be raining butterflies. :D

Once your wreath form is hung on the wall - or in our case, over a window curtain - start by placing one large butterfly of each color around the wreath to help with your spacing:

There are 84 butterflies total, and they come with the magnets already attached on their plastic bodies.

Now just keep filling in by color:

The magnets are strong enough to handle a little jostling, so you can slide them around or rotate them to help you cram in more butterflies. Bend the wings up at varying angles as you go, and start with the largest sizes first. I didn't use all 84, but it was close!

Ready to see the finished wreath in better light?

Baby Thor, Haunted Mansion Minis, & The Basement Of Every Trekkie/Whovian's Dreams

I don't know about you, but I've been leaning HARD on my favorite creators and fan pages lately to save me from doom scrolling. I've joined more fan groups on Facebook, watched a lot of Rachel Maksy on Youtube, and even convinced John to join me on TikTok, where we obsess over synchronized roller skating and sea shanties. Oh yeah. Gimmie all that beautiful randomness.

Sure, it's the ostrich approach to dealing with... ::gestures vaguely:: ... but at this point I've determined every non-destructive coping mechanism is valid. A better time is coming, we just have to hang on 'til it gets here.

So in that spirit, and for my fellow ostriches, here come some of my favorite finds and follows to interrupt YOUR doom scrolling.

*****

As always, The Replica Prop Forum is THE page to follow if you like anything geeky. It's a smorgasbord of smiles, like this: 

 Speak softly and carry a big hammer. Also wear a cape. Unless Edna Mode is around.

The RPF is also where I found Todd Pineapple Spann, who's been building something incredible in his basement for over 2 years. I've been eagerly waiting for him to finish so I could show you all, and happily for all of us, this week it's finally done!

Behold!

It's 8 minutes long, but you keep seeing new stuff the whole way through, I promise. Plus time flies when you're drooling on the keyboard. :p This was just the mini vacation from reality I needed when it came out earlier this week. Dang.

Also to whom it may concern:

Todd, I don't know you, but with this crowd that basement will at LEAST get you a first date.

*****

You know those things from your childhood that always makes you smile? For me one of those are the original Care Bears illustrations. I can't get enough of that pastel 80s style art. So last week I joined the Care Bears Forever in the Kingdom Of Caring group on FB to get pretties like this in my feed:

EEEEE! It's just so darn cute.

The group also posts toys for sale or trade, which can be a nice trip down memory lane. In fact I've joined a couple of toy groups, both for the nostalgia and to see peoples' collection photos, which are super addicting. Some give me great display ideas, too:

New Build! Kids' Closet Overhaul With Built-In Reading Nook

A couple months back John redid a closet for a local reader, Nicole - or more specifically for her daughter Friday. He did a fully customized design that includes a cozy little reading nook, so I thought you'd like to see!

Here's the Before:

This is a pretty typical bedroom closet, with just one high shelf and a hanging bar. As you can see there's all KINDS of potential space in there, though, especially since Friday doesn't have many clothes to hang.


After we visited to take detailed measurements and get a wish list from Nicole, John drew up this blueprint:

You can see the closet space extends beyond the wall opening on either side, so there's quite a bit of hidden storage, especially on the right side beyond the hamper. (You have to remove the hamper to access it, so those three shelves are for slightly more long-term storage.

John built and painted everything at home, and was so dang fast this is the only process shot I got:

He made everything from MDF, which he then painted white.

Next John rented a truck to get it all to Nicole's, where the install only took a few hours. First he removed the old shelf and bar:

Then he slid all his pre-made pieces into place, screwed it all together, and anchored it to the walls:

That 2020 Hangover Though

Real life will be intruding on today's post. If you've got enough of your own real life at the moment, best skip this one.

I've been sleeping all day again, and restless all night. Some of it is a little nerve damage in my neck and arms I'm struggling with, but mostly it's :;gestures vaguely:: all this. You know? I've lived and worked online for over 12 years now, and it's given me light, love, community - but lately my time there leaves me distracted, listless, vaguely anxious. Even with the political stuff here in the U.S. starting to cool, I'm just... unsettled.

It helps that my routine is getting back to normal; no more holiday breaks from therapy or weekly check-ins with friends. Those gaps over the past 2 weeks were vital missing jenga pieces in my tenous Keep It Together Tower, and largely why I posted so much here. I think I needed to check in with you bots as much as I hoped to be a little check-in for you. Plus, you know, fun Christmas stuff. :) (I still didn't fit it all in. Next year I've got to start sooner, ha.)

We're leaving the trees and decorations up a bit longer this month, because the twinkle of colorful lights makes the nights seem friendlier.

Covid is so bad here in Florida that we've had to stop the Project:Epbot job we've been working on. Even with all parties masked, our friends are so high-risk that they've had to lock down completely, which I understand and agree with, though it still makes me sad. I miss the work. I miss doing something tangibly helpful in this time of feeling so helpless.

On the other extreme, we have friends who've abandoned distancing and who we have to keep saying no to. We have John's high-risk mom who won't wear a mask, but who makes us feel terrible for not spending time with her. Everywhere we turn there's this tension of trying to love people the best way we can, weighing the risks, and sometimes risking relationships with the very people we're trying to do right by.

It's draining. 

And 10 hours of sleep just isn't filling me up.

My reaction to stress and conflict has always been the same: I retreat. I shut down. I get quiet to the point of going catatonic. I think I just have to hide for a while to recharge.

At the best of times I dislike phone conversations. I can't see your face, how am I supposed to know what you mean? How do I know you're listening? What if I can't hear you because the connection is bad but then you keep going so I can't ask you to repeat yourself and now I have to fake knowing what those missing words were and figure out some ambivalent response? Aaaaaarg. It's all so dang stressful.

So here I am writing this post instead of returning 4 phone calls from well-meaning monsters who love me but who also don't text. Heh. I don't want to talk, not out loud. I don't want to exchange pleasantries or fake the smile in my voice. But I also don't want to be real and tell them how much I'm struggling to find a reason to get dressed. I just want to sit here in my quiet, darkened living room, with the twinkly Christmas tree on, pick at the jigsaw puzzle on the coffee table, and not feel anything for a while.

Yep. I think I'll hide a little while longer. Try to heal up.

And hey, you there, still in your jammies, nodding your head in that "omigosh, ME, TOO" way: you're welcome to join me. We have Movie Night in two hours over on the Epbot Discord, and we're watching Ratatouille. (Or if you miss that, there's a second showing Sunday afternoon.) No talking or daytime clothes required; let's just watch a movie, post silly gifs, and heal up together.

I love you, by the way. Thank you for loving me. Thanks for being here when I post too much and when I don't post at all. Thanks for being there for each other. This community keeps me going even while I watch from the sidelines, and your posts and comments mean more than you'll ever know, to people you'll never meet.

Here's to sweet silence and soft twinkle lights and healing up from the scars of 2020.

Buckle Up, Kids, We're Making A Meat House

So here's how my Monday night went:

You'll be happy to know approximately 97% of you voted for laughy face, and only 3% gave me the judgy eyebrow. See, I knew you were my people.

I find that the best way to begin any major undertaking is by cheating. And then using hummus for glue.

The crackers we were using didn't cut well, though, so how to cover those gaping ends?

Well, with MEAT FLAPS, of course.

Flappy flappy flappy.

I should note that John and I were randomly breaking into song during this process, and I bet you can already guess what we were singing.

Oh yeah.

Night Of A Million Lights At Give Kids The World

As part of our extended Christmas celebrating, last week John and I and our friend Karen went to "Night of a Million Lights" at Give Kids the World here in Orlando. (Imagine the old Osborne Lights from Disney, except spread out over a much larger area.)

Naturally, we did our best to dress for the occasion.

:D

The GKTW village includes an entire residential neighborhood, usually filled with the families of the kids visiting. With Covid it's all been shut down, of course, so they decided to deck out the empty houses for this fundraising event. I can't imagine they'll ever be able to do this again, so I'm so glad John insisted we buy tickets.

Because this was much, MUCH more than just a decorated neighborhood:

In addition to the residential houses, there are big theaters, restaurants, accessible rides, a carousel, and even a castle on property. Everything is donated and built by volunteers, but you can tell most are professional theme park folks. This place seriously rivals Disney!

Total Main Street vibes, right? This is the Wishing Tree; you hit the button and a little magic happens - I'll show you soon.

Each house's lights were sponsored by a local company. Most just put a sign out front, but a few - like this one from Ripley's Believe It Or Not - swam the extra mile:

Sometimes I'll write a pun so groan-worthy that John will get out of his chair, walk across the house, and give me a fist-bump. "Bigger bow" was one of those puns. Ah thank you verramuch.

I couldn't find this .gif on Instagram, so you get it here:

This tree was one of my favorite things there - wait 'til you see it in action, hnnng.