Today was my new doctor's appointment - the one that's had me terrified for nearly a month now.
I never want to turn this blog into a personal medical journal, but I had to update you guys because a) you all showed me so much support over my last cancelled appointment, and b) several of you have been e-mailing to make sure I made a new appointment, and kept it. I think one even called me "young lady." :D
Anyway, after looking over all your doctor recs and a lot of online research, John & I made an appointment with Dr. Parmelee Thatcher of Women's Care Florida here in Orlando.
Last night I was a bit of a mess; I was wobbly and my palms wouldn't stop sweating and I couldn't focus on anything else. Finally I mentioned it on the Epbot FB page, and the notes you guys left for me there made such a difference. Just like last time, I could physically feel that outpouring of support, and I actually felt so confident leaving this morning that I didn't even take a Xanax.
Ok, so maybe I was a little over confident.
The staff was wonderful - we saw nothing but big smiles and attentive workers from the moment we walked in. The waiting is always the hardest part, so I was a bit shaky and sweaty by the time we sat down with the doctor for the pre-exam office consult. (Although we were only in the waiting room about 10 minutes - not bad, right?)
I held it together until I had to mention the trauma from my last visit, and then my control slipped. John took over while I sucked air and had a bit of a cry, and Dr. Thatcher, wide-eyed, talked quickly over my tears about how different a biopsy is from a pap, and how this exam would be nothing like that, and a few other things I didn't quite catch because I was so stinking embarrassed and I didn't have any tissues.
Dr. Thatcher herself is quick, a bit brisk, but extremely attentive. I didn't feel rushed at all, although once or twice later I had to work a tiny bit to get a question in, because she's a very quick talker.
After my outburst I reluctantly took half a Xanax, we talked a bit more about my history, and then moved on to the exam room.
Dr. Thatcher gave us a little extra time there to make sure my Xanax had kicked in, which was very considerate of her, and every room had a TV on the wall, which made for a nice distraction.
The exam itself was very quick, and only minimally painful. Really, by the time I was thinking, "Ok, this kinda hurts," she was done. Like I said, the waiting is always the hardest part. Also, John was beside me holding my hand the whole time.
Before she left the room to let me change, Dr. Thatcher made sure to stop beside me, look me in the eye, and ask if I was Ok. And you know what? I was.
After that I had to immediately face another fear of getting two vials of blood drawn, which hurt, dangit, but by then I was past the point of panic, thanks to the Xanax and to John being beside me (although he was careful not to look at the needle). I'm glad they do blood draws there in the office, too; that's one less thing to stress about later.
And now I'm home, and utterly relieved, and ready to attack this stack of paperwork about endometriosis and Lupron shots and yeesh why does all this stuff have to be so complicated? Urg. I go back for more tests in about a month, but I feel ok about that now; I think the biggest hurdle is behind me.
Words aren't enough. They never will be. But I'll say them again anyway: Thank you.
Now: VIRTUAL HIGH FIVES ALL 'ROUND!!
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