I'm pretty sure that's the healthier kind.
You don't want to bring anyone down, of course. But you want to get it out. But it's not a big deal. But it would be nice to talk about. But then people will THINK things about you. But it would help. But... well, you get the idea.
Sometimes a series of mildly unfortunate events conspire to poop on your parade. I've had a few days of those now. Little things. An angry comment. Some new aches and pains. Shopping for summer clothes (ug). A post I had to take down. Losing a favorite Disney thing. Bad dreams.
This morning I woke up crying. Coming out of dreamland with tears on your face and that hiccupy thing going on in your chest is oddly soothing, though. Like my body and subconscious figured they were DONE with all this "holding it in because ADULT" nonsense, and just started cleaning house without me. I can dig that.
But now I have to write funny stuff. That's the way of this job. Of any job that requires entertainment or creativity. And for over 8 years, whether someone just died or I'm doubled over in pain or it's just a terrible, awful, no-good day, John and I get the job done. (::Hamilton high five::)
Truth be told, most of my funniest posts were written on my unfunniest days. Anger, pain, frustration - somehow they give me an edge and a clarity I don't otherwise have. (And an extra helping of snark, of course.)
I read a great quote recently. It said - and I may be paraphrasing here - "Everyone isn't against you, they're just for themselves." I know that sounds terrible and pessimistic, but wow is this important - and something I remind myself of often.
That person who cut you off in traffic or just yelled at you on your craft tutorial doesn't hate you, doesn't even mean anything personal by it; they're just more concerned with their own thing than they are with yours. What's more, that's true for all of us - it's just most folks aren't as vocal/awful about it.
So when I write, I write for you. I write to give you something that will help with that thing you're carrying. Maybe you need a laugh. Maybe you need to know you're not alone. Maybe you need one little spark of inspiration. Whatever it is, you're reading these words right now because you need something, and writing these words gives me what I need. It's a beautiful symbiosis. The circle of blogging, no baby lion power-lifts needed. (Though ALWAYS appreciated.)
(Couldn't resist. Sorry/not sorry)
Maybe we are all inherently selfish, but we also have the capacity for unimaginable kindness and compassion. I've learned that more online than anywhere else. Because when you meet someone's needs - when you help them lift that burden, even for just a moment, even for just the breath it takes to laugh at a silly cake or ooh over a pretty costume - they will reward you tenfold in beautiful, unexpected ways.
So I'm going to go to work now. I'm going to crack jokes and brainstorm puns and pretend the world isn't upside down or quite so scary. I'm going to give people a five-minute break from their stress-filled days with a bit of silliness. I'm going to meet some needs, including my own.
And yes, I DID just give myself my own pep talk. I do that a lot. I think some of you need to see it written down sometimes, though, so you can practice giving your own.
Let's go meet some needs, peeps. [blows nose] [gets to work]
[Note: I wrote this a week ago. As always, I have to let personal stuff sit for a few days while I gather the courage to hit "publish." I can't say things are better here, but I can say I *feel* better, and re-reading this post is what I needed today. Hope it helps you, too.]