Thursday, March 6, 2014

Rage Against The Rage-Quit

On Monday I finally posted the finished photos of a big project - the AT-AT rocker. I floated through the day in a haze of blissful accomplishment, relieved, happy, and yep, even a wee bit proud.

By Wednesday I was ready to rage quit the week.

You guys know Rage Quitting, right? Usually it's in a video game context, when you get your virtual behind handed to you so badly that you log-off in a fit of childish pique. It's the modern day equivalent of "taking my ball and going home," and I think we've all been there at some time or another.

For some of us, though, rage quitting isn't just a video game thing. For some of us - the ones who tend to bottle things up, who judge ourselves too harshly, and who want so very badly to just get it all done -  and NOW, if you please - for us, resisting the urge to rage quit can be a daily battle.

I'm not talking about suicide or self-harm or pulling a Thelma & Louise, though I know those temptations can be very real. No, I'm talking about the subtler surrenders. The days we just give up. The weeks we spend drifting through work and watching too much Netflix, because it's just easier that way. The projects abandoned on the dining room table, the e-mails left unanswered, the dinner dates canceled, the box of Oreos inhaled for breakfast. (WHAT.)

Some days it's Ok if all you do is breathe.

But some other days, it's not Ok.

Some other days, we have to remember just what it is we're fighting for. What we keep trying for. And most importantly, what we're living for.

I have a mercurial temperament, and failure - no matter how trivial, or even imagined! - hits me hard. Too hard. I let setbacks get the better of me, and much to John's frustration, more often than not I respond by Rage Quitting. This I follow up with a truly epic Rage-Sulking and Rage-Getting-Depressed. Usually it takes a good 5 or 6 hours of Rage-Watching-Netflix to regain some perspective.

This week John and I've put a lot of time and effort into a new project, and just when I thought we were at the finish line, we hit a bunch of setbacks. Suddenly nothing was working, and something I thought would be oh-so-easy became complicated and frustrating and - obviously - this was all happening because the universe wanted to personally spite me.

Now here I am, five hours of Sherlock later, realizing that I waste so much time regretting wasting time. I let myself be overwhelmed by the mountain instead of focusing on my feet, and I worry more about everyone's expectations than the experience I'm gaining from my "failures" right here, right now.

I also worry too much about telling you guys this sort of thing, even though every time I've taken a chance and opened up - every single time - this community has shown me nothing but support and inclusion.

There's a quote from C.S. Lewis that goes something like this:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What, you, too? I thought I was the only one." 

Whenever I see that quote I think of you guys here at Epbot. See, it turns out that everything I thought isolated me - my passions, my panic, my geeky loves and my stubborn weaknesses - actually brings a lot of us closer together, because some of you even now are saying, "Me, too!" 

And that makes me want to keep playing.

How 'bout you?

194 comments:

  1. It's been a shit week, here, too. All I've wanted to do is eat carbs and sleep. Sleep a lot. On Tuesday alone I got to deal with my MIL whose husband died recently, leaving her entirely in our care. My sibs (we are getting along well thankfully) dealing with getting our elderly parents moved out of their house, which is going to be an insane project, and we all live far away from them, and they have lived in their huge house for almost 50 years.... and then my 11.5 year old freaking out and having an enormous fit and hour long crying jag.

    So while I don't think of it as a rage quit, I seriously just want to crawl under a rock all by myself and never ever come out.

    So what I'm saying is: I hear you. And pass the oreos, please.

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  2. We all have those moments, days, weeks and even months. That's what makes us human. Its the failure to recognize that we need to recharge, step back and just be selfish that can be dangerous. Everyone is entitled to rage quit, so grab the oreo's I'll get the milk and we'll invite Lizard and have a party!!

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  3. I hear you as well. I'm an illustrator with a tendency to undervalue my abilities. I've had plenty of rage quits. Sometimes it's a necessary thing... almost like rebooting a computer. The important thing is, is that it doesn't become a permanent quit. Keep on, keepin' on!

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  4. Thanks for this. We're in the process of selling our house and trying to find a new one, and it's become so overwhelming, trying to keep it all straight. Plus my three-year-old is pretty much a monster these days, so there's that. I've not heard the term "rage quitting" before (maybe I don't play enough video games), but that sounds like a perfect description for the week I've had.

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  5. I have been there. So has my husband. One thing I've learned is to factor in some time off. When I was a grad student, that meant giving myself at least one day off a week, during which I did not have to do homework and could ignore the household chores too, if I wanted. I needed that because my current paper or assignment or research work could easily take over every day and leave me feeling guilty and overwhelmed and that became a rage quit because I just couldn't deal. Now it's days off occasionally, allowing myself to let a fun project sit if it needs to while I figure it out, and refusing to be rushed if possible. I try to take some time to think through whether I want to quit or whether I just need a break. Breaks are okay. Quitting is okay too if it isn't working. But I still have days where I just want to give up on things (custom messenger bag that kept needing adjustments because I didn't have a real pattern, I still kinda hate you). A big thing is realizing that it's okay to be frustrated and maybe it's better to take a break BEFORE you hit rage quit. Also, snit cleaning is awesome but only if you're home alone. My hubby and I both snit clean although he's been known to do it when he gets home and I'm trying to sleep.

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  6. We all have those days or weeks Jen - you know you're being irrational and unreasonable and all the little things going wrong aren't actually some grand divine conspiracy too break you; but that is what it feels like. And emotions / feelings / temperaments are not rational and they're not reasonable. You can't just logic away feeling upset or frustrated or angry or empty.

    For me, these almost always track back to work. I'm a research scientist who has to do both a lot of experiments and a lot of programming - pair those things together and you have a notoriously fickle, difficult to predict mix of bugs, and unexpected complications. I have whole weeks where I can be in work 12 hours of each day and make NO progress in fixing anything and I feel like I don't have the fortitude to continue. I have to go home, powerplay whatever game I'm currently into or read whatever trilogy is next on my list or watch every Disney film ever for every hour of every day of an extended 3 day weekend, and finally feel like I maybe might just be able to step back into the lab again. And I've learnt that's ok! Some people CAN reliably, consistently, work for the same amount of time of every day to their usual standard. Some of us have periods of brilliant enthusiasm and inspiration, separated by stretches of hollowness. Neither is right or wrong, and we'd all be a lot happier if we accepted that :) I know I am!

    Hugs etc. :) x

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    1. I agree with you, when multiple things go wrong it isn't some grand divine conspiracy yet in hindsight it usually ends up being another grand devine comedy o.0

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  7. I've totally been there! I think we all have :) I turn to God in these situations. C.S. Lewis was an amazing man who also turned to God. I have to remember who God says I am, and I need to remember who He is and that He is in control. :) It doesn't mean it is easy, but I think it is more productive and more helpful to take my mind off my problems and to focus on Him instead. At least that's what I try to do and the more I do it, the better I feel and the less time I seem to be wasting on regret, feeling sorry for myself, and worry. I do throw myself a little pity party every now and again, but they are usually shorter than they used to be! :) Hope you are feeling pumped up and energized and ready to do more amazing things soon! By the way,LOVE the at-at rocker :) So fun. I'm always amazed at what you and John put together and wish I lived in Florida so I could better learn how to do this fun stuff (and have access to dremels and other tools I don't understand LOL) Thanks Jen for sharing your feelings with us and being honest!

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  8. I as a geek girl, I relate to what you say on this blog all the time. But I especially relate to this. I waste so much time being upset that I've wasted time. And then I get upset at myself for wasting time twice over. No matter how much I know it won't help, sometimes it just seems like the very best option to hide from problems, even if it makes them worse. And thinking about doing that afterward always just makes me an emotional mess with less time on my hands...

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I totally understand. I may not know how to help, but <3 <3 <3.

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  9. I know that combination of feels so much. It's like the part of my brain that should be ok with trying and learning and trying again is missing and the part that says I should be perfect with the first attempt is a wee bit overdeveloped. Worst combination of big dreams and lack of patience EVAR. My hubby is working with me on this, mostly through board games and post-game dissections, but I still get embarrassed by my own bad behavior. Hearing you, whose process I respect, admit to being feeling-adjacent to me does help.

    So, yeah: oreos for everyone.

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  10. A crap project, day or even a week would sound like heaven to me right now. My household is having a crap month+ and it's not even over yet. In fact, there is no end in sight at the moment. I spent my morning in bed covered by my cats eating out of a box of a dozen donuts. 3 hours of Doctor Who didnt help.

    Maybe I should try the 5 hours of Sherlock and a box of cookies??

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  11. I feel you, Jen. I don't even know what else to say except, I feel you.

    Well, that and I'll join the oreo breakfast party.

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  12. I call it a rage stroke...usually ends up lots of crying till I feel better, or I take a nap. I find that being tired is typically when it happens.

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  13. Thank you for this. It hit uncomfortably hard because I'm pretty sure I've spent my adulthood (so far) in a protracted rage quit. As you said, it's easier to drift.

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  14. This. Yes! I'm in the middle of rage quit and rage-feeling-sorry for myself. Your posts always seem to hit me when I need it most and helps me realize that I am not alone in feeling this way. <3 Thank you!

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  15. Jen, I swear you are a child of my heart! My daughter, Lindsay, and I have been working through epic Rage Quit/Sulk/Depression and Anxiety cycles for too long. Just this morning we talked on the phone for over an hour about how it lately seems to have turned into 3 steps: State of Grace (success) to Humbled (setbacks, failure, rage, quit) then eventually to Breakthrough (focus on feet, eyes open wide, and slowly lumber back to the first step). She said "I finally realized that every humbling setback just sets the stage for a major breakthrough.". Maybe every failure is just an odd step to future success, at least its helped us tone our rages down a smidge :) Still raging/whining occasionally but the volume is lower.
    I'd like to think we creative types (I'm a textile artist and she's a writer) are more prone to the outbursts that fuel the genius. That's right folks... Jen is a GENIUS!!!!! Who else could have turned bad workmanship into CakeWrecks or major Geekdom into a haven for those of us slowly stepping out of our geek closets or the rest of you who are Out and Proud. I Love Doctor Who and I don't care Who knows it :D By the way, the AT-AT Rocker is wicked cool!

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  16. This couldn't have come at a better time - you put into words my very feelings for a very cruddy, pile-on kind of week. Thank you for sharing, and for helping me remember that it's not selfish to stop and reset.

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  17. Currently sitting on my bed playing with my phone and eating fritos. What I should be doing is cleaning and unpacking the fifty boxes left from our move into a new home. But I just can't handle anymore cardboard or bubblewrap or scrunchy newspaper bits. My anxiety is through the roof and I am getting tired trying to maintain a facade of normal.
    Also 8 people, one bathroom.

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  18. I don't rage quit. I just shut down. Then I eventually get sick, which is where i am right now. And we're leaving for Disneyland tonight, so I need to get better, and do those things on my list that need to be done in order for me to enjoy the trip.

    The dumb part, in my case, is that things are falling down all around me, which means there is actually great opportunity for me to show what I can do at work. But right now, I just don't seem to have the confidence, or the energy.

    Yet another Jenn

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  19. Thank you for this post. :) This describes a lot of my week as well, and your perspective has changed mine...at least in this moment.

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  20. I'm not a stranger to the rage quit, though I didn't know the term until now. I'm also so overwhelmed by the possibility of failure sometimes that I won't even try which then makes me angry with myself. I'm not sure I'll get better but being aware it's a problem is a step in the right direction.

    I'll tell you something else. I'm doing my best to teach my daughters to be confident and just give it (whatever it may be) a try.

    You're not alone and neither am I. Epbot is a fantastic community.

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  21. Oh man, do I feel you. I actually had a bit of the opposite week. I started the week in a depression that I had wasted my weekend and feeling bad that the project I was working on that didn't work out. Finally, on Wednesday morning, and in a bit of an exasperated tone, my husband said "You've spent more time sad that your project didn't work out than you spend working on it in the first place" and it hit me like a kick in the pants. So I'm trying to change, just a little, and learn to not sweat the things that don't work exactly like I expected. It's hard, and I've just started, but even saying it has made the rest of the week a little better.

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  22. I know that feeling all too well. Jen, it's like you're speaking to me personally. And that quote is so perfect! I'm glad that you're recognizing that you've got this pattern and that you want to change it. It's a good step. One that a lot of us still have to take. Just keep swimming, everyone.

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  23. Currently sitting on my bed playing with my phone and eating fritos. What I should be doing is cleaning and unpacking the fifty boxes left from our move into a new home. But I just can't handle anymore cardboard or bubblewrap or scrunchy newspaper bits. My anxiety is through the roof and I am getting tired trying to maintain a facade of normal.
    Also 8 people, one bathroom.

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  24. I seriously recognize a lot of myself in this. I find myself constantly fighting this pull when I'm angry or upset. You are definitely not alone in this. :)

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  25. So glad you posted this. I get like this too, especially when I gather too many projects for myself. Then I feel bad for not getting them all done, and in time. *sigh*

    I do like this Oreos for breakfast idea...

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  26. Yup. Me too although I seem to have turned a corner even though I am still packing in the carbs. For me multi-threading jobs really helps, when one gets mired in setbacks I can move on to another. It has downsides too, as in too many unfinished projects, but in this particular instance (I typed praticular and problems instead of projects, Freud would be proud!) it has helped to be able to spit and put it aside. I then put in a little more effort and it all started to work so I have avoided the worst of the rage stuff. Mumble mumble.

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  27. It's funny, I don't consider it rage-quitting but rather shutting down. I just don't want to play anymore. I don't want to talk to people or do things. Just leave me the f alone. I always assumed that's just part of life for introverts.

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  28. I am terribly guilty of Rage-Netflix-Watching and Rage-Nothing-Doing. I so understand. Lately I've been doing pretty well, staying off the internet for entire days, being very productive, cleaning, creating, and the like. Today is not so good. You've inspired me to maybe watch ONE more episode of Fullmetal Alchemist and then get off my butt and DO SOMETHING.

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    1. Rage-Nothing-Doing is my new favorite phrase.

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  29. I just read this and was like "me too". It feels good to know I'm not alone. Or that my husband is the only one who *sighs when I kind of shut down when things go wrong. He is actually an amazing husband thou. Instead of shutting down when things go wrong, I need to remember to "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming". Thanks for always being so open and honest. I recently moved and now live 3 1/2 ish hours south of Orlando. So fingers crossed I'll be able to make it up for a vacation sooner rather than later. Hopefully we can meet up. I'll bring the oreos.

    -Melissa R.

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  30. I seldom rage quit only because I seldom even start projects. I'm afraid of failure and I can imagine almost every way my plans are likely to go wrong. So I fail by not even trying.

    You not only start and finish projects but then you show them to the world. That takes such amazing confidence that I'm not sure it ever occurred to me that you feared failure too.

    Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith (but I'm stocking up on Oreos first).

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  31. I'll pass on the Oreos, but it's quite possible I have, in the past couple of weeks, consumed entire boxes of Tagalongs in the space of an hour, several times over. I've been in a sort of protracted quit - not so much rage, just escapism - ever since getting a breast cancer diagnosis the day before Thanksgiving, with its ensuing surgeries. I shudder to think how much time I have wasted in playing Angry Birds, watching multiple episodes of "Downton Abbey" and "Sherlock," hiding under the covers sleeping (or pretending to be asleep), and simply refreshing Facebook overandoverandover, when I could have been making a dent in my stack of unfinished needlework projects or writing thank-you notes or simply reading to my kids. This is by no means my debut at quitting - unfortunately, I think I've spent much of my adult life quitting to some degree or another - it's simply the worst so far. Anyway, all that to say: You are not alone, and reading your post and the replies makes me feel a little bit less lousy about myself.

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    1. I hear you, Kathryn, and I'm thinking good thoughts at you. I was recently diagnosed with (viral) meningitis, and the ensuing depression has really kicked my butt. I can't work, drive, or even "get upset" if I can help it, because it will only make me hurt more. I've taken to a lot of internet surfing, audiobooks, and mass chocolate consumption. When my husband gets home from working all day, all I can do is whinge at him and feel like a sad sack for still being in my pj's. I started to think that I was the only one ever in this situation. My world became very small.

      I totally agree that reading Jenn's post, your reply, and submitting my own reply (first time ever!) has made me feel a little bit less lousy (whenever I hear that word or the less common, "swell," I immediately channel I Love Lucy... and that makes me smile).

      Thank you so much for sharing.

      It sucks right now, and I'm scared. But I'm not alone.

      We can get through this.

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    2. Hang in there, Kristin! I don't know much about meningitis, except that it sucks big time, but I'm sending lots of healing thoughts your way, and I hope you'll soon make a full recovery. Also, I hear you on the mass chocolate consumption; I might or might not have several bars of really good chocolate stashed in my bedside table drawer....

      Are there any online support groups for meningitis? I joined a Facebook group for breast cancer patients & survivors, and it has helped immensely to be able to share with women who have been where I am, to exchange advice and have a sounding board for our whinging and rejoice together in our victories.

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    3. Dear Kathryn and Kristin :) I've been fighting chronic severe rheumatoid arthritis for 25 years becoming more and more disabled each year. All the great biologic meds came a bit late for me so although they're helping now there's a lot of irreversible damage. However my point in writing this is to tell you that I've always fought back against it in the sense of living as normally as possible. I didn't want my kids to grow up having the "sick mom" and now they're all grown up. So five years ago I decided that time was passing regardless of whether I sat on my arse or started fulfilling my dreams. I am a textile artist.
      Its never to late to start filling your time with worthwhile endeavors whether its reading to your kids or writing the next great screenplay. I'm sending you all the healing energy I can and somehow know you'll both be fine.

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    4. I've got an un-diagnosed chronic illness that I've had since I was 18 (7 years now). I definitely rage/despair quit. I'm doing it more and more lately, because I've gone from having an un-diagnosed illness, to a possibly fixable illness, to an in-diagnosed but almost certainly chronic illness. There are only so many times you can pick yourself up and get back on the horse before you have to lay in the dust and cry...especially when you know that when you do get back up, all you have to look forward to is getting bucked right back off the horse again.So my life is a pretty disorganized disaster, but there are days/weeks where the only way I can survive is to zone out completely.

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  32. The last level of BioShock: Infinite. I decided to play it because of your review. Decided to try it on "normal" instead of "easy" and made it all the way to the last stinking level. There were a couple places I died so many times the stupid thing reminded me that I could change the difficulty, but I never gave in, and I never asked my husband to help. But that last ******* level, man...it broke me. Even after I switched over to "easy" it took waaaay too long to beat it. But I only threw the controller once!!

    Also, I'm the worst at finishing projects in a timely manner. Took me about 3 months to paint our half bath because I used a stencil and it was hard. *pout We just started redoing our bedroom and I look forward to finishing THAT in about 3 years. >.<

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  33. Yup, me too. At work...right now :/

    Sigh. (pulls up big girl panties)

    Ok. I can DO THIS.

    ...can you send some Oreos? Thanks :)

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  34. Oh yes, I understand. I've experienced the exact same thing with projects I've undertaken. I end up tossing things in a corner, feeling horrible about myself. I tend to eat ice cream and watch "comfort" movies or read "comfort" books. It takes me a few days but I'll eventually get back to it with a fresh mind and come up with a solution for the problem that caused me to rage-quit. Here is an example: I recently hand-stitched an 8ft long stuffed giant squid (I have very basic sewing skills). It took 4 months. I think I quit at least six times. I one point I almost threw it out. But it was so worth it when I completed it, I was able to say to myself "I made this ridiculous, awesome thing". That feeling is a good inspiration to keep on trying. And now I rock at hand-stitching.

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    1. Can we PLEASE see pictures of an 8-foot stuffed giant squid??

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    2. Reminds me of that other C.S. Lewis quote:

      Admiration is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What, you actually hand-stitched an 8 foot long stuffed giant squid? Awesome!"

      And, yes, pictures, please!

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  35. I don't know if it's the same as rage quitting, but I have an unusually high attention to detail, which can be awesome, but can also suck. I see all the details in everything, so planning stuff means I try to foresee all possible outcomes of stuff and plan accordingly...for everything. I tend to get overwhelmed if I take on too much and then I just shut down. Completely freak out and can't handle life. My fiance is great at being able to help me see the forest instead of the trees, but if left to my own devices I would end up watching hour upon hour of Dr. Who or any other tv or movies I can find just to ignore all that I have going on. Maybe it's more like rage procrastination for me.

    Trying to plan a small wedding right now and do a home refinance has me about to break. The refinance fell through yesterday and the wedding is getting too large and I went home and ate pizza and binge watched my DVR. All I really needed was a hug but fiance was working so I was alone.

    But I feel your pain. And it sucks.

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  36. Let me just say - I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never once in my life watched a whole season of Orange is the New Black in day, killed a whole bag of sweet sixteen doughnuts, or wasted away a whole day farming for useless WOW goods. Nope. Nu uh. Not me. Never!

    Honestly - as long as I keep things like that in overall check, I think they are perfectly ok. Sometimes you just gotta recharge and be a little passive. Maybe it's kind of sucky that my version of recharging includes a little sulkyness and refusal to make small talk. It's just part of being an introvert in a social word. I always find a renewed sense of purpose on the other side so I just don't stress over it.

    I think you're the bee knees, even if you're having a crabby day. :)

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  37. In my first marriage, which was Chernobyl meets Fukushima, I frequently had those days, weeks, and months. I would have an overwhelming feeling at about dusk, if I was driving, just to keep driving. Just keep driving, F&#K everything, just drive, and keep on going. Just go away, far away. The feeling was so strong I had to fight myself over it. I had things at home that meant something to me! I had a job that I couldn't just walk out on, I had to let my kids schools know that I would be moving......etc. But the feeling remained and I would go home restless, unresolved, angry, full of resentment towards my spouse and the situation that I lived in, then I would read, for hours. 16 years of rage-quit.

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  38. HA HA HA I have to laugh because I'm on my FIRST productive day this week! I've been sick with something different for the last 3 weeks, overwhelmed with work, overwhelmed by home, overwhelmed by looming deadlines, and so I've been stuck. Today, I gave myself the extra push (and chocolate) to get moving and I was just thinking about how productive I feel when I glanced up and saw your post! I'm ALL about the rage sulk. Or the rage.... zoned? Where I just get overwhelmed and can't decide where to go next, and feel like I'm going to explode from all the possibility with the necessity, so I just shut down. Though I have to admit, it feels a little extra good to get going again ;-)

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  39. I shall be referring to this post quite a bit over the next few months. We're buying a house that needs a little work. I am planning on taking on the small stuff myself, like wallpaper stripping and interior painting. Nothing huge, but I guess there will be setbacks, either for me or for the folks who end up doing the more major work.

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  40. That's it!!! That's exactly how this week has went...Thank you for identifying this total lack of motivation of fix all things. No idea if it will help, but now I know and now I can look for my focus again.

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  41. Also, I need to stop reading through the comments, as I've so far craved cookies and chips just from reading through. Must focus on what I really want! ice cream! I mean, back to work!

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  42. Thank you for this post, it came a just the right moment for me.

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  43. "I waste so much time regretting wasting time." YES. Me, too! I feel like I'm tormenting myself every single day. I want so, so much to write novels. And I've tried really hard. But I can't seem to finish anything I start. And it makes me so mad at myself. And now I'm at the point where I want to write, I really do, but I'm afraid that I'll start something and then quit and then hate myself for quitting AGAIN, so I just spend all day on the Internet clicking and clicking and clicking my favorite websites, desperately hoping there will be something new to distract me. And then I start to get tired and think, Wow. You wasted ANOTHER day. And I get mad. But then I do it again the next day. I have two kids so it's not like I do absolutely nothing, but I know I have a lot of usable time in my day that I'm just letting go to waste.

    Jen, I love you for posting this, but I have to say I'm surprised. You do so much! You're doing Cake Wrecks and Epbot and your craft projects that require serious time, and you do events... I look at you and think, Wow! She's living her dream! From the outside looking in, I'm in awe of what you get accomplished. Thank you for being so honest and real. You're awesome!

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  44. I couldn't agree more with this post. There are those days when I realize it's 4 pm, I've been physically in my office since 8 am, but mentally I checked out around 8:05. I get furiously upset that I've accomplished nothing, because "I'm a university employee, I'm supposed to work all the time and get ten million things finished, and write these seven papers, and advise these 20 students, and teach these two classes and oh yeah, actually make progress on the research that I'm getting paid to do."

    Sigh. Someone pass the cookies.

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  45. I think if you frame it differently, rage-quitting won't feel so defeatist (or maybe even be rage quitting anymore?). When I'm frustrated with a project, I'll consciously step away and take a break and let my brain work on it under the surface. More often than not, I look at it with fresh eyes and keep on trucking. Of course, some things don't work like that and you just wanna shoot something, but a break helps. :p

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  46. ..."failure - no matter how trivial, or even imagined! - hits me hard"...

    Jen,

    The minute I read those words, I instantly thought of another lovable Geek; Adam Savage of Mythbusters and his well-known mantra; "failure is always an option". My temperament is different from yours in that when I have creative ideas and I hit a snag my personality reacts a bit more like a roomba; I bounce off the obstacle and then start heading in a new direction. But being a fan of Mythbusters has really helped to improve that equanimity; failure IS a result, if you can approach a new concept, project or idea open to the idea that there may/will be setbacks but those setbacks are opportunities learn; then I feel like you are programming yourself to succeed.

    I realize that I do not suffer from the anxiety and panic disorders that you do and my process may not work, but I do love all the creativity that you share with the world. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that your fans love to hear what you are doing even if the story is how horribly the attempt failed. I know I get more laughs and a stronger reaction when I show people the ugly Gingerbread houses I make every year than what I get when people look at the 'perfect' ones.

    Hang in there Jen - you are loved.

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  47. See...this is the exact reason why this blog is my favorite of all time. Just when I think I'm the only one dealing with something it turns out that there is a whole world of people out there that feel the same, love the same things I do and are finding the courage to come out and say hello just like I am. Thank you so very much for all you do, and not just Jen and John, but ALL of you here because you've pulled me out of depressions and rage quits more often than I care to admit!

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  48. Thank God I'm not the only one who is having a horribly crappy week. And, honestly, this who freaking month has been a massive mountain of failure heaped upon me and I'vegottofigureouthowthehelltosurvivethisbecauseit'snotgoingtogetanyeasieruntilApril.

    For the love of all that is holy, I cry "UNCLE!!!!!! NOW LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

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  49. I just realized that I've been rage-quitting my health measures all this time. From diets to exercise to faithfully taking my meds, the second something goes wrong - I get caught up in it and waste a lot of time (sometimes years) before I get back on the wagon. It's never productive and I really did think I was the only one with the crazy emotions train.
    I'm so grateful that you're so open Jen!

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    1. Wow, I hadn't thought of this in reference to health. Eesh. I am right there with you.

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  50. I completely understand, Jen! (And I literally laughed out loud at Rage-Watching-Netflix! Ha!) This is the curse of the perfectionist. If it can't be done right (read: perfectly) then, dang it, I don't want to do it at all! "I'm a perfectionist" tends to be a cliched answer to the classic interview question, "What's your biggest weakness?" But I always follow up that answer with this explanation. If I don't think I can do something EXACTLY the way I think I ought to do, I really have to struggle to do anything. It's why I am so, so, SO far behind where I should be in working on my novel--I'm paralyzed by my own imperfection. Thank you for putting this out there. While I don't have any helpful advice, I can at least offer some solidarity. :)

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  51. I've been having that kind of year, actually. In the midst of a major overhaul of my bathroom and living room areas, my 17-yr-old made an already stressful time more so with his not-so-good choices. So many moments of wanting to crawl under the blanket and just watch Netflix on my iPad and forget the world was there and that they all want me to make decisions like what to eat and I don't wanna!

    Thanks for posting this! I needed the reminder that it's totally normal to feel this way. Pass the Oreos! (Have you tried the cookie dough ones?? OMG!)

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  52. Yep, me, too.
    Thanks for being willing to put yourself out there for us!

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  53. Every. darn. day.. Especially in the afternoons.

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  54. This has been my year so far. If I don't have 3 crying fits a week it is a good week. Right now I am holding back another one. Work is currently driving me to a loony bin visit. Massive project that I pretty much did myself and I am getting grief for the errors that were made. I am sorry there will be a few when you create 700 files. I spent most of the Superbowl working on this project and my team was playing. I have barely had a weekend off and I don't see any time off in the near future either.

    And i am in a blind panic about going back to school to get my degree in web development. Almost 38 and I want to hide in a blanket fort. I am convienced this will be a huge waste of time and money no matter what the hubby and parents say.

    What I would like to do right now is go home, put on the jammies, watch netflix, play my new 3DS games and inhale the box of Thin Mints i have.

    I love this blog and you Jen. Thank you for getting this out there.

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  55. Are we all having bad weeks simultaneously? That's comforting and a little freaky at the same time, haha.

    First, thank you so much for this post. I think I really needed it today. For me, the worst part of Rage-Quitting is when you rage-quit before you even start - which was me yesterday. I didn't get anything done because it was so overwhelming and irritating which just made my mood for the rest of the day super sour and cranky. I think I learned a bit of a lesson last night though. I really like to watch Restaurant Impossible on the Food Network and one thing I've noticed, time and again, is that the chefs, especially if they are the owner/part owner, fall into this pit of guilt and depression when they're told that the quality of their food is a big part of why the business is failing. This pit of guilt then creates yet another roadblock between them and success because for Robert Irvine to do what he's there to do, he needs them to accept that the food wasn't good, and then have the energy to embrace moving forward to make improvements. But time and time again, instead of moving forward, they get caught up in feeling like complete and utter failures that will never do anything right and every time I practically end up yelling at the screen for them to get over themselves, accept the reality, don't take it personally, and accept the help of those around you to get you where you need to be.
    Last night I think I realized how hypocritical [not to mention useless] this behavior has been on my part because I do the exact same thing. I have the Taj Mahal of pits that I constantly get sucked into if I don't think I'm getting things done fast enough, well enough and I never will be able to do better.
    So I think I'll be trying harder in the coming days to focus more on my feet, and the small patches of ground to cover beneath them rather than the whole mountain, especially where other people may be on it. :)

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  56. I have been on a "rage quit" for three or four months now. Drifting along just breathing. A sudden and "incurable" illness has required me to take everything much slower than I am used to. I realized recently that I needed a kick in the pants to stop my Netflix (three month long) marathon and move on to what little I can do. So I thank you for showing me that I am not alone in my attitude and giving me the little push I need to help me move on from this protracted "rage sulking."

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  57. sorry you're having a rough week. but I don't believe watching Sherlock is ever a waste. I need to go watch all three seasons again. soon.

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  58. Yes. I'm there on a regular basis. I have some perfectionistic tendencies (maybe all of them...) and find myself quitting because I'm overwhelmed rather than just plugging through, one step at a time. And yes, failures, or my own perceived failures, also hit me hard and make me quit. It's much worse, from my experience, when children are involved. I've only had one time where I rage-quit on them (my husband was home to clean up the pieces) and I'd rather not do that ever again. But it's good to hear that other people do the same thing. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

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  59. This has been my week, too. Monday sucked and I tried to get restarted on Tuesday, but I could never quite get up that hill. Today and yesterday were a little bit better--I'm not doing the projects I'm supposed to, but yesterday I did some prep so that I could do those projects, and today I've done some cleaning and a few minor things I've put off even though I know they only take five minutes.

    One thing that I've been trying to remember lately is "no more zero days." It's from a post I read on Reddit last year, with the basic premise that you should do one thing toward your goal each day, even if it's literally writing one sentence, making one stroke with the paintbrush, putting one nail in the wall, doing one push up, etc. Everything you do is a favor for your future self, and everything that you've accomplished so far is a favor from your past self. And if your present self just can't make it a non-zero day, that's OK, too. Forgive yourself and do better tomorrow. That got me off the couch today, and it's making me feel better about tomorrow.

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    1. No more zero days... I like that!

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  60. A good friend of mine once told me "It's hard to see the sunshine when you're standing in the rain, but it's always there." I believe, for many of us, you are that sunshine - always there with the right words, setting an example for us to follow. Thank you.

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  62. You say the things that happen in my head and its wonderful.
    I have been known to rage-quit on occasion - especially over perceived failure and I think rage-netflixing is the way forward.

    I hope tommorrow is better!

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  63. Thank you so much for writing this - I'd never quite thought of it this way before, but I have exactly the same cycle (though I tend to read stuff instead of watch). The only way I've managed to stay a functioning adult when I'm in my "funk" phase is extreme compartmentalization - when I'm at work, I have my work hat on (though my patience level tends to be lower when I'm down). When I'm with my kids, I have my parenting hat on (also with lower patience). And when I have free time, I'm free to sulk, and it can take a couple of weeks for me to let go enough to move on (unless I'm rescued by either a flash of brilliance that lets me fix the reason I rage-quit in the first place, or my amazing spouse who sometimes helps me get past the block).

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  64. Thank you so much. Of course, I'm reading in the midst of an hours-long internet Rage-Avoid-The-World, which happens at least a couple of times a week for me. I give up so easily and regret so much. It really does make me feel better to know I am not alone....which is how I always feel when I'm in the general vicinity of the Epbot community.

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  65. hate when i am ten feet tall and bulletproof and someone invents new bullets. good news is, eventually the bullets get old and i find a way to deflect em.
    hope you don't rage quit the internet. this place is so much better with you in it.
    love to you and john.

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  66. Thank you so much for this post! I myself do this a lot, as do several of my friends. Sometimes the world just gets so overwhelming, it's nice to know that others are struggling, too. We all need a little encouragement sometimes. Thank you for providing that! Whether it's a cosplay, a homework assignment, or a story, I'm going to try harder not to rage quit when things get tough. You go, girl! Just keep being the wonderful, artistic, lovely person you are, and don't let the world get you down! <3

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  67. I love the fact that you can so eloquently write the words that reflect my feelings. For me, the rage quit recovery period has become shorter as I get older. Maybe that will happen for you too. Life is too short to finish reading a book you don't like or a project that is frustrating.

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  68. I know the feelings you are going through so well. I hope that your week gets better because you certainly deserve it. Being so open and honest about your life so that others can have that moment of "What, you too?" is so very important and it an amazing gift to all of us that read your words! *hugs*

    Erin

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  69. I'm having one of those weeks too. So thank you for sharing! Its so great to have this community here. To know that there are others out there similar to me, and that sometimes its ok to be this way. Btw rage-watching-sherlock is an awesome way to give yourself a break too!

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  70. "This is the curse of the perfectionist. If it can't be done right (read: perfectly) then, dang it, I don't want to do it at all! "

    ^^
    THIS!!!!!

    And sabotaging yourself before you even start!!! Some days, I find myself working myself up with past failures before the day even gets started. I'm aware I'm sabotaging myself, and sometimes I can derail that train, but other days I'm stuck for the ride. :S The only thing that helps is a 2-hour nap. No more, no less. :P

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  71. This week, the ONLY thing that has made me happy has been being with my husband and kids. Everyone and everything else has just pisses me off. I know these feelings will pass, they always do, but being down here in the weeds sucks. It helps to know I'm not alone.

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  72. me too! i know exactly how you feel... this post came at a perfect time for me. thanks for sharing,

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  73. I've been wanting to rage-quit today since I woke up. Now I'm sitting here with a completely wasted day off feeling like an idiot. Ugh! These feelings are so dumb!

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  74. I will tell you a true fact: I rage quit one of my DCon costumes last year. This one, in fact. I'm the Lady Thor there.

    I literally put it in the trash can and DARED ANYONE TO TAKE IT OUT. My best friend defied me, and obviously I came back to it and finished it.

    I've probably rage-not-started too many things. I'm trying to change that. Thanks for sharing.

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  75. Hi Jen, I just want to say that I can relate. For me, I tend to stop eating, which isn't healthy either. I don't even notice it until I realize that a few days have gone by where I've been living on bottled Frappuccinos and like, one hastily grabbed meal a day (like, a pudding cup, or something else ridiculous.) I hope that you're feeling better (sounds like binge/rage-watching Sherlock helped!) And btw, that AT-AT rocker is da bomb!

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  76. You're talking about me and my job, right? I work in substance abuse treatment. It frustrates me to no end when I literally hand people the key to change, and they stand at the door looking at the lock. There are many days, like today, I want to throw my hands up, draw a huge bulls-eye on the wall, and beat my head profusely. I want to save the world! I want people to be independent and productive and not a slave to the poisons they put into their bodies all in the name of "feeling good" which masks their self-medicating. I teach my clients every day the only thing they can control is themselves... their actions and behaviors. Unfortunately, I have a hard time swallowing that same pill. Instead of rage quitting, I "eat" through my feelings, hide in my house, and binge watch everything on my DVR. I withdraw from the people I love to sit self-absorbed in my own pity. You are not alone. We are not alone. It happens. The fact we get back on that horse and ride again into the sunset only proves that though we may fall, we still get back up again.

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  77. (I tried to start this, and then the computer did something computer-y, and the whole thing disappeared, so I apologize if somehow I posted this, and I'm repeating myself.)

    I just went through something really hard, and I too just want to quit life for a while. You and me stay strong, okay??

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  78. Thank you Jen for writing this today. I can't identify with the "rage" part of it; myself being more of the quiet type who reacts to setbacks by hiding in a corner with a box of chocolates and secretly feeling sorry for herself. But I SO recognize most of the other things you write about here.

    Today I experienced a very trivial "failure" at my job. Basically, someone hinted that a thing I had worked much at was not good enough. Since I am an extreme perfectionist and very self-critical, this made me just want to quit it all. The rest of the day was spent sulking and feeling that the whole world is against me; yet most of all being embarrassed and mad at my own "childish" and disproportional reactions. In this kind of situation, I always waste a lot of time regretting wasting time, just as you write.

    Your blog post and everybody's comments made a girl somewhere in Sweden - sitting alone by her laptop reading blogs in the middle of the night - to suddenly feel a lot more OK both about her crappy day, and her own even crappier reactions to her crappy day. Thank you. Love it when you write this kind of blog post.

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  79. I let myself be overwhelmed by the mountain instead of focusing on my feet

    SO MUCH THIS. You have written the story of my medical school life. And that CS Lewis quote? Exactly. Exactly! :)

    Thanks for encouraging me to stop rage-quitting the best adventure of my life just because it is hard.

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  80. This past month has been horrible for me. I've had to buy 5 new tires, two new valve stems and miss several hours of work. I got one new tire replaced 3 Tuesdays in a row. At work, two of my four employees were out on medical leave, and one had to quit. Then, to add insult to injury, my fiance of 7 years decided to give me the "it's not you, it's me" and "I have to find myself" speech and left. So after 6 years, I'm living by myself with no one here to help me through my panic attacks. I paid for everything, his cellphone, his car, his car insurance, his medical bills, because I also lack self-esteem. And I felt so awful thinking how horrible am I that a man I've been supporting for all this time, who never had to spend his money on bills, left me.

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    1. I have lived long enough at this point to see how the no-good-guy leaving uncorks LOTS of good things in a woman's life. You were never horrible. Love makes us ALL do silly things. Grieve, lick your wounds, don't spend too much time beating yourself up about it, and get ready to go AWESOME. Often enough, one of the things that sort of guy takes with him when he leaves is your low self esteem. (No, really, how hilarious is that?) Yes, right now can be terribly painful, but it can turn into the best "Time to take out the trash" of your life.

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  81. I've been in "Blah Mode" for about a month and a half, after rage quitting everything upon my return from a vacation. The vacation, while awesome and fun, was stressful to prepare for and when it was over and I had to come back to real life and all the stressful crap that comes with it... I just shut down. It does help to have other people say, in one way or another, "hey, you're not alone, I know what you're going through" and it also helps to be able to look at the problem from a new perspective. In addition to your post today (thank you for this, by the way!) I just read another blog post that breaks down procrastination in an interesting way. I do waste a lot of time on the interwebs, but sometimes, thanks to people who are willing to share their thoughts and feelings on subjects that are important to me, it can be a very worthwhile thing to do. So thanks again for sharing not only the fun things, but the serious things as well!
    And if anyone is interested in a new outlook on procrastination... one that involves a monkey and "The Dark Playground" have a look at this blog post.

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  82. "be overwhelmed by the mountain instead of focusing on my feet"

    So True, so true!

    I often mutter, "This too shall pass." over and over until I am calm again. It helps...sometimes.

    Hang in there, friend.
    Karla in CA.

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  83. Ugh, I know the feeling well. I am ready to rage-quit life right now. I just had three long days at work, various lady problems causing pain, someone else snapping at me because of their own stress, my cats are being...annoying, and I just found out that I didn't get a job that I thought I was perfect for. Not even an interview. I am attempting to self-medicate by watching TV and eating caramel corn. And I still have one more day before a too-short weekend.

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  84. I have SO been trying to rage-quit the last entire month of my life.

    I've just realized I'm asexual. Half of everyone I've told is convinced that I'm broken and need to be fixed. I have been job hunting for nearly 4 months straight without any bites. I'm 2 months behind on my rent, in danger of being homeless at any day. I'm not eligible for public aid because I don't have children (and was told so directly when I tried to apply). I've got about $7 to my name, and have only eaten 2 proper meals in the last week. My dog is sick, and I can't take her to the vet. I've maxed out my cards trying to keep afloat. I don't know where to turn, and nobody seems to give a damn. I'm not in depression like I was many years ago, but that doesn't seem like much of anything to hold on to at this point.

    If rage-quitting were an actual option, I'd be all over that like white on rice.

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    1. I'm going to start praying for you tonight! I don't know if you have a faith life or not, but it sounds like God has put a lot on your plate right now. Give it all to God to deal with and you will be surprised by the help that will come your way.

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    2. I can't help you with most of your problems (it sounds like a lot), but I just wanted to say that I'm asexual too and that I'm sorry people are telling you that you're broken. :/ I've been relatively lucky (in that I realized that I was ace long before attempting any romantic relationships and most people I've told haven't had a problem with it), but it always sucks to have people trying to invalidate your identity.

      Any chance you could ask the internet for monetary help? No one should have to not eat, and your dog deserves treatment too.

      (Sorry, I don't even know if you'll see this reply - but if you do, and want to get in touch with me, you can send a message to the email attached to my page. It's a weird website because I'm paranoid about putting my direct contact information in a public place on the internet, but I promise that messages sent to that email address will reach me. I don't have piles of money to throw around, but I'd be willing to donate a little bit or try to help in other ways.)

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  85. I do this all the time! I'm a regular rage-quitter of life. And I'm so damn hard on myself all the time. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I'm so grateful my husband puts up with me as he's often the only one who can snap me out of it.

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  86. Thank you for posting things like this. Me being on the other side (I rarely get rattled by things), it helps me understand and work with different personalities. Particularly my husband, who is much more emotional and reactionary than I.

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  87. Oh thank glob I'm not the only one. I totally rage-quit at work today, going in to full on crying in front of my boss and vomiting out a laundry list of all the reasons why I just couldn't do it anymore. Of course, then I spent a good hour crying because I can't get my friggin emotions under control and the very act of being overwhelmed fills me with a deep sense of shame. And, weirdly enough, the nicer someone is to me when I'm vulnerable, the more mortified I am and the longer it takes me to recover.

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  88. Me too!! I've so been here. It's hard and it feels like shit. After years and hard work, I can now take a "Rage-Break" when something is too frustrating to be fun anymore and not beat myself up over it. I'm still super pissed, and I still sulk and fume and all that fun stuff but it doesn't usually trigger that self-abuse spiral anymore and I get over it a lot faster.

    I'm always so grateful for your bravery in sharing these things. It's so great to feel like I'm a part of this awesome tribe of super-cool peeps. Thank you!

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  89. Me too. Had a completely disheartening day, wanted to rage-quit so very very much, but I am in a position where that is oh-so impossible. Thanks for the encouragement.

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  90. Oh wow. Can't believe this post was here for me to read today, right now. I've been fairly despondent now for too long, and while I keep bouncing back, I drove home with the "what the hell am I trying so hard for?!?!?" attitude. Rage-quitting, not suicidal, thoughts. Once again, the universe has provided me exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.

    So - thanks for steering me away from the all-evening-comfort-eating-everything-I-can-get-my-hands-on frame of mind, Jenn. You gave me something else to "chew" on - thoughts of friendship from and to strangers.

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  91. I'm kind of late to the comment game here. But, thanks from me too. I had an awful work week where every thing I worked hard for was just pounded on and I was very ready to rage quit (a new term to me and I'm gonna like using it). I wanted to stop caring about work. Not wanting to be the whining friend because surely I don't have it so bad and someone else has it worse I just internalized it all -- and my body feels all that internal stress. This post was at the best time. I like all of it, but especially the quote about friends. My day is ending a lot better than it started.

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  92. I tend to fall into the fear of failure, don't start projects category. When I do goad myself into doing things and they go off course, I can't find the materials I need/want, or it doesn't turn out as perfectly as I see it in my head I can do the rage-quit thing quite spectacularly. I'm still a work in progress but this blog has helped me a lot to realize that not every idea is going to come out perfectly, that it doesn't have to be completed in one sitting, and that a lot of times imperfections make something more beautiful in the end. Oh and Metal Tape Art. I love it. The more imperfect it is, the happier I am. So thank you for that and thank you for keep coming back and sharing so much on this blog.

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  93. Like like like. Thank you for sharing this.

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  94. Thank you for sharing, Jen. We LOVE you. And John. (but not in a creepy way)
    One lesson I learned from a truly horribly life experience was this: Keep moving.forward
    Maybe you don't move very far. Or fast. Maybe it takes time to move. Doesn't matter. Really. IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.
    Just keep moving forward.
    Another thing that really helped me was the Deep Space 9 episode - I do believe it was the first. Or possibly the second. Commander Sisko was in the wormhole and the wormhole aliens were talking to him. They kept changing into people he knew (since he couldn't view them in their natural state they took people from his mind). He rolled with it and continued the conversation while the people and scene kept changing. One character was his wife who had died during the Borg attack while Capt. Picard was part of the collective. The smoke, the fire, the alarms blaring, and his poor beautiful wife dead under a beam. Finally, in agony at seeing her yet again, he asked them WHY they kept bringing him back to that place. "You exist here" the alien said.
    I don't want to exist in the bad, the awful, the regrets, the anxiety, the (fill in the blank). That is not where I want to spend my existence. So, I choose to keep moving forward. (which is what Sisko also decided, good for him.)
    We LOVE you, Jen!

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  95. Oh, yes, I know the temptation of the Rage Quit. It tends to rear its oh-so-lovely head on bad homeschooling days. Pounding my head on a wall wouldn't help, but it's tempting!

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  96. One thing I try to remember when I'm having a rough time is, "I wish you could see yourself how I see you." I think you're so amazing. Your creativity is always inspiring and makes me want to just make all the things.
    One time I had a meltdown because I was invited to a 'girl's night out' and I wasn't sure I could handle being with that many people for that long. I panicked and my husband had to help me breathe. He told me it would be good to get out and have some time without the kids. That's how I feel every time you talk about being nervous or worried. We're all excited to see your next project, but take the time you need to figure out the kinks and know that we're rooting for you and hoping for the best. We'll be here when you get back. I think it's healthy to rage quit once in a while. People that are 'happy' all the time are the ones that end up on Snapped. I'm pretty sure of that. [:

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  97. 5 hours spent watching Sherlock is definitely NOT time wasted.
    Also I meant to say, but I've been so very busy: The AT-AT rocker looks fantastic, but the grey color and the little strip of red reflective made me think that if I had the talent and spare time a K-9 rocker would be awesome as well!

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  98. Amy Perkins71522March 6, 2014 at 9:40 PM

    I needed to read this. This week has been like that for me, and today was a giving up day. I have a medical condition and extra stress really weights on me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm weak, tired, and can't think at all. All I've wanted to do all day is sleep, but I can't because I have a family to care for. But I need to stop wanting to rage quit. I can't do that anyway. I need to take my eyes off the mountain, and focus on taking one step at a time. Thanks so much for your honesty. You touch many people and today, I was one of them. Much love and prayers to you!

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  99. i have wanted to rage quit at work since tuesday morning. today, instead of rage quitting, i went to the bathroom, and while i was in there i let out a short scream. it helped long enough to get through the rest of my day. just keep swimming, and remember even superwoman has bad days!

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  100. I don't normally comment, but you really struck a nerve! I have always loved reading your blogs and I really feel that if we were neighbors or met in real life that we'd be friends. And it's partially because of moments like this. This entire semester I have had a Rage-Quit attitude. I had to take the semester off from school because of depression and anxiety and while I'm getting the help I've so desperately needed, most of the time I'm just tired and fed up and want to binge on Firefly or Doctor Who. I think it's great that you're always honest with us readers. I personally think it's terrifying to let everything out there here on the interwebs.

    But then I read something like this and you give me hope for my struggle and for yours. I'm behind you, and support you, and thank you for showing that support I needed by posting this.

    Sending much love, prayers, happy feelings, unicorns and pixie dust your way!

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  101. Yep, me too.

    I owe you a big thank you, because you have been open and honest about your mental quirks, I have been able to share with friends the struggle I sometimes have. And, you know what? Every one of them has been accepting and glad that I felt I could share. So THANK YOU!! We are not alone when we let others in.

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  102. I believe everyone has those moments and sometimes a Sherlock (or Doctor Who or Star Wars or Star Trek or old school cartoons) marathon is needed. Remember, do not focus on the failures (as easy as it is), just take a breath, learn from mistakes and move on. We (the Epbot community) are here for you!

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  103. I wasted an entire morning today watching documentaries on Netflix, there was laundry to fold and dishes to put away. I just couldn't get up and do them. Gravity affects me that way. I think the occasional wasting time wasting time is good for the soul, but most days its mind over mind and remembering its one foot in front of the other. Sure, its easier to stay home and do nothing even though you KNOW you'll have fun if you go out with friends.

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  104. I am always surprised to learn that others have similar feelings about stuff like that and it really does make me feel less alone.

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  105. "Remember, it is just a bad day, not a bad life."
    So very hard for me to remember on those bad days.

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  106. Thanks for this! I've had a terrible week and today was definitely a rage-quit day. Seeing you end on a positive note with this post makes me want to end on a good note, too :)

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  107. i needed to hear this. I feel this way a lot, but it's so hard to express and I think you were able to put it into words so well. thank you.

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  108. I feel you! I have always called it the burn it all down phase. I just feel like I want to chuck everything and crawl in my hole and be alone in the ashes of my overwhelmed world. Rage Quit is exactly what it is, as I have gotten older it isn't as often, but still a battle to be fought. Thanks Jen for sharing and giving us a 'me too' community.

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  109. I don't so much ragequit as much as I don't start at all. I'll call it startquit because the moment I start, even with a great idea with it all planned out and with all the materials in front of me, I'll quit because I'm afraid of failing. Let's just blame my upbringing and all of the 90% tests I brought home that were derided by mom with a "what happened to 100?". Along with the helpful reminder that projects create messes and I don't get 100%s anyway so why bother if it won't be perfect. You'd think at age 42 I'd have figured out how wrong that mentality was. I've completed very successfully lots of projects but they always loom over the horizon like a big fail.

    And then I eat a pint (or two) of ice cream while watching Criminal Minds.



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  110. OMG, me too! It's like you're spying on me. I just rage quit about 20 minutes ago. I suffer from anxiety & depression too. A lot of things I my life are kind of messed up & difficult because of it, plus other things in my life are messed up because life doesn't run smoothly. I'm just so tired of trying and feeling like I get no where. That every time I think I'm making some progress, something else goes wrong. I feel like I just can't catch up. Right now a bunch of things are going wrong & I'm totally overwhelmed and have pretty much no one that can help me much. I have pretty much no one to talk to about it all either, except for my therapist and that's only for a little while a couple of times a month. I wish so much for a break, to be able to catch my breath, and start again with renewed focus, but if wishes were fishes, my cat would eat for free. I'll regroup and sally forth, but sometimes I wonder if there's going to be much of me left once I finally manage to do & get through so much

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  111. It's encouraging to hear that others experience times like that. Projects (and other things) go badly sometimes, and I rage-quit too.

    My mom is a ceramic sculptor, and bad projects don't get her down... she just says (about the clay), "It didn't want to be this sculpture. It wants to be something else."

    (p.s., 5 hours watching Sherlock... swoon!)

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  112. I can relate as well, I've taken time outs from live. I'm not really an introvert, but just painfully insecure. My hubby doesn't understand why, and neither do I sometimes, but when it hits, it hits hard. You're brave to open up about your feelings, and remember that you're an inspiration to many of us facing similar issues.

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  113. Thank you so much for this post and for all the comments people have left encouraging each other! I had such a rage quit day today think I started and stopped 3 diffrent projects and 2 diffrent video games before finally giving up and watching marvel movies all day. After reading this I don't feel so much like a failure at life for not finishing anything but a bag of cookies today because we all have days like this.

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  114. I'm not artistic or talented enough to rage quit projects (because there are none) but I get angry with myself for not doing life better.

    I love that quote, I wish I could find real life people where that was true.

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    1. Sometimes I wish the world was smaller so all of us here could all hang out IRL.

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  115. Me too! I basically rage-quit life for two years, it all just felt like too much so I gave up and stayed in bed with chocolate and Supernatural. I can really relate on wasting time regretting wasting time, I spent so much time worrying about how
    I wasn't achieving anything and hating myself for being so useless. Then I come here, and find a whole bunch of people saying "me too!" So thanks for making me feel less useless.

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  116. I know how you feel jen, sometimes i want to rage quit life. And i do, and don't even realize it. When things get stressful at work (when i have techs calling in, my office manager calling in, customers calling in, and about fifty things that NEED DONE RIGHT NOW" i just freeze. and it affects my ENTIRE week. I feel like i can't get anything of value accomplished. So i go home and stream "Charmed" or "Mythbusters" on NEtflix while i try and learn a knit stitch lol.
    Though for marathon watching. Sherlock is good to go. It is my new obsession! I have watched all of seasons 1-3 and am dying for the next season.

    Having friends internet and otherwise help a lot, they let me unload and sometimes tell me "you are acting petulant get over it" but only when i need to hear it. or i read this (i know i dont know you personally but i would love to hug your neck one day) and i am like"I am so freaking NOT alone!!! " :)

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  117. Jen, I love this post so hard. I'm in the middle of a very time-consuming and tiring transition, and I've been getting overwhelmed by how worn down I feel and how much there is to do. But I decided a day or two ago to try not to let that squash my sense of humor--mostly because I like myself better with a sense of humor, and having a sense of humor, while not making the exhaustion go away, makes it easier to bear. ;-)

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  118. Thanks for this Jen, and all of you in the comments too! You've encouraged me not to rage-quit/start another cosplay. It's my boyfriend's idea (Mortal Kombat), but every time I ask for his opinion on something he's pretty non-helpful and will probably wait until the last minute to do anything. I know it's because I envision things better (plus he doesn't do enough crafting to know how long stuff will actually take) but it's frustrating. So I'll just start designing mine and he can join in when he's ready. :) Hugs and Oreos for everyone!

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  119. I know the feeling well. When I hit that wall, I always aim to simply switch to another project. If work has me banging my head on the desk, I'll go sit at the sewing machine for half an hour or so. Although, there certainly are some times when only watching Sherlock can help!

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  120. Me too! I'm showing this post to my fiance tonight so he might understand what I thought was only in my head.

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  121. OK, I didn't know what "rage-quit" meant so it took me a couple of days to click over here. So much food for thought! I am constantly alternating between "you're ok, you're getting done what has to be done" and "you're a mess, other than the essentials you're letting everything slide." Have been here for a while.

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  122. I spent half of December in an Epic Sulk because a project I agreed to do for a friend-- which I had supposed would be super-simple and take no time at all-- ended up being Unreasonably Complicated and taking up all the time I had planned to use for my own projects. Simple things are not supposed to trick you by being complicated at the last minute!! Thanks for the reminder, though-- I have one persnickety project that has annoyed me by hitting a snarl, and has consequently been put on the back burner for many months now, that I really would like to pull back out and finish up, if only for that sense of Awesome Accomplishment that I wanted when I decided to start it!

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  123. *~sigh~~* My people! :-D Hugs for everyone... and pass the oreos! :-)

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  124. So I read several paragraphs into the post reading "rage quiLting" every time. All I could picture was you angrily stabbing your needle in and out of quilt pieces with a grrrr face. I completely understand rage quitting and wish I have answers, but I don't; however, a pick-me-up might be to picture rage quilting because now I'm chuckling!

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    1. Ha! This made me laugh so I drew a stick person rage-quilting.

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  125. Hi Jen, long time follower first time commenting. When I saw the post I was a little afraid. I don't want you to take a sabbatical from Epbot. You keep me up to date on things that are cool so my teenagers think I'm a hip mom. I really don't know where you come up with all the fantastic stuff you do. I really just wanted to comment so you know many of us love your work but never leave any positive feed back. I think you are awesome. I just am a little shy and hate putting myself out there.

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  126. I had to come back and re read this today. Yesterday I was in the zone with my sewing projects, today everything is going wrong. Thanks for giving me the push to keep chugging along no matter how many times I need to pick up my seam ripper.

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  127. OMG thank you THANK YOU JEN - I needed to read that - yesterday was what can only be described as something rhyming with 'buster' and 'cluck'. I was at work so all I could do was grit my teeth and smile and try to suck it up, princess. But inside I was raging and feeling really guilty about it. I have a huge wedding cake commission (well, I say commission but it's being done for free) going on in my 'spare' time and everything's going wrong there too (no, you CAN'T have a picture for CakeWrecks, I'm not a pro so I'm allowed to suck out loud. So there! (see, still raging!)).

    Anyway, YES, me too and THANK YOU for being brave enough to talk openly about personal challenges that the rest of us are too chicken to broadcast on the net .. but brave enough to log into comments and say 'me too'.

    As for things getting left ... sheesh. I've been trying to organize myself to find the pic of my daughter in her DIY Steampunk getup at last YEAR's steamcon since October and mail it to you. One of these days!

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  128. While I wish you weren't in this situation, I am actually happy that I am not the only one who goes through this. And not just with crafts. I can get this way when anything I'm doing doesn't come out right.

    THANK YOU!

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  129. When I first read the title of this poster, I thought you wrote "Rage Quilt" and was truly puzzled by what the heck that was. I actually kind of think a rage quilt could be a very interesting project! And reading other comments I see I'm not the only one who mis-read this is quilt! How funny, we are obviously a crafty group. I also want to add, I love reading your blog and am so impressed by the projects you and John create.

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  130. You're great, and have more crafty talent in two fingers on your left hand that I will have in my whole life. I'm okay with that. I'm good at other things You be okay with you. To quote John Legend "I love all your perfect imperfections".

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  131. Hi Jen,

    This may be the first time I am commenting on Epbot and it totally might get lost among the comments {I just love your supportive fan/friend base}, but I felt the need to write to you and say thank you. I struggle on a daily basis with beating myself up for little failures and regretting the time I've wasted doing as such. I try to tell myself, as does my amazing Hubs, that it is ok just to chill and breathe when I "rage quit" or just feel overwhelmed with all that is going on around me. But it makes me feel better that, like you said, others are going through the same battle. I suffer from anxiety issues that result in health issues and I just wish I had a friend like you that I could relate to. So, again, thanks for putting a few things in perspective and letting me know that someone else understands what I am going through.
    By the way, are you going to DragonCon or LeakyCon? I am going to my first Cons this year and would love to see what cosplay costumes you have created!

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    1. Thank you, Carrie! And yes, DragonCon for sure, so I hope I see you there!

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  132. I am super hard on myself as well. I get frustrated when things do not come easily to me. Likely learning to play guitar, it is a life long dream to play but I can't seem to wrap my head or hands around it and so I end up angry at myself for even trying.
    I tried to explain to my husband that I don't deal well with things that don't come naturally to me. I like that quote "Jack of all trades Master of none" that is me to a tee. I can cook and craft and sew and am creative but there are some things that scare the hell out of me because I don't get them on the first try.
    I pride myself on being able to pick up skills super quickly so when I hit a snag I am so much harder on myself then is really required. I am working on it. I try to give everything at least three goes before giving up totally. I try to recognize and come to grips with the fact that I can't do everything.
    For example my husband looks at an object and can see all the things it can be turned into, however he often lacks the skills to MAKE it into something else. Me I look at a lump of plastic and wire and wood and see lumps of plastic wire and wood, however if my husband gives me HIS vision I can always figure out how to make it work. So we decided we go into business together. He is the vision and my extra pair of hands while I work out the end product. And so far it is working. We are still figuring out where to sell all our of finished creations but we HAVE them and the process works for us if we just let it.
    I often see this in your relationship with John. When I read your posts I can see the creative force and the execution force and it is a good reminder to me that I do not have to be and do everything sometimes it is ok to just be the support in the creative part.
    Oh and stepping away from your work is not a bad idea once in a while and why else is netflix there is not to binge watch in times to stress. Give yourself a break and permission to not be perfect all the time and when you are not looking you just might find that perfection was sneaking up on you anyway.

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  133. "The weeks we spend drifting through work and watching too much Netflix, because it's just easier that way. The projects abandoned on the dining room table, the e-mails left unanswered, the dinner dates canceled, the box of Oreos inhaled for breakfast. (WHAT.)" and "Now here I am, five hours of Sherlock later" -- I swear you were speaking directly to me. I find myself doing this more and more. Too much on my plate, kids, work, home... And then something triggers me to get my act into shape and check back in to the game. So nice to hear that I am in good company :)

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  134. This speaks to me so much, Jen - I'm in college and focusing on a Victorian studies major, and sometimes just one little thing can be too overwhelming and I just have to hide in a burrow of blankets and Netflix for a week. But I really love what I'm learning and I love what I do, and ultimately I regret not taking that time and delving deeper into my material and writing papers about romantic poetry or reading about Victorian architecture or whatever it is. Also, I don't know if you've seen this yet, but a DIY Youtube channel featured your antique mirrors tutorial with some amusing results.

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  135. I spend way too much time watching Netflix. I put my life on hold and feel like everything is too much that trying is boring and frustrating and even if I try, it won't be enough anyway, so why should I try anyway?

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  136. I used to rage-quit in my teens until my early twenties. And then it seemed like I got my emotions under control and really took hold of my life. Now I am 39 and just realized that when I was telling my boss a few months ago that "I'M DONE! I'M DONE!" that I was rage-quitting again. (I repeat myself when upset.) Luckily I didn't quit my job or anything drastic. So I am going to do what I did in my mid-twenties. I am going to evaluate where I am and make some changes. Last time I moved from Ohio to Texas. I began doing things that interested me, even if I was doing them alone because none of my friends were interested. And I am going to stop being so hard on myself. No one is perfect and other people can stuff their criticism where the sun don't shine, because I don't have to conform to the life path they think I am supposed to follow.

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  137. We rage-quit our daily life because we're hating on ourselves for "failing" and not being able to do all the things we're supposed to be doing, and WE ASSUME THAT NOBODY ELSE WILL MISS US BECAUSE WE'RE SUCH A FAILY-LOSER MCFAIL-ASS.

    But this is not true.

    Every time you (and that's "you" as in "any of us") just "drop off the face of the earth" for a prolonged period because you hate your own failing loser ass so bad, somebody else misses you. Somebody would have been happy and grateful for the results of something that you gave up on---whether it was a project submitted by deadline, or a friendly "hello" while you ran errands, or a phone call to keep in touch, or a blog post, or a gift you were making---and they would have thought it was PLENTY good enough. (Maybe not perfect, no, but YOU are the only person who keeps insisting that what you do isn't good enough unless it's perfect.)

    Take the downtime that you need, but just remember that somebody is missing what you contribute to their lives and will be happy to see you back.

    Kimstu

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  138. I know exactly what you mean! I obviously have experienced moments like that throughout my life and I see my kids having those moments *frequently*. I struggle with finding a balanced way to explain it to them- they are allowed to feel frustrated and vent about it, but not flip out, quit, scream, or call themselves stupid. We talk a LOT about perseverance. Being a living, feeling human being is really hard sometimes!

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  139. Thanks for posting this. Takes a lot of courage to open yourself up like that. I just want to say that you are such an inspiration and encouragement to me (John, too, but especially you). Your blog and the whole Epbot community has really helped me to stretch my craftiness and to embrace my inner-geek and not care so much about what other people think, because there is always someone out there who shares my geekiness. So in the midst of oreo-eating and Sherlock-watching (who doesn't love a good Sherlock marathon?), just remember how much we all love you and support you! Praying for you!

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  140. This post has actually made me a little weepy. I've been so stuck the past two months. I know a lot of it is this really super sucky winter. We've had 27 total days with sub zero temperatures since January, and 18 of those have been consecutive. I don't do winters well to begin with, and this one has just been beyond brutal. And I haven't been writing or posting or anything because it's just easier to watch Doctor Who and play games on my daughter's iPod. I've been rage quitting without the rage. But as you said, knowing that others share your certain kind of crazy helps. Thank you for being you and being relatable and for not making me feel quite so alone in my time-wasting misery.

    I know the corner will turn. I believe in my heart that (some day) spring will come and the sun will shine and it will be warm and I will no longer feel like hiding in my hole and not playing. In the meantime, thanks for giving me a reality check and a little bit of hope.

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  141. Oh. This week. Me too, again and again and again. Thanks for the quote and the reality check.

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  142. I also upset my husband by rage-quitting. I am a perfectionist, and if something is not working out right, I would rather quit then finish poorly. Right now I am working on my Master's thesis, and there have been so many times when I wanted to give up, especially since I am a year behind schedule. But I keep trying again, and maybe one day I'll finish it.

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  143. This is my personality to a T! Thanks for putting this struggle in words and for making me feel not alone, too. :) For all those nights I just give up and stay up way too late compulsively refreshing Tumblr- I will remember this post.

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  144. You're a life-saver, Jen. I'm not a gamer, so I can't identify with "rage-quitting", but I will shut down and binge watch Harry Potter. Some days reading your blog makes all the difference. Thanks.

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  145. I don't know, Jen. You mean your life ISN'T all awesome crafts, skittles and unicorns?

    Well, that's a relief! When my dog can't stay clean in the house, the kids can't be bothered to pick up their toys, and my husband can't rinse the over easy yolk off his plate so it doesn't stick, and Dr. Zomboss completely sucks in PvZ2, it's easy to say, "well, I'll just sit and watch things grow in Hay Day... ALL DAY..." Though eventually I get to the point that I realize it's my life I'm wasting by zoning out of it, and I get back in there and scrub the egg off.

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    1. So I scrubbed the egg off, and managed to drop my favorite mixing bowl into the dishwasher, where it shattered. At least I don't break things when I play Hay Day.

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    2. Hate it when you've pulled it together, then another kabloooie!

      Here is a big hug for you --

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  146. Hello my name is _______ and I'm a rage quitter. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one!

    I'm most likely to erupt if I'm hot and dehydrated, and/or in a cramped space, and/or doing a task that I haven't prepared for adequately, and/or haven't budgeted enough time for. It makes me hiss and spit like a cornered feral cat.
    Leaving the task, and the area, in search of cooler temperatures and a frosty beverage sometimes helps a bit, but I don't always go back to the task that caused the rage quit.

    My most recent "loss of calm" was triggered by a vacuum cleaner that is also prone to rage quitting (I still haven't had another go at reducing the dust bunny population in the hall...).

    Thank you for reminding me that I am not the only person who has this character trait! :)

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  147. This has been my last few days. I'm trying hard to keep it all together and not let it get me down into something deeper (and to remind myself a large contributing factor this time is pregnancy hormones) but it's been hard. This post and the comments fit that quote so perfectly, though. And they do so often. It's one of the reasons I love your blog. <3

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  148. Thank you so much for that! I really needed it! I have a tendency to take the easy way out and shut people out when stuff gets hard or 'rage-quit' projects when I really just need a fresh perspective. Thanks for letting me know that, "What, you too?" Was out there as well. ;) (My best friend turned me on to your site. She and I feel that you are our Anne Shirley/kindred spirit down in Florida. If two girls show up at your door to go on a whirlwind trip around the Disney Parks [our favorite place!], you'll know who it is!)

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  149. Wow, the title takes on a whole new meaning when you misread it as Rage Quilt. I was picturing some horrid quilt that was hastily thrown together with awful color combinations in the shape of a middle finger or cuss word.

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  150. My husband is the super-hero in our combo (ironically, he's also named John), while I am the rage-quitter. I've been trying for YEARS to get my house organized, keep everything and everyone clean, do my projects, and in general just keep going. My husband on the other hand, works 80+ hours a week, and Just. Keeps. Going.

    On occasion we take 'mental health days' where he takes a day off (he gets PTO) and we do something that helps our brains unwind from the twisted string we have going on.

    And then we keep going. Or he does. I at least try to.

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  151. Ugh. I've been there. Like when you spend (not exaggerating here) *5 and a half hours* writing eight measures of music for a class and it comes back with a big D on top. Nope. I'm done.

    As a side note I gave up most of the internet for lent. My only exceptions were the roleplay I'm doing with my sister, business email, and Epbot. That's how awesome your blog is :P

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  152. You mean it's NOT ME JUST BEING ME?.....Oh Hallelujah. Jen, thank you for your honesty, courage and grace. Consider your self virtually hugged - or back-slapped, or handed a cup of coffee or whatever you need. And give Lily and Tonks a cuddle from me.

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  153. Oh, do I get you. Months ago, I rage-quit the Star Trek role playing forum that I run because too many forces conspired to make me feel like I needed a permanent time-out from people. I didn't think about all those friends I had made, all the members who have been enjoying the RP for over four years, and all the fun we had been having. It was a simple, knee-jerk reaction caused by my overemphasized flight/fight responses. Only when I finally gave in and read the responses from the members did I realize how much they cared about me and how much I would miss the fun. It's easy to rage quit, but much, much harder to come back and say you're sorry.

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  154. I so needed to read this today. I've been angry all weekend due to things that are beyond my control. I seriously decided to just stop people and stop work and just stop. Ugh. Here's a very loud, "ME TOO!" from my corner.

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  155. Have you been spying on me? Because this post seriously sounds like it was written about me. XD From regretting wasting time, to watching too much Netflix, and even eating Oreos for breakfast (literally, I had Golden Chocolate Creme Oreos for breakfast like, yesterday). I've had too many I-give-up days lately, but I just can't seem to find the strength to pull myself out of it. The worst part of that is when it leads to the temptation to literally quit life. I have bipolar disorder and I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts a lot lately. Sometimes it's hard to remember what I am living for. But it really does help to know that I'm not the only one struggling with stuff like this. So thanks for being brave enough to share and give me the chance to say "me too."

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  156. oh Jen, i feel you.
    My life is so topsy-turvey lately that i bounce from Rage Quit to Apathy Whimper every day.
    We all need to forgive ourselves and extend the grace to ourselves that we freely give to our friends.
    Take care.

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  157. I just wanted to add my voice to all the rest saying thank you - I hope you have some inkling of how much difference you make to people across the world (but hopefully not in an overwhelming way!) I've had a tough couple of months and recently started self-harming again in my own form of rage-quitting, but this post really helped me see that, though I really need to get back to better coping mechanisms, maybe I'm not a total loon :S

    Reading this site (and the comments beneath) makes me think of a quote from Alan Bennett (UK author/playwright, wrote The History Boys etc) - it's 'as if a hand has come out, and taken yours'. Epot is definitely the safest, warmest place on the internet!

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  158. I didn't know that term, but I do it all the time. Sometimes it's when everything I try to get done takes 3 times longer than it should, when something goes wrong with everything I try to do. But lots of times, it's just dealing with my normal everyday life. I'm always behind on what I should be doing, and it's so much easier to not even try than to keep trying to catch up and continually fail. So, I go on facebook, check email, surf the internet. All the while, I'm making it that much harder to actually catch up. I recognize it's not that smart, but sometimes life is so hard to just keep doing when you can't see any progress.

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  159. Usually when I am beginning to feel the urge to rage quit, I excuse myself and make a cup of tea. It is a silly little thing, but it removes me (physically and mentally) from the situation and gives me a bit of perspective. Even a tiny bit of perspective can be enough to keep from pitching a fit. Sometimes I come back ready to get back to work (often having a clever new idea about how to approach the moments-ago insurmountable problem), sometimes the project gets put on the hate-shelf (especially if it HAS to get done, but I just can't handle working on it right now). And sometimes, I just effing quit. If it is not important and it is making me crazy, that's why dumpsters were invented. I find the worst thing to do is try to push through if a project needs some time to mellow out on the hate-shelf or needs to meet its demise.

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  160. Yes, this is me, too. I take on too much, then get overwhelmed, then procrastinate and put things off because I don't even want to think of all the work that has to get done, then wake up in a panic at 4 a.m. because I have put things off, then get overwhelmed again and think I'm a failure. It's a vicious cycle.
    I posted this link to The Onion on my FB page recently:
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-today-the-day-they-find-out-youre-a-fraud,35133/
    because this is how I feel much of the time--that "they" are going to find out I'm not all that great. I'm not sure who "they" is but "they" take up a lot of my emotional energy and make me feel pretty lousy.
    So, thanks, Jen--and others on this list. Why are we all so hard on ourselves?

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  161. I just want to rage quit everything right now. Glad I am not alone.

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  162. Oh, yeah. I am an elementary school teacher, and I know EXACTLY what you mean. I see it in myself: one day I feel like I ROCK and am the best second grade teacher the world has ever known. MAN, those kids are lucky to have me this year. The next day? I lose my cool, can't teach addition and am exhausted by morning recess. I waste a lot of time dissecting my failures.

    I see it in my kiddos too - they go from exaltation at succeeding at folding a paper boat to despairing at addition... all in a day.

    I think it's reality, but I am trying to live transparently in front of them. I make a big point of asking for forgiveness when I mess up, and they are learning to do the same thing. If we can all learn that by June I will be pretty happy.

    Hang in there, peeps. We're human.

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  163. I had a rage-quit moment last week, unfortunately I was at work. I literally threw my hands up and said (out loud and everything) "I can't take this anymore, I am going on my break" and walked out of the room. Then I closed myself in our staff room, ate my snack, and took a few breaths. I was much calmer when I went back, albeit a bit embarrassed.

    Jen, I admire you for putting yourself out there and facilitating these conversations. It really does help remind us that we (none of us) are in this alone.

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  164. I know I'm a little late to the party...but *hugs for you*. Don't sweat the small stuff love. I have a similar issue in that I over - analyze every. little. situation., for good or for bad. Doing this keeps me from being present all of the time in my own life. When I catch myself doing it, I take a deep breath and remind myself that today is the only "today" that I'm going to have. Tomorrow is a new one, but is neither promised or guaranteed to me. So I shake it off and tell myself "no more!". And just that moment of reflection is often enough for the rest of the day. I also have a phenomenal husband who helps snap me out of it from time to time too, or just tells me I'm being silly and I trust in him that I am. I wish us, all of us, anyone who has commented that they feel the same/similar, a sigh of relief today in all aspects of our lives. Whether it's a project, or simply life itself bringing you down. Chins up! Let us all enjoy the ride while we can. :)

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  165. This happens to me all the time. Sometimes, it over big things, but sometimes, the smallest thing can get me. I'm so glad I'm not alone.

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  166. Oh, Jen, thank you for this post... I've circled back to it for a week now... I'm not really in a place to give anything helpful right now, but I can say I'm a complete rage-quitter too... for me it's all-or-nothing mentality on overdrive...

    I'm watching a hobby group I dearly love failing because our beloved leader (the only leader of the group in it's 37 year existence) is aging and losing her ability to lead and teach. It was the best thing in my life (sucky job, rough family situation), and now I'm watching it fall apart as well as seeing someone who has been deeper than family to me start accelerating along the journey into night... and it's taking everything I have to stay engaged, to help the group through the rough times, and to love her through the end. It's breaking my heart and is the worst case of NEEDING the rage-quit I've ever had -- because I want the "safety" of giving up, and I don't think I could forgive myself if I ran away from her last months as our director. (And it could be years, we just know things have really gone downhill since the beginning of this year particularly -- slow down hill for 3-4 years, nosedive since January.)

    The one thing I can say that may help explain why so many of us are in this place RIGHT NOW is that there actually are studies showing that the rapid change of light in March because of Daylight savings and the approaching solstice can make March as bad for some of us who tend toward anxiety/depression as November is (for those in Northern Hemisphere). I've realized recently that that's at least a part of why this time of year is harder for me to handle.

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  167. Um, did you get inside my head? Because everything you described, down to the oreo eating, seems awfully familiar... And seeing this many comments has also helped a ton because I was beginning to think that rage-quitting this graduate degree was a good idea. Now I just see I'm overwhelmed and tired and that's ok - because once I know it's a rage quit and not a real one, it's easier to deal with.

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  168. I've been doing this for years! There's also the flip side of rage-quitting - I call it "negative perfectionism". You have to get it right (i.e.perfect), but there's only one chance to get it "right" and 99 chances to be less than perfect. With such high odds of "failure", I can talk myself out of doing something and never even try.

    One night, my husband and I were watching some TEDtalks on Netflix and came across one from Ze Frank. Among other things,he shared the story of the "Chill-out Song". It's short, simple, and it really helps! Plus it makes me laugh, and I always feel better when I can laugh. We use it for lots of things now, whether it's blowing off road rage or work frustration or what have you.

    You can hear the Chillout song and see the storybehind it at Ze's website (http://www.zefrank.com/chillout/) or watch the TEDtalk here (http://www.ted.com/talks/ze_frank_s_web_playroom). Hope it helps you, too!

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  169. This! So much it's described in here that I had to comment. I've read this page for years, and this moved me enough to know I had to comment. I do this, I get told by others in my profession this is not ok, but it is ok for me because the rage-quit, sulk, regroup is healthier than keeping it in than wrecking my health. I'm a therapist by day, and I make it a rule to look at habits like these for my clients and help them weigh the pros and cons. Rage quit for a few days, so that by next week you are back fresh and revived and maybe just lost a few days/nights to it, or keep pushing too far past what is healthy and end up hospitalized due to stress, relapsing, or worse. Be kind to yourself, introverts suffer so much already (again raises hand for this is me) that mental vacations such as our rage quits can be essential. The key is to know your limits and have safety people around to keep the "I need a break" from going too far.

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  170. ...HA! I've been Rage-Surfing Epbot all day instead of doing any actual work because I got "fired" by a client this morning. (A client who I'm kind of glad to be rid of, actually.) I'm scared to death to go home because I know I'm going to pout around and my husband will try to make me feel all better but I won't want to feel better, and I might Rage-Make-Him-Eat-Cereal-for-Dinner and that's such a load of selfish b.s. If nothing else, I've realized how much I missed Epbot in the last few months as I've been too busy being A Serious Overly-Important Full-time Litigator. The gorgeous colors and textures here just make me so happy. I love you!

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