tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post8115618428603988159..comments2024-03-27T03:15:55.367-04:00Comments on EPBOT: After Reading 2 Books On Perfectionism, Here Are My Top Fourteen Take-AwaysJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11888187687405622408noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-59213413864717371542020-10-05T19:01:13.782-04:002020-10-05T19:01:13.782-04:00So reading this made me think of this parenting bo...So reading this made me think of this parenting book that's based on science, "Nurture Shock, New Thinking About Children." The first chapter goes into praise and how most parents are doing it wrong. That we need to switch from praising the end result and instead praise the process at which you get there. The whole book is super interesting (I think even if you don't have kids). They did an article that is basically what the first chapter of the book is about, it's an interesting read.<br /><br />"How Not to Talk to Your Kids"<br />By Po Bronson:<br />https://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ WintarRozehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12912912220458938316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-45594884308153377592020-10-05T11:51:12.868-04:002020-10-05T11:51:12.868-04:00Adam Savage (formerly of Mythbusters) said somethi...Adam Savage (formerly of Mythbusters) said something the other day that I found super helpful with the "but what if I mess up?" paralysis. He was asked what to tell kids who are getting started in STEM/STEAM and he said "Everything is an iteration. Always expect that you will need to make or do something at least twice, but maybe many, many more times before it is what you want."<br /><br />So I'm starting that sewing project expecting it to be a mock-up full of changes, rather than expecting/hoping I get it right the first time out.Margothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03888005312548604414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-72387674315337373592020-10-04T09:12:57.225-04:002020-10-04T09:12:57.225-04:00"Choose experience" - I turned down a jo..."Choose experience" - I turned down a job offer - for a job I was excited to apply for - bc when I was hired I immediately started thinking I'd screw up & that it really wasn't good for me even though initially I thought it was. Intuition or fear of failure? Hard not to beat myself up for stuff like that.Miss Dizzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03097339555185153610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-85872035002086060802020-10-03T19:59:16.092-04:002020-10-03T19:59:16.092-04:00I'm not a fan of FB, but the quote "Perfe...I'm not a fan of FB, but the quote "Perfect is the enemy of done" really resonates with me. I think about it whenever I try to justify not doing something - sending out that email, doing a craft, sharing photos. Just do the thing and be done. Then it can stop taking up head space and I can move on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-21137888554653041872020-10-03T08:04:37.456-04:002020-10-03T08:04:37.456-04:00I really appreciate the replacing of "should&...I really appreciate the replacing of "should" with "could". Just from reading that practice created a noticeable shift in my thinking. I've been so stuck trudging through grad school and graduation /future career is on the horizon, I barely feel motivated nowadays. I'm definitely going to try that thought process when I'm feeling particularly unmotivated. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope you continue seeing more and more progress with your journey!Chelseahttps://chellbellcraft.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-10029847324693120632020-10-02T13:03:46.876-04:002020-10-02T13:03:46.876-04:00Ooh, I found the printable! Howard Thurman quote: ...Ooh, I found the printable! Howard Thurman quote: http://www.donteatthepaste.com/2012/12/what-world-needs-printable-quote.htmlSaralukieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14105210194576370991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-78187776112413043212020-10-02T13:02:38.368-04:002020-10-02T13:02:38.368-04:00Good stuff. I am a lifelong perfectionist who is r...Good stuff. I am a lifelong perfectionist who is raising a daughter with anxiety and, if it is possible, even more of a perfectionist streak. I'm going to send her this, and hopefully she will read it and identify that she is not alone. I really like the stuff from the first book, feels practical and helpful in a way I didn't realize I needed. I mean, I've written three books, and the only people who have read them have been my immediate family, because, well, what if they're bad? I really need to get over myself, and accept that "completed" is also good. <br /><br />Oh, and that Howard Thurman quote showed up on a free printable a number of years ago, and I framed it. It is great, and a great reminder that we can all contribute to our world. Saralukieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14105210194576370991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-86086935418093374122020-10-01T17:25:24.137-04:002020-10-01T17:25:24.137-04:00I cannot express how much I needed some of these w...I cannot express how much I needed some of these words today. So all I can say is simply, Thank you.Anita Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11219470762561736077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-37864957542270211132020-10-01T17:16:35.950-04:002020-10-01T17:16:35.950-04:00ARE YOU ME?
*looks at my unsent work resume I'...ARE YOU ME?<br />*looks at my unsent work resume I've been "working on" for 10 YeArS*<br />*looks back at post*<br />Oof!I LOVE STICKERShttp://www.michaels.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-48276335869612363212020-10-01T15:32:31.697-04:002020-10-01T15:32:31.697-04:00I just... I mean....yowza....
I just... I mean....yowza....<br /><br />Mandee Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05435596509119636434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-24917881892777063602020-10-01T15:17:54.453-04:002020-10-01T15:17:54.453-04:00Howdy! Do you know this book?
https://www.amazon.c...Howdy! Do you know this book?<br />https://www.amazon.com/Bird-Some-Instructions-Writing-Life/dp/0385480016<br />It's a great perspective on life and perfection...<br />Cheers!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-73686345848626846232020-10-01T14:13:36.049-04:002020-10-01T14:13:36.049-04:00I *really* wanted to pursue my MFA, but was sure I...I *really* wanted to pursue my MFA, but was sure I'd muck it up somehow, or that I would wish I'd gotten a different degree, so I told people I was going to pay off my BA first and I've just never gone back to get that Master's. I've never told anyone that before. Not sure I'd even admitted it to myself. That's something for me to ruminate on...Bébhinn Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05881842396612751666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-69793853467743275212020-10-01T12:57:34.774-04:002020-10-01T12:57:34.774-04:00So I learned a tip from a friend of mine when I ho...So I learned a tip from a friend of mine when I hold onto something to make it "just right". He would say, "okay you have until tomorrow at noon (or whatever time you pick). Stress over it, overthink it, re-do it 100 times if you want, but at 12:00 it is getting sent off." And it really helped me to have a deadline on stuff I kept trying to perfect because I would reread it 1000 times but when I said it would be sent, it goes. Mainly because I know it's great, but I get too afraid and want to do something "just one more time" before I send it off and next thing you know it's 3 weeks later. And these are not deadlines to finish something, it's a deadline to stress over something. Sometimes our deadlines would be 5 minutes, sometimes a week, depending on the project, but it really helped me just let things go. And it seemed so silly at first, but now when I catch myself stressing over something that isn't "perfect" I'll give myself a deadline, and it really has been a game changer. cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17564308228186619644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-76221188383473515222020-10-01T09:59:14.685-04:002020-10-01T09:59:14.685-04:00This video has a really good, easy to implement pl...This video has a really good, easy to implement plan of how to get passed the "if i can't do it all the way, why do it at all" mentality. There are charts and things that us reformed perfectionist love.<br />I am not affiliated with this video or entity and this isn't a paid endorsement. I just like it and found it helpful.<br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUAB-BW-gZ8&list=PLg142YZjxy2OVdqMlDT9BAkRLSOza3b_l&index=12Nikihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10579637769499759898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-27835997719747022142020-10-01T09:52:09.737-04:002020-10-01T09:52:09.737-04:00As a reformed perfectionist ("gifted" ch...As a reformed perfectionist ("gifted" child - whatever the heck that means - praised for accomplishments, so learned to crave them) my go-to mantra is "Perfection is a myth, but excellence is attainable."<br />It was hard for me to completely let go of the idea that i should do my best all of the time. <br />Taking ANY step to break the inertia is a good step. Action is the right answer!<br /> But after a little while, action without striving to be great felt aimless to me. The key was to redefine "great" for myself. "Great" used to mean the very bestiest best that has ever bested. "Great" now means "striving for excellence" which incorporates action into the definition. Some days excellence is taking a shower and putting on clean clothes, so trying to get that done is "great".<br /> This definition change allows for a spectrum of results: cleaning out my closet and color coding the clothes is "great" but so is having a bowl of cereal for dinner instead of Doordashing again.<br />We may not be able to completely change how we are hardwired, but we can control our perception of it. Nikihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10579637769499759898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-33435754034049226592020-09-30T19:45:28.263-04:002020-09-30T19:45:28.263-04:00I've been a perfectionist my entire life. I th...I've been a perfectionist my entire life. I think one of the best things I ever did was start doing ceramics (specifically working on the potter's wheel) years ago. I specifically chose something I knew I would be bad at for a while so that I could have the experience of forced imperfection. The best thing about pottery is that mistakes are recyclable (last night I crumbled up a cracked piece and rehydrated the clay to make something new). I am still learning and growing and constantly remind myself of the advice of one of my teachers, "Perfect is boring."<br />Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02717418268561064055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-2011392208064330722020-09-30T13:50:48.685-04:002020-09-30T13:50:48.685-04:00Damn. I recognize myself in this post. From my wor...Damn. I recognize myself in this post. From my workdays (wfh is flexible and I admit to taking advantage of that more than I prolly should) to my costuming and crafting to my struggles with my weight, my relationship with food and my constant fighting myself at the gym. My BF keeps telling me that it matters that I did the thing, and not to worry about doing it perfectly. <br /><br />I recently rediscovered a few costumes I'd been working on plus some accessories and the like in a random value village stop (I swear this thing was like the VV of requirement LOL - we didn't plan to stop but myself and a friend both found the perfect things there and I swear if we go back it'll be gone 😂😂😂) so fingers crossed I can finally finish my Anastasia yellow gown and my 1860s style Belle 💖💖💖Tilburinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06569180563831079937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-38888050341698417782020-09-30T13:03:50.705-04:002020-09-30T13:03:50.705-04:00Thank you for this! I am working on using these to...Thank you for this! I am working on using these tools I've learned from co-workers, counselors, and books. Your sharing about Perfectionism as a form of fear has been in my mind constantly.<br /><br />I am a perfectionist, the first born in a large family. There are lots of things I don't do well, or am perfectly terrible at, and I focused on those for so long. I have thought my perfectionist accomplishments were a good thing, like a 4.0 through college. I was devastated when I lost that status my senior year. I learned a lot that term.<br /><br />I really appreciate the mindset changes that can come with language shifts, so amazingly powerful. Don't should on yourself :)<br /><br />Perfectionism has been a huge part of how I've let me body and health diminish. It is time to put these strategies into place and keep on the path, the progress.<br /><br />Henniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13619441212339613269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-10677972955433036872020-09-30T10:17:06.728-04:002020-09-30T10:17:06.728-04:00I'm reminded by the song Do The Thing by How T...I'm reminded by the song Do The Thing by How To ADHD on YouTube. Sometimes intentionally doing a bad/mediocre/imperfect attempt is a good way to get over the hurdle of starting to attempt something. Going in with the intention to, say, do a childlike drawing can make the thing less daunting. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-28083693717403348962020-09-30T10:13:20.404-04:002020-09-30T10:13:20.404-04:00This took so long for me to read because I kept ha...This took so long for me to read because I kept having to stop and reevaluate parts of my life, past events where I've been held back by my own fears. Definitely have some life paralysis where I catastrophise the consequences of potential failure. On a smaller scale, perfectionism is why I rarely pick up my saxophone these days: I know learning to improvise and play by ear can only be learned through practice but every wrong note feels like an attack on me as a person. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-35545680413412372642020-09-30T09:50:25.010-04:002020-09-30T09:50:25.010-04:00Navojo weaving. Bought books. Took a class. have a...Navojo weaving. Bought books. Took a class. have a loom. Have the yarn. Terrified because I watched a 90yr old weave at a Trading Post and now I can't start. Mind you I am a costume designer, tatter, cross stitch, bead and make masks. Samhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08156616364193925933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-87028806439765270922020-09-30T09:49:09.321-04:002020-09-30T09:49:09.321-04:00I'm so happy you're discovering how helpfu...I'm so happy you're discovering how helpful CBT and ACT is in dealing with anxiety. I've been working with both of those techniques for years (more in waves), and it's making a big difference for me.<br /><br />I am a perfectionist. If I get overwhelmed with something as simple as cleaning the house, and I don't think I'll do it good enough or I try to do all the things all at the same time, I stop and hide away and avoid. Which is not good. That happens with new things, or wanting to do things that I used to do well and can't do as well anymore.<br /><br />Self-soothing and self-compassion are both really helping me too.<br /><br />https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Compassion<br /><br />It's hard not to self-sabotage when you think you're going to screw things up. And the last few years I've risked by marriage by putting everything but me as top priority.... thankfully things are better and I'm still working on making me more of a priority, but it's been a rough few years.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing these book reviews, and for sharing your thoughts and experiences.Dawnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316087318679995050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-69372448682470741052020-09-30T09:27:02.609-04:002020-09-30T09:27:02.609-04:00Same! I guess I never really considered what my c...Same! I guess I never really considered what my craft supply "hoarding" was. It makes total sense now. Rosebudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05785751384371905874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-87583397627385415532020-09-30T08:51:01.423-04:002020-09-30T08:51:01.423-04:00Before Lent one year, I decided to fast perfection...Before Lent one year, I decided to fast perfectionism. Yes, I did. That small act freed me to work at my creativity more freely. Here I am 25 years later with my perfectionistic tendencies still flowing through my veins, but I give myself permission to allow the last few must-it-get-exactly-so-thoughts sit on a shelf. Thank you for this beautiful reminder that we are all being refined and honed on our life journey.mombleeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01368988700886312754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-44583909960334429222020-09-30T06:18:34.153-04:002020-09-30T06:18:34.153-04:00Hooboy, yeah, all of that resonates hard. "If...Hooboy, yeah, all of that resonates hard. "If it's not perfect, it's not worth it" has been in my head for a long time. And I've had The Gifts of Imperfection on my kindle for ages, it's about time I dove in. I read Brene Brown's "Dare to Lead" and that had some moments that almost felt like a gut punch because they were so familiar to me.pinkundinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04994450142485371131noreply@blogger.com