tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post3337349305419728508..comments2024-03-14T03:43:02.583-04:00Comments on EPBOT: I Am SOOO Over-Thinking This... Right?Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11888187687405622408noreply@blogger.comBlogger154125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-75670475741584603082016-12-05T15:11:19.141-05:002016-12-05T15:11:19.141-05:00I totally get this feeling and love all the advice...I totally get this feeling and love all the advice about being selective with the people in your circle; however, I am nagged by the fear that I might be insulating myself too much if I do this. Do you think that it's "living in the bubble?" Part of me is also concerned that this is how we get so fractured as a society, by avoiding "others." I know I need to be centered and calm to be able to handle (or challenge) a rude, judgmental person... I guess it's a balance. Does that make any sense?Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17615309043305951942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-2951358830858252222016-11-28T10:50:08.381-05:002016-11-28T10:50:08.381-05:00Also, I love FoE, Epbot and Cake Wrecks so much!Also, I love FoE, Epbot and Cake Wrecks so much!Rhonanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-18970006461110969742016-11-28T10:49:19.227-05:002016-11-28T10:49:19.227-05:00This poem always makes me feel less alone when I&#...This poem always makes me feel less alone when I'm lying in bed at silly o'clock in the morning, worrying about ridiculously stupid, embarassing or petty things I did five/ten/twenty years ago because it reminds me that everyone else does the same thing. Almost always I wake up the next morning and realise that everything I was worrying about is not the big deal it felt like at that moment and wonder why I've tortured myself for nothing. <br /><br />Things by Fleur Adcock<br /><br />There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.<br /><br />There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,<br /><br />committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things<br /><br />than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.<br /><br />It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in<br /><br />and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse<br /><br />and worse.<br /><br />Rhonanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-43208968802641347982016-11-24T16:02:03.817-05:002016-11-24T16:02:03.817-05:00You matter. I've found help, support, and unde...You matter. I've found help, support, and understanding from the words written on Epbot, Cake Wrecks, and the FoE page. Thank you. tarichuckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01755377081017838404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-76156167910943813002016-11-22T19:22:13.471-05:002016-11-22T19:22:13.471-05:00So I'm late to the game, but my anxiety brain ...So I'm late to the game, but my anxiety brain does the same thing too. Whenever I try falling asleep, anxiety brains comes and runs amok. I try to get away, "BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!" What I've been doing lately with a lot of success is taking a low dose of Melatonin, which will naturally get me to sleep, but won't knock me out. So there's still those 20 minutes after I lay down where anxiety brain goes, "Remember? They all hate you. You're not good enough." My new trick is putting on my Sleep Pandora station and focusing on the words to the songs. I do get side tracked, anxiety brain is a hard competitor, but as soon as I fade away, I snap right back to those words. It has helped me immensely, I can't even tell you. When anxiety brain happens during the day I either pick up a book I LOVE (my original Harry Potter has seen SUCH better days), or I stick headphones on and BLAST music, preferably something I can sing to. If I can't sing at the moment, I focus on those words again. Telling anxiety brain that there's better stuff to do and focus on, is super hard, but definitely worth trying.JHaweshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01062384329738580487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-41303296584306650872016-11-22T09:33:58.054-05:002016-11-22T09:33:58.054-05:00I telecommute for part of the year... I try to dow...I telecommute for part of the year... I try to downplay that I do when I'm working on site because do I get a bit of flak- because somehow, if you work from home, you aren't really working? Even though you're doing the same things you do while on site, just calling into meetings, rather than being in the room... Strange, isn't it?<br />I'd also like to thank you again for being so open, and for sharing so much with all of us. I don't think I could muster the courage to put myself out there the way you have. And your posts are thoughtful, compassionate, graceful, loving - a reflection of the classy lady you are. I admire you, your relationship with your husband and family, your strength and your huge heart. Oh, and also your creativity and your immense humor. I am forever your fan!Epbot Fanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09032834473130279248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-63544537623843548282016-11-21T18:59:44.859-05:002016-11-21T18:59:44.859-05:00For what it's worth, I have a "standard c...For what it's worth, I have a "standard career" job that just happens to be home-office based (work for a big company, we mostly work from home offices) and even though I routinely work 50+ hours/week and I manage a team of 16 people, the perception is that I don't work. Family and friends just don't get it. It's like they cannot fathom "work" without a commute. So I always get crap from people about how I don't *really* work or they ask me to do stuff for them mid-day because I don't have to work like they do. All this to say: basically, very few people understand the work-from-home situation. I find that most people just cannot comprehend it and those who can tend to be a little jealous so overall everyone acts aloof. Whatever people say about you "not working" just let it fall right out of your ear. Don't linger, it's never worth it to let it irritate you.<br /><br />Also, because I love you and everything that you do I hope that you can get some help with your people-pleasing tendencies. That stuff will drive you crazy! My husband is like that, too, and we've worked so hard over the years to help him let stuff go. Basically, what works for us is that I am the Ultimate Authority - so whatever I say, goes. So he will come to me and say "Ok, I can't stop thinking about this thing that my mom said..." and I listen and give advice (usually something like "ok, well she shouldn't have said it that way, I know that she didn't mean it like that. So stop worrying about it.") and then I give the command to STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. It actually helps, for as stupid as it sounds. But since I'm The Boss, I get to say "stop worrying" and it somehow helps a bit because he can see that if I'm not freaking out about something, then he doesn't need to worry either. And a lot of times when it's on a loop in his head, he'll come back to me and ask me to repeat it again - remind him to let it go. It may not work for everyone, but if you can find some sort of Authority (maybe a sign or a bracelet or a tattoo or your husband) who can tell you to let it go and take on some of that mental anguish, you'll feel so much better.<br /><br />You ARE good enough, you ARE strong enough, you ARE smart enough, you ARE funny enough, you ARE nice enough. giddy girliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10853784493500255790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-3797598955051943712016-11-21T13:02:12.814-05:002016-11-21T13:02:12.814-05:00shade here replying (I don't know why it doesn...shade here replying (I don't know why it doesn't know me this time).<br /><br />Ottawa is boring. There are many articles on the subject and if you want to read them, please go ahead and google "why Ottawa is boring". Here is one: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/05/24/most-boring-city-canada-ottawa_n_3333161.html<br /><br />The only people who like living in Ottawa are people who grew up in the country (so a place even more boring) or those who have young children (so are too exhausted/busy to go out and do things - and also like everything to be geared towards said young children).<br /><br />Funny note: I was talking to my husband who was born and raised in Ottawa about this blog post and it turns out that he has no idea what beaver tails are. I thought that was priceless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-27766171565195680952016-11-20T23:52:25.716-05:002016-11-20T23:52:25.716-05:00MIB,
Thank you for understanding. Now I wasn'...MIB,<br /><br />Thank you for understanding. Now I wasn't the smartest and my grades showed it but I was involved in service organizations like Rainbow for Girls and I didn't swear, drink or run around. I wanted to go to college (I did and graduated eventually), get married and have a family. What was so embarrassing about that? I've been through therapy and deal with depression. My Mom always said that she treated us children (I have two sisters and a brother) equally but as I've gotten older I see quite a few discrepancies. So as I stated earlier, I try to remember one and two. It helps. Hope your own journey to wellness and wholeness goes smoothly for you.<br /><br />MaureenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-20511789284845476642016-11-20T22:10:25.128-05:002016-11-20T22:10:25.128-05:00Before I even read any other comments: I came to C...Before I even read any other comments: I came to CakeWrecks many moons ago, after reading a few pages from your first book at work (a now-defunct, awesome bookstore), and almost getting reprimanded because I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD BELLY LAUGHS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE!! Ahem. So I had been following CW for who knows how long, when I stumbled on the Epbot button. <br /><br />This was instantly like meeting a cousin or good friend I didn't know I already had! Because I too, had gone through anxiety, depression, and deep feelings of inadequacy. (like, the Pacific, deep.) And I love(d) your sense of humor. Fortunately for me, or we wouldn't be having this kinda-conversation, I reached out for help, and got counseling. Two years later, I was a functioning human being again. Three years out, and I'm working independently, and doing what I can to help others.<br /><br />My points are; you are helping others, now, whether you know it or not, because you are so honest and up-front about your flaws and difficulties. We all have them; but it's the people who take the time to share them who can make the most difference in others' perspectives, and ultimately, lives. This may sound a bit over-the-top, but think about Anne Frank. She wrote about ordinary things that touched her small, insular life, and reflected on how they each had to try to move beyond being petty, or mean, because she knew each day is a gift!<br /><br />Counseling helps, when you have the right person, walking through your head, and really getting you, wanting you to move forward and get past the crud that bogs you down. Some may say it's not for everyone. Maybe. But the wonders it can do!<br /><br />Perspective: it's so darn hard to get perspective when we get wrapped up in ourselves, our "littleness" and inadequacy. Have you ever read the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"? It's a little self-help book (and isn't that term a turn-off!), very unassuming, that has sold who knows how many copies, and has been translated into 30 languages. I bring it up, because that book actually helped change my life, turning my attitudes slowly around. I found it after my husband left in 2000. I read it again after my cancer diagnosis in 2009. Whether you read the book or not, the message is simple: whatever you are fussing over, mentally or out loud, is it really all that important? Will it bring about world peace? Probably not. Will it end it gory horrible deaths for thousands? Let's hope not! Any way, I offer this title as something that helped me. Because I was, and still am, a people-pleaser. Now I try to do things to make ME feel good, and hope they make other people feel good, too.(Maybe, since you are a dedicated Disney geek, you'd prefer "let it go". :-)<br /><br />Anyway, with all this, I just want you to know, the ones who don't appreciate you don't have to matter in your life. Pick the ones that understand and love you. If the others don't, relatives or not, that is their problem. Not yours. Amd any of us love you,: your uniqueness, your Jen-ness! Keep being you, and don't worry about people who don't get it, or you. Their loss entirely, m'dear!<br /><br />K, take care, and remember to reach out when you need to. Hugs! CJ<br /><br /><br /><br />CJ Sylvannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-2453488379876814722016-11-20T13:12:41.983-05:002016-11-20T13:12:41.983-05:00Sooooo many comments so as the one above said, sor...Sooooo many comments so as the one above said, sorry if this is redundant but this is BIG. Feels horrible right now but it will, hopefully be liberating for you, if a little saddening. Family comes with the territory and cannot be entirely avoided or disregarded but as you get older these realisations often come or are thrust upon us. Its sad, very sad that those people we would like to love and approve of us just because we are family actually dont. In return, do you love and approve of them? I think people are really lucky if they are able to maintain adult relationships with their family long term. Lives and paths diverge and if you are from different generations and follow different interests, have different lives, its unlikely and actually unreasonable to expect to be able to continue with those nice simplistic family relationships we had when we were younger. You are getting better, getting stronger and your horizons are widening which is enabling you to see (or be told) about things that would previously have been untenable. It is a good thing. A sad thing, true and yes, you have been overdoing it and you need your legs slapped, but the meds are clearing your brain and letting you think and analyse to a depth you haven't before been able. Overthinking? That's a toughie. I still am in denial about the concept of overthinking but I have to acknowledge that sometimes you have to put things down and say "enough for now", especially when you don't have enough data to actually make the analysis move forward. You are amazing, you are growing, you are making progress. Whatever anyone else says or thinks that is all we can ask of one another, whatever our relationships. Being a people pleaser is tough, I can't speak from experience of that but friends, my sister and one of my daughter's are. They have strategies for not allowing other people's opinions impact too severely on their own self esteem. I wish for you that you will learn these too. Even though it turns out Robin Williams was ill, one of the saddest things I felt about his death was that I was so sad that he was unable to benefit from the joy he gave the world. I know that is an extreme thought but you are a good and worthy person Jen. Please try and work out ways of not allowing other people to steal or undermine the joy you give the rest of us. Love and hugs and anything else that will help. xMo's Stashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07526828380163196873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-87013080891352554502016-11-20T11:04:40.164-05:002016-11-20T11:04:40.164-05:00As someone who has lived decades as a people pleas...As someone who has lived decades as a people pleaser, and a fellow sufferer of an anxiety disorder...remember....<br /><br />You are a people! So make sure to people-please yourself!<br /><br />I think it's helpful to think of yourself as your very best friend. If your friend were feeling down, what would you say? What would you do? Can you say and do those things for yourself? You owe it to yourself to be kind to you. Sometimes the most non-judgmental people are extremely judgmental of themselves. Why is that? If we don't expect perfection from anyone else, why do we expect it of ourselves?<br /><br />Be kind to you, baby. "God damn it," Kurt Vonnegut wrote, "you've got to be kind."Theresa Venettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03002501396772295084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-75106482440504492016-11-20T09:39:11.823-05:002016-11-20T09:39:11.823-05:00I feel you, Maureen. For years I was hurt that my ...I feel you, Maureen. For years I was hurt that my mom clearly favored my sister, even though she snuck out of the house, drank, and had sketchy friends in high school (think, stealing cars and going joyriding), whereas I never did anything remotely like that (was a good student, was friends with good students, never drank or did drugs). It took me a long time to really internalize that the problem isn’t with me. Of course, that was after some self-harm and a therapist who told me when I was 18 that if I didn't stop trying to please my parents, I'd have a stomach ulcer by the time I was 25.MIBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09573931442905994264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-38455224030361866802016-11-20T00:43:02.773-05:002016-11-20T00:43:02.773-05:00I've only visited twice in my life - once as a...I've only visited twice in my life - once as an adult - and I love it there. When I went last time it was just for a few days for a conference, and I only had time to scratch the surface of the city. I can't wait to go back sometime, and not just for the beaver tails, which are amazing. :) MichelleHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15620214611586302175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-85548342309608905362016-11-19T21:29:46.624-05:002016-11-19T21:29:46.624-05:00Sorry to be redundant, but I don't have time t...Sorry to be redundant, but I don't have time to read all the lovely comments. But I want to say this: Fans of Epbot is the only reason I haven't completely left Facebook. Yours is one of a very few blogs I still read. <br />If you're not reading Brene Brown, or listening to her books on Audible, or checking out her podcasts, please do. She's gradually helping me remember that I am enough, whatever anyone else says. And you're right, the ones who love us can make us feel the most crappy. But Jen, you are enough! and you and John are amazing. And anyone else who says anything different should not be listened to. (As a person with anxiety, I do know how hard that is...but I'm learning.)RevAnnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517879408823780530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-66653592477945007652016-11-19T21:10:48.813-05:002016-11-19T21:10:48.813-05:00Ottawa is a great city - only boring if you ARE bo...Ottawa is a great city - only boring if you ARE boring.<br /><br />In Ottawa's defence https://medium.com/@ryanpaulgibson/ottawas-not-boring-you-re-just-lazy-f5f2dd9396fb#.9tr6uyn6jCatherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09614600114637807601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-79902848726884446992016-11-19T19:38:09.246-05:002016-11-19T19:38:09.246-05:00Yes, criticizing other people's coping methods...Yes, criticizing other people's coping methods is a much better strategy.Microbial Teahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05033229686823815227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-29614540058128161082016-11-19T19:26:15.596-05:002016-11-19T19:26:15.596-05:00DFTBA! I love the Vlogbrothers and often watch th...DFTBA! I love the Vlogbrothers and often watch their videos and I'm in my 50s! My kids have performed at fundraisers for This Star Won't Go Out and my daughter arranged for Esther's Mom to talk at our HS (plus John Green via Skype) when she got on the One-School-One-Book committee and got them to select The Fault In Our Stars as the One Book.SueLnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-70002104301904314982016-11-19T19:21:21.380-05:002016-11-19T19:21:21.380-05:00Okay. I've got relatives who also specialize ...Okay. I've got relatives who also specialize in making me feel worthless. They have real talent at it. You can't choose your family, but you can choose how to have them in your life. So I think we all need to kinda work on this and stop accepting the love we think we deserve and start to remember that we're worth more than we think we are.<br /><br />Easier said than done I know. But we're all works in progress right?Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11074992134112478195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-30613113930320904432016-11-19T16:57:22.644-05:002016-11-19T16:57:22.644-05:00Jen,
I just found out that my mother used to apol...Jen,<br /><br />I just found out that my mother used to apologize to my husband about me last week. "I'm sorry you have to put up with her." Wow! Trying very hard to remember that one - she's dead so it doesn't matter and two - she never approved of me anyway and I was the good one. Somehow I was always the embarrassment.<br />Why do we always hang around the people that hurt us the most and not the ones that make us feel good?<br /><br />Maureen<br /><br />P.S. It was great to see you in Pittsburgh!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-90682224803937569992016-11-19T16:41:25.972-05:002016-11-19T16:41:25.972-05:00I've gotten the "doesn't even work&qu...I've gotten the "doesn't even work" flak from friends before, too. One suggested, "Why don't you get a real job and then do the fun stuff [novel writing] at night!" As if writing novels isn't work. It didn't change much after I got published since I don't make the big bucks. When I can, I try and let those people go from my life, but I realize that sometimes it just isn't possible.<br />I feel for you, and I say, fuck 'em.Barbara Ann Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751427987081847906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-20576884457008074922016-11-19T15:18:41.691-05:002016-11-19T15:18:41.691-05:00I understand completely. When I decided to go to c...I understand completely. When I decided to go to college majoring in sculpture, I had a lot of family ask me stuff like "What will you do with that?" and "Shouldn't you go for something that will make you money?" It was incredibly frustrating but my saving grace was my boyfriend. He always believed in me 100% and even if he was the only one on my side cheering while the other side was naysaying, I chose to focus on him.<br />While I attended school, I lived in a town where at least ten relatives also lived (I'm from a big family). When you graduate with an art degree you have a thesis gallery exhibit of your final year's work. I chose to have mine in an art building in that same town. How many of my relatives from that same town came? Four. And that was upsetting. But I choose to remember the people who did come to support me. I had wonderful friends from the college. Friends from two hours away came for the one night! My cousin and artistic aunt from four and a half hour away came and stayed the night! It was a truly amazing night and it really showed me who cared about and believed in me and therefore who I needed to care about (and not care about) as well. �� Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04771175159160164664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-543755651506250892016-11-19T14:37:20.211-05:002016-11-19T14:37:20.211-05:00Someone did this to me this week - told me somethi...Someone did this to me this week - told me something a person I work with said about me as a person which was very awful. I don't even like the person who said it...and yet it hurt. But then I reflected on why the first person told me this and thought, you are not a very nice person for telling me this...and I think you just wanted to spark a response. So, I took a deep breath, said, well, what a shame for him to think this way, and then went out of my way to change the subject. I am a people pleaser, but I have gotten very good at figuring out who are the people who use and abuse my energy, and I try very hard to avoid them. <br /><br />My Mom and I developed a game many years ago for a very difficult relative, Filly (not the real name!). We created a point system with an agreed upon prize for the most points BEFORE we see this relative. Every time Filly says sometime rude, inappropriate, cutting or offensive, we earn points. We also have a code word that we use when the person gets to just be too much (usually a food is a fun one to use - pumpkin or orange or such - but also easy enough to make a reference without struggling. When you're upset, hippopotamus is a lot to manage). It works like magic, it makes us both feel better, and we sometime even seek Filly out because we want to earn points. In short, it's the perfect game with just one other person that makes even the most difficult moments a bit better.<br /><br />Jen, try not to ruminate on the negatives, or make a deal with yourself that every cycle of negative thoughts has to have one positive (a simple, I matter to other people is a great start). You've done great things and you continue to do so...<br /><br />PS: One of the smoothest, most extroverted people I've ever known went up to a woman at an event we held last week and congratulated her on her upcoming baby. He had been told by a family member that they were having another child...except they are not! He said to me, I've going to have trouble sleeping tonight even though she was so kind about my mistake. So, the moral of the story is that even really awesome public speakers and extroverts get it wrong too...which makes me feel so much better! <<>>Annettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17597852466280313342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-30910853793988033692016-11-19T13:36:13.761-05:002016-11-19T13:36:13.761-05:00"Non-creatives sometimes just don't get i..."Non-creatives sometimes just don't get it" .... BINGO! You are soooooo right! Wow, I just hadn't thought of it that way. Penelopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06390008089092031480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724594058209899258.post-86672627953544125802016-11-19T07:47:56.281-05:002016-11-19T07:47:56.281-05:00*and the pileup of geeks running to their keyboard...*and the pileup of geeks running to their keyboards to comment was nigh unto deafening...*<br /><br />Non-creatives sometimes just don't get it - how much time, energy, and heart it takes to pull stuff out of nothing and bring it into the world as something. Like what David & Leigh Eddings say about sorcery in The Belgariad - Sorcery is doing things with your mind instead of your body, but sometimes it takes more energy to do them with your mind, so you just do them with your body because it's easier. (Totally mangled that quote...) To bring the abstract into the tangible? It's dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. Totally.<br /><br />As I said, non-creatives sometimes don't get it. And they never will.<br /><br />You can always fall back on the truth about being self-employed: The great thing about being self-employed is that you only work half days...<br /><br />And you get to choose which 12. (wait for it... wait for it... WHOOMP. There it is.) <br /><br />Hugs, dearhearts - and thank you for the struggle as you bring your intangible into our tangible for all to enjoy. Thank you!!!Calhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02385029884329756020noreply@blogger.com