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The Manliest Thing John Has Ever Done

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

[Note: I promise I do know what day it is; I just wrote this last Friday night.]


John is spending his Friday night tonight fixing our friends' toilet. And not the "change out the flapper ball" kind of fixing, but rather the "remove the entire bowl and replace the wax ring and bolts" kind of fixing. He's handy like that.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here in the quiet house, listening to the wall clock tick and debating just how bad of a person it would make me if I played DeathSpank: The Baconing while John's off slaving over a toilet repair that I *might* have volunteered him for.

Not that John didn't want to do it, of course. John loves helping people, which is one of the things I love most about him. He just also loves playing Borderlands 2, which I might have interrupted to remind him to go buy a new wax ring.

So, here I sit, and since I've decided playing a video game *would* make me a bad person, instead I'm going to tell you about The Manliest Thing John has ever done.

This actually came up a few months ago, when John - who is a closet Redditor - mentioned there was a thread going over there asking readers for their "manliest" feat. I'm sure the thread was full of survivalist tales of strength and testosterone, of which John has no short supply, so I wondered which he would choose. The time he single-handedly replumbed an entire house? The time he carried a giant leather couch up a U-haul ramp on his back? Or maybe one of his construction projects: roofing, wiring, pouring concrete slabs - really, he had his pick.

But instead:

"I think mine would be that thing I did for Ken," John mused. I looked at him for a second, remembering, and I nodded. "Yeah," I said, "Definitely that."

Here's the thing John did for Ken:

About seven years ago, John and I convinced our friends Ken and Sue to go on a Disney cruise with us. We were big cruise nuts back then - and still are, though we don't go as often - and liked to strong-arm our friends into going with us whenever possible.

Now, Ken is the kind of guy who leans forward when he's talking to you, and makes you feel like you're the most interesting person on the planet. He's one of the most open, kind-hearted, and instantly-likable guys you'll ever meet. And his wife, Sue, is as fun-loving and spontaneous as he is kind. So, naturally, they're the perfect cruise companions.

Ok, so, two things you need to know about Ken: 1) he loves to swim, and was eager to try snorkeling in the Caribbean, and 2) he has muscular dystrophy, and is in a wheelchair.

The Caribbean is anything but ADA-compliant, but with our experience and connections John and I were fairly confident we could get Ken as far as the small snorkel boat in Grand Cayman while in his manual wheelchair. The seemingly insurmountable hurdle at that point, though, was getting Ken safely into and out of the water, since he wouldn't be able to lower or raise himself down the boat's metal ladder. Once in the water, though, he could manage just fine with a life jacket on.

John's solution was as simple as it was terrifying: he would carry Ken on his back into and out of the water.

And because Ken wasn't strong enough to hang on while John carried him, John would also fashion a back harness that Ken could ride in.

I've been looking for photographic evidence of this harness, but somehow have yet to find any. It was a simple affair, though, built around a special sling made of strong netting lent to us by another disabled friend. (The sling is the kind used for transferring people into and out of their chairs or beds.) John attached seatbelt strapping to this sling with industrial strength grommets, turning the sling into a kind of giant backpack that Ken could sit in. His legs would hang around John's waist, and he'd have his arms around John's neck. (There were also straps fitted around John's waist, for extra support.)

The hardest part of this plan was getting Ken up onto John's back initially. To do so, Ken would have to put the sling/harness on while still in his chair, and then John would have to lean backwards over Ken, slip on the shoulder straps and attach the waist buckle, and straighten up, hopefully lifting Ken with him and not toppling over backwards.

As I'm sure you can imagine, Sue found this entire prospect pretty alarming, but we tested the harness with me in it (which I don't mind telling you was ridiculously fun), and demonstrated that John really was strong enough to manage it. (STRONG LIKE BULL.) Of course, I'm not as heavy or tall as Ken, so we were all still pretty nervous. In fact, I think the only person who *wasn't* terrified was Ken. Ken had complete confidence in John, and it showed. For every harness test beforehand he was joking around and completely at ease while John walked him around their living room.

The day of the trip rolled around, and as expected, we made it out to the snorkel boat in Grand Cayman without a hitch. The guys on the boat were with a company John and I had used several times before, and they were amazing about helping lift Ken's chair onto the boat - and later they were extra attentive with Ken in the water, making sure he was Ok at all times.

When the time came for John to pick Ken up, we waited until most of the other passengers were already in the water, so we'd have less of an audience. Even so, everyone left onboard stood 'round and collectively held their breath as John, straining to keep his balance on the pitching deck, slowly raised Ken from his wheelchair. All that was missing was some dramatic music and a few slo-mo closeups; it was that tense. There was one terrifying instant where John slipped a little (and pulled a thigh muscle, though we didn't learn that 'til later), but then he was up! And there might have been a little applause - I honestly can't remember through the haze of suspense. (I wish I had a photo of this, but I think I was too busy clutching my face in terror at the time. Heh.)

From there it was the relatively simple matter (ha!) of John walking over the rocking deck and climbing down the side of the boat into the water.  Once they were most of the way in the water, John was able to unclip the harness and let Ken float, where Ken immediately set to snorkeling -  for his first time!

Roughly thirty minutes later, they reversed the process to get Ken back *in* the boat.

As I've written this all out, I can see with fresh eyes just how ridiculously insane we all were to try it, but at the same time, that snorkel trip remains one of my most cherished memories. There was something amazing about making that possible for our friends, and also about watching my husband, giddy with excitement, showing off his harness sling creation for the first time.

And that is the manliest thing John has ever done.

Oh, and here's the one presentable photo I have from that snorkel trip:


This is Ken and Sue on the trip out to the reef. Note the complete LACK of terror in their eyes. Now that's friendship, right there. :)


Many thanks to Ken and Sue for letting me share this. Let's get together again soon, guys!

Posted by Jen at 3:58 PM Labels: ,

109 comments:

  1. Epic WIN — fabulous story. John has my vote for Manliest Man of All.

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  2. What an amazing friend! Everyone deserves a friend like John.

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  3. Oh. My. God. That isn't the manliest thing John has ever done: that's in the Top 5 All Time Manliest Things ANYONE Has Ever Done. That smile on Ken's face says it all.

    You two rawk. SO very hard.

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  4. That is more manly than any feat of strength. The manliest men see friend in need, fill the need, and don't expect anything in return.

    Dag nab it...I seem to have something in my eye now...

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  5. As someone who has worked with adults with both physical and mental disabilities, I understand just how hard this must have been for John. However, I also understand the utter joy of helping someone realize a dream that may have been impossible otherwise. This post brought tears to my eyes. You are one lucky lady!

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  6. I already adored John just from what you write about him, but now I've elevated him to my "best people ever" list.

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  7. John's a keeper, for sure. That story has my vote for Manliest Deed without a doubt.

    It also might have made me tear up just a little.

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  8. John is awesome- there is nothing more that I can say. And I wish you and he were friends with my hubby and I. Wanna adopt some more friends? ;)

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  9. Completely awesome. Sometimes it's best to not think about things too much at the time. Just go with the awesome.

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  10. Sooo if you ever dont want john anymore...just gimme a shout out ;) or put him on pinterest with the artwork, I am sure there are pleenty of takers....handsome and kind and handy bugger he is...

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  11. Loving, generous, patient, strong, both practical and imaginative - the very best kind of manly. Thanks for sharing such a great memory with us!

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  12. Wow. That had me all emotional just reading about it. John is THE MAN and should be named thus. :)
    You guys are awesome.

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  13. Awesome feat indeed. true friendship. No wonder you are proud of John. You both are strong in so many ways, and I am glad you have each other! Much love.

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  14. Wow. I am not sure I can think of a better word for that story. That is definitely one heck of a (hu)manly feat! Not to mention I'm impressed as hell with the ingenuity and determination required. :)

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  15. I know I've asked this before but, uhm.. John has a brother, right? :)

    Thank you SO much for sharing this!

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  16. Love, love, love this story. You two are so awesome, I wish I knew you in real life ;)

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  17. That is a manly deed which makes other so-called manly deeds pale in comparison. Pale to sickly green with envy that they can never ever achieve this level of utter manliness.

    This is what genuine manhood is about. Seeing a way to make others' lives better, finding a way to make it happen despite any personal inconvenience or cost, and counting it a privilege to be able to do so.

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  18. I have tears in my eyes right now because that is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. John, I would so squeeze the stuffing out of you right now.

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  19. AWESOME SAUCE with as side of AwESOME!

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  20. The amount of love that you two put out into the world is phenomenal. You two make the world a better place just by being yourselves in it.

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  21. It did get dusty in here all of a sudden didn't it?

    John truly is a prince among men. You guys are both an inspiration for your kindness and generosity to others.

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  22. Okay, maybe it's the hormones, but I am BAWLING right now. <3 John is an amazing guy, and I am thankful that I got the chance to meet you guys, and read your blogs daily. Totes the most manly man, right there.

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  23. John sure is super, with a side of awesomesauce. Yup. If you ever took the time to give him all the e-hugs people send him (or even just think at him), you'd probably never stop hugging him. {{HUG}}

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  24. Yes. What a great thing Jon did for his friend. We need more people guys like him in the world. You two really do ROCK!

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  25. That is one of the top 5 Manliest Things EVER, not just for John, but any man. Not just his physical strength, but for his obvious strength of character.

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  26. I have a niece who is in a wheelchair and from the deepest parts of my heart, I thank you for giving all four of you an AMAZING experience.

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  27. The world not only needs more people like John who are willing to give someone else a chance to live a dream but also more people like Ken who are accepting and confident in the abilities of their friends. Wonderful story, thanks for sharing it!

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  28. What an amazing friend! And I'm crying like a little kid who just got all of her candy taken away...

    Thank you for sharing!

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  29. I may be filling up a little, here, at the pure awesomeness that is your spouse. It's okay though, they're manly tears. Even though I'm a gurl. ..

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  30. This world needs not only more people like John who are willing to offer a friend a chance to live a dream, but also people like Ken who are confident in the abilities of their friends. Wonderful story, thank you for sharing!

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  31. He is without a doubt a manly man, not only with strength of the body, but also strength of the heart. After the mention of the slow motion and music, all I could think of was "Chariots of Fire" :)

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  32. That was an absolutely fantabulous story! Thank you for sharing it! :)

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  33. Why are my eyes leaking? You are so lucky, Jen. Thanks for the story.

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  34. I think I have something in both of my eyes... Weird how that happens every time I read something about John. *sniff* There need to be more men like John in the world, with more women like Jen to tell us the stories he is too modest to tell. You two are so amazing.

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  35. Lovely story, thanks for sharing it. Ahhh . . . the Livestrong Wristband: mandatory accessory of the aughts.

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  36. I don't know whether to cry or applaud or link this on every site I have a profile on... What an astounding tale of selfless friendship! Your friends (all of them) are very lucky people.

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  37. I'm all weepy now! That is _incredibly_ manly, and very, very, VERY sweet. John is 12 kinds of awesome!

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  38. I just don't have the words... amazing!

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  39. Jon & Jen,

    I have to agree, that manliest thing a REAL MAN can do, is selflessly helping someone else.
    <3 <3 <3

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  40. That is not only manly, but a really good example of why John should be cloned. :)

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  41. Yes, John is awesome...

    And I'm going to change the subject slightly here to inquire where the quote "Strong like bull" is from.

    Ok, back to John being awesome.

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  42. I like that of everything "Manly" he could think of. Kindness, determination and ingenuity top the list. I also like that of everyone you could invite to go on a trip with you, someone with "accommodation needs" topped your list. I think many of us would think "oh that would be too hard on them" and not give them the chance to decide that for themselves.

    We get what we deserve/earn in life. I am so glad you two found each other. What a wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing.

    And that eye thing must be contagious.

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  43. That is the single most beautiful tale of friendship I have ever read. on a completely unrelated note, I have something in BOTH my eyes.

    Way to go, John!

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  44. Yet again, a beautiful story about your lovely Husband. What an amazing thing to do. That's not the manliest thing any man has ever done, it's the nicest thing anyone EVER has done!!!

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  45. This is beyond awesomesauce, defintely worthy of awesomechutney!

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  46. Wow, and I already thought John was hawt.
    I once carried a friend piggy-back, 100 feet across the beach to snorkel when she had a broken ankle (just getting up made us look like a comedy routine), but I love the way John problem-solved with the sling.

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  47. I...uh...I seem to have something in my eye. Eyes. What an awesome story.

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  48. Ken sounds awesome. And my kind of guy. Also, being carried around in a human sized backpack sounds like more fun than I could imagine. Almost better than the snorkeling part.

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  49. John is an absolute peach, I have to say. I love that his Manliest Moment was less about him than it was about helping someone fulfill a dream. Climbing Everest or swimming with sharks pales in comparison. But then, I've long harbored the secret belief that John is a super hero minus the suit, between the couch-carrying, his sitting with you at the GYN, the replumbing, the house remodel, and (I'm sure) a million other Feats of Strength he regularly performs. You've got a keeper there, Jen. Thanks for letting us get another peak at your wonderful guy!

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  50. Johns rock the hall of manly men! I always feel like you and John are the kind of people I aspire to be.

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  51. You and John are my two favorite people in the whole world, and I don't even know you. You're just genuinely nice, and it's clear that you truly enjoy doing things that make the world a better place. I want to hang out with you. We should be neighbors. Want to move to Oregon, or should I move to Florida? Your call.

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  52. I bawled like a baby reading this.

    I adore John and wish I had someone like him in my life.

    John you rock!

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  53. Maybe the sling was from a Hoyer lift? (Which is why you wouldn't be able to google it, without either the Hoyer or the lift part.)

    That's a great story. Now if we can pass that version of manliness around the world, imagine ho wwonderful that would be.

    I also think Ken is up there in manliness quotient for being willing to do it! (I would have been scared to pieces.)

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  54. Thank you for the best story I've ready in a while! John is truly an amazing friend and person to make this happen for Ken, and maybe you inspired the snorkel boats to add a water sling and winch to their boats so those people with limitations on land can experience the ocean, where they can be as normal as possible because they don't have to fight gravity!
    My buddy Pete has congenital arthritis (knees and hips replaced before he was 25)and my husband and I are now HUGE ADA proponents - it kills us that the theater we work at is only ADA compliant in a limited manner for our patrons - if someone in a wheelchair wants to participate with a show, it would be very difficult.
    Thank you for the tears, and the smiles.

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  55. Seriously. He wins everything. Hands' down. Thanks for taking the time to share this story with us! The Interwebs need more aweseomsauce tales like this to brighten people's days!

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  56. So, the question is, did he actually post to the reddit thread? I want to find this thread and upvote the heck out of his response if so.

    John is amazing (as is Jen). Y'all are role models for the rest of humanity without necessarily trying to be.

    And I must have gotten something in my eye now...

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  57. Hi Jen,

    Thanks so much for sharing. I'm a long time reader, but I don't think I've commented yet. My father has MS and this post reminded me of a trip maybe 8 years ago to the Caribbean (which was right before he transitioned to a wheelchair full-time). A group of strangers helped him walk through the sand to the shallow water so he could snorkel. in the 20 minutes he was in the water, a ray and a turtle swam by. It was so special and one of my favorite memories.

    Sarah

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  58. I'm not sure who is luckier to have who--you or John. But I am glad you met, because every story of you + him that you tell brings a smile to my face.

    Btw, I'm not sure you have ever told the how we met story!

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  59. Your husband is an amazing friend, husband, heck - man! That has got to be the best story I have read in a long time. Good thing I'm happily married... and John has you! (haha, j/k). You guys are awesome. If by OH (Other Half) and I lived in Florida instead of British Columbia, we would totally be BFF's.

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  60. Oh great. You made me cry (in a really good, that was beyond a beautiful moment kind of way). Thank you for sharing that.

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  61. Thank you for sharing, Jen. And John -- you are everything she says you are.

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  62. You've got yourself an awesome man! That is a special friendship.

    On a separate note, how did I not know there was a video game with the words spank and bacon? I love bacon! Or are you just messing with us? You're totally messing with us, right?

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  63. That's wonderful. John is a like a superhero where his super secret weapon is compassion and his weakness is, ah, spiders. Yeah will go with that. Spiders.

    Spiders of awesome.

    *Okay I'm on some cough medication, so this might not make a whole lot of sense.

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  64. we need a new category. there are men, real men and John. this is the definition of friendship and a pure heart.

    -Barbara Anne

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  65. Wow- what a guy! That is a fantastic thing to do for a friend.

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  66. You and John restore my faith in humanity. Love you guys.

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  67. Amazing. Just, amazing. Thank you so much for sharing, Jen!
    Someone is cutting onions over here...

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  68. Yes, yes, but does he wear tights?! Sorry, I couldn't help myself. "We're men! We're manly men! We're Men In Tights!" (or something like that)

    I knew John(thoJ) was a manly man before, but now I'm thinking he might need to be elevated to sainthood.

    Andrea

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  69. Wow, that's amazing! I definitely teared up reading that story. :')

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  70. Every time I think I know how awesome John is, he outdoes himself. You've got quite a hubby there, Jen!

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  71. Someone must have been cutting up onions again while I read this. Had to be.
    Damn those onions....

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  72. Your man sounds wonderful! I have a friend in a wheel chair with weak arms and I wish I could offer him that kind of experience!

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  73. i just think our concept of what it means to me manly is skewed culturally.
    Technically i would have to say the manliest thing my partner has ever done would be impregnating me- but only on a technical level.
    Mine is the typical sensitive geek boy so many of us geek girls fall for...i remember the first week we dated i somehow talked him into building a gate for my mother- not a small one in a fence but a six foot high double doored one that had to swing open for the car and support it's own weight... about an hour into the process i went outside to check his progress and asked him how he was doing..
    I may have decided right there and then he was my future spouse when he told me..with great animation and gesturing- that his hand's were screaming "FIND A KEYBOARD YOU ASSHOLE"

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  74. No words. Your post was written as beautifully as John was manly. Thanks for sharing. (I guess there were some words. But they don't seem very sufficient.)

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  75. Oh my God, this brought tears to my eyes. John, you are a wonderful person and a wonderful friend.

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  76. Hands down the most manly thing! What a guy

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  77. John definitely wins the manliest man award in my books!

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  78. I'm all teary-eyed reading this! and I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that you guys are my favorite people on the Interwebz.

    I wish there were more people like you.

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  79. So I didn't scroll down far enough when I got to the photo. I read the words "one good photo from that trip," and I thought "Wow, Jen looks *really* different here next to her friend Ken. Almost like a completely different person!"

    Thank you so much for sharing this tale of your friendship with Ken and Sue.

    And how did the toilet-replacing go?

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  80. My sister had (she's now passed away) spina bifida and my father made sure that if I did something, he would find a way to allow her the same freedom. Their biggest feat involved water also. I learned to water ski when I was 7; by the time my sister was 7, she had water skied, on my father's shoulders, dozens of times, each summer. My father continued finding ways to allow her freedoms that her wheelchair didn't. She's been gone for 4 years now, but I'll never forget that I've always had my own Super Hero in my father. Thank you John, for being another Super Hero!

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  81. yep! John definitely gets my vote too! and my applause and my standing ovation and ( through you of course) a great big fan hug. If there is a way for readers to vote, please post a link for us : ) John definitely deserves to win for this compassionate, strong, loving, manly of all manliness feats ; )
    Jen, you are one lucky girl to have a guy like this.

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  82. It is always annoying to me when I see wonderful, kind men married to ungrateful harpies. So I have to say whenever you mention John, it immediately puts me in a good mood to know that at least one good man out there is married to a women who loves and appreciates him, and generally thinks the world of him.

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  83. I agree with Anonymous Andrea= John definitely has to do a Men in Tights cosplay for some future convention.

    Y'all never cease to amaze me. You're good people.

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  84. Yep that is the Most Manly Event EVER. You Totally Rock, John!!!

    And Jen for having the good taste to snap up this man.

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  85. That was a wonderful story! Big hugs to John!

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  86. <3 you guys. Seriously, two of the most amazing people.

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  87. I always love hearing stories about John, he just seems like such a great guy. Now I know for a fact he is! That was definitely a manly thing to do, and he is most definitely a manly man!!

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  88. Sitting at my desk literally crying into my salad. Well done John.

    Heard a story on NPR today about a group called "May We Help" that is comprised of volunteers who make little custom "inventions" to help people with disabilities. They even mentioned starting a chapter in FL!

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  89. I already liked John, but now I'm an official member of his fan club.

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  90. What a lovely story. Your husband is a true winner in my book. You both seem like such wonderful people. :)

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  91. With all the bad stories you hear I just love reading your blogs and knowing that there are lots of great loving people in this world!

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  92. Ok, if I pick a random man out of a crowd and compare him to John, I'll most likely have to have to tell Random Man, "You have been weighed. You have been measured. And, you have absolutely been found wanting."

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  93. You guys are my favorite people on the Internet. Why can't there be more of you guys IRL?

    Thanks for sharing, Jen. I love how supportive of and affectionate to each other y'all are.

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  94. John-

    There are only a handful of people in the world who would have the strength, the confidence, and the compassion to pull off an INSANE stunt like that. You have a very special soul, and you and Jen are so lucky to have found each other. Kudos to you, sir.

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  95. "he would carry Ken on his back into and out of the water."

    Me: *cue tears*

    How very beautiful, and how very Frodo and Sam on Mount Doom.

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  96. A person can only hear just so many stories about mass shootings and corporate greed and hateful extremists before they start to dispair. And then comes this story and they're reminded what glorious things humans can be. Thank you for posting this.

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  97. How wonderful. Thank you for sharing. I am glad to "know" you, even though I haven't met you. I am grateful for your kindness. It is inspiring.

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  98. i have left hemiplegia cerebral palsy, and as a kid my over-protective mother's life lesson to me was, "if you do (anything besides walk slowly) you will get hurt, and you may even kill yourself."

    Several years ago the cruise i was on stopped at Cozumel, Mexico' and well, my partner kinda sorta pushed me to try snorkeling. So i did. 2 of the guys who work with us tourists stuck near me and touched my lower leg occasionally so that i would signal i was fine.

    i did great, until time to leave the water. i got all twisted up in my fins and couldn't stand up (this was the fall after a hurricane had hit the coast and so the ocean floor, near the shore was crowded with big rocks & stuff). i struggled for a minute and then panicked and went under, swallowing a ton of water and "knowing" i was drowning & gonna kill myself right then & there....mama had been right after all.

    Suddenly very strong, confident hands grabbed both my arms, stood me up and walked me onto the shore.

    Those guys were so attentive, caring & kind to me.. my heroes, for sure!!

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  99. We should all have friends like John and Jen and Ken and Sue. What a great story!

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  100. Such a touching story! John is awesome!

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  101. I have even more respect for John (thoJ) now! What a great story Jen. Thanks for sharing your sweet guy with us.

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  102. I'm freakin crying. Good man. Good man.

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  103. You and John might be the most amazing people I've ever had the opportunity to not really meet.

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